My husband and I have been married just four months, and just moved (military-related base transfer). Over the past two months or so we've had more fights and lately it's just become where we won't talk/make eye contact/anything for a few days. We're having another 'ignoring each other' type fight again and I'm becoming worried about this behavior. I'll try to say or do something nice but he just pretends I'm not even there. Please share your thoughts and opinions with me. I don't want to be scared for my marriage so short into what is supposed to be for life.
2007-03-16 21:49:53 · 15 answers · asked by dreamin delux 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He has been sleeping in the living room and moved a handful of his clothes out of our bedroom.
2007-03-16 21:52:26 · update #1
Hi LuLu, well my husband has already deployed twice to Iraq but the move we just made was to a non-deployable squadron. He is stressed out at work because of lack of motivation, and I think moreso because it's in his nature to become frustrated easily. I always lend an open ear but you're right, maybe it's time to see the chaplin.
2007-03-16 22:05:46 · update #2
I want to say thank you to everyone for your input. It hurt to read some of the answers because I didn't want to believe that this was a serious problem, but I will be seeking help for my marriage (or at least myself). Hopefully this all works out...
2007-03-16 22:11:01 · update #3
I think you have a right to be concerned but don't condemn your marriage just yet!
I think that when you get the to point where he is shifting out of the bedroom etc you need to get the to bottom of the problem before it gets any worse.
Don't try to talk to him while you are arguing (or not speaking). Wait until things are good between you and then try to calmly and gently talk about it.
You need to make a decision on how you are going to handle future arguments, and let him know your concern for your marriage.
I know it is very early in the marriage but don't rule out marriage councelling if you are unable to solve this problem between the two of you. There is no harm in getting a little outside help.
A marriage isn't always easy and there are times when you have to fight at it a little harder.
Wishing you luck and hope your marriage stays strong.
2007-03-16 21:59:05 · answer #1 · answered by Peta G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some people just deal with things better by not talking about them. Sometimes they feel it will make things worse then they need to be. But you need to be aware that military has the highest divorce rate of anyone. All the moving, the new house, the commander, the new base, the new rules , ect. Just made good friends from the last base and having to start all over again. Some where along with all the moves you two have left behind how to communicate, you need to find it and work on it and don't let the military take it from you again. You'll have your spats but you shouldn't just stop talking and moving out of the bedrooms. That's not normal. Unless your 80 years old. Let him have some space but don't let the military steel your marriage from you. Maybe you two need to listen to the other one before interrupting with your own opinion. Give each other the chance to talk and hear what's being said. Give each other the respect you want from the other when talking.
2007-03-17 05:21:42 · answer #2 · answered by Countrygirl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know what you are saying. I'm a military wife.
I will tell you this this behavior is normal to an extent and fights will come and go but here is a question? Is he getting aready to deploy to Iraq soon? This behavior is semi-normal if there is a deployment coming up. I have also seen this type of behavior due to stress at work. I would tell you to try to talk to him and be straight with him. Don't give him mix signals....just be straight out with him. I would highly suggest seeing a Chaplin if your problems aren't gettin Solved or getting worse. I wish you the best!
2007-03-17 05:02:00 · answer #3 · answered by LuLu 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you remember why you married him? The late night couch cuddles talking about absolutely nothing and the kissing...his soft lips...remember kissing his neck and how sweet it smelled...the way you felt...safe and at peace when he hugged you? If you can feel it deep in your heart you know the fights are not worth it. He is part of your family now..a part of what makes you, you. I know you don't enjoy fighting with him, so learn to pick your battles. Is it really worth it? And remember.......Never expect 50/50 cause it doesn't work that way, sometimes 0/100, but that's O.K. because it goes back and forth. I put alot of thought into this question because I've been with my boyfriend for 5yrs. now and we're getting married in August. I'm trying to stay focused, not on the invitations, or the flowers, or the dress, but on what really matters. You and him. Thanks for reading, hope everything works out.
2007-03-17 05:20:24 · answer #4 · answered by Maya24 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Come on, you know it isn't. Seems your circumstances are tough, but you married for a reason. You need to mature really quickly, and realize all the tough stuff he is dealing with. Marriage is HARD WORK, but the results are wondrous! Sounds like you need help though, either privately get counselling, or if something is available through the military.
2007-03-17 09:11:44 · answer #5 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should take advantage of counseling available on base. I suspect that you both aren't sure how to communicate with each other. Marriage requires communication and honesty. The counselors will help you with that.
And as "Dear Abby" says, If he won't go, go without him.
P.S. I am a Marine. Served in the 70's.
2007-03-17 05:04:37 · answer #6 · answered by Rainman 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dang that is tough. I know moving around and everything to do with the military is tough(I am in) my wife and I fight about it some. It usually ends up with us having a long talk after everything calms down. And you are right four months is a little soon to be having fights like that. Try to have the "we can both make sacrifices for our marriage" talk.
2007-03-17 05:00:36 · answer #7 · answered by Raistlin H 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is dangerous behavior. It is normal to have quite a few disagreements in the first year or so of marriage as you are both adjusting to married life. It may be doubly difficult for the 2 of you adjusting also to military transfers. It is how you handle those disagreements that can make or break your marriage. Holding grudges for long periods of time is unhealthy. Ephesians 4:26 says "Let the sun not set with you in a provoked state" In other words, don't go to bed angry. Try to settle disagreements as soon as possible. You both must be willing to yield. The Bible principals in this book have helped my husband and I through more than 30 years of marriage,
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2007-03-17 04:56:08 · answer #8 · answered by babydoll 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Your under different significant pressures,and not communicating.Go talk a Chaplin of your faith,and he may well give you insight into the pressures your Husband is experiencing.They are trained in counseling. Also get to know some of the other wives,they may experienced similar circumstances.
2007-03-17 05:16:40 · answer #9 · answered by Uncle Dan 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You two are on the fast track to a divorce or at best, a long miserable life together. You two need some counseling and now. My parents also played the quiet game, they got divorced. You two have very bad relationship habits. Continue the counseling until you are better, even if the husband refuses or doesn't change. At least in your next marriage you will be healthy and know to choose a better guy.
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2007-03-17 04:59:42 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋