I am a level headed female usually very non chalant and laid back. I usually date full lesbians but I made an exception with this one female. I thought I could handle it but it turns out I'm not comfortable with it. I really like this woman but it really upsets me when she stares at guys on t.v. or in person in awe. I've already asked her nicely to stop but she simply says "you knew I was bi before we started talking." What should I do?
2007-03-16 21:31:15 · 10 answers · asked by Wwwww 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Hmm this one is tough for me because I am a bisexual girl dating a lesbian...and I do the exact same thing to her.
But in time I realized it hurts her to look at men and talk about them so I stopped doing it.
It really doesn't help the relationship. My girlfriend had to be stern with me and got angry very much until I realized that I'm going to lose her with all this crap.
So I guess the thing to do is tell her it bothers you and you want it to be you and her not you her and a few boys.
2007-03-16 21:39:10 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Complicated situation. I dated a bi girl, and it didn't work out because of a situation like yours. Really, I don't think "bi" is the problem. I'd date another bi girl. The problem in your case seems to be that the girl just doesn't want to be tied down and doesn't respect you as her sole partner in a relationship.
I think a person can be attracted to members of either sex and still be content to have just one person in her life once she's found the right one. ...But there are some bi people (straight ones too for that matter) who just don't want to settle down. So I think the problem you need to tackle is whether or not your girlfriend is ready to settle down. You don't make it seem like she is. That's a serious problem for your relationship if she's going after other people while she's with you. And "You knew I was bi" isn't an acceptable excuse. You'll need to decide if you can handle being with a partner who wants to stray or not. Definitely not something I would stick around for if I were you.
And now let me stop taking your side and point something out from the other perspective: If you won't let your girlfriend enjoy a pretty face on a TV screen, you're being extreme. That would drive anyone away! Remember that your girlfriend is human and as such is going to have an opinion on things - things like the attractiveness of other people even. She has a right to express herself, and if you won't allow it, she is going to feel stifled. That's not going to have a positive impact on your relationship.
So as long as its someone she's admiring from a distance, and she isn't flirting with that person, and she will probably never meet that person, then its probably okay that she thinks he or she is cute. Just keep in mind she's there with YOU, saying those things to YOU; she's not with the other person, telling THEM every thought that's on her mind.
And if its only freaking you out when she points out cute guys (but not girls), then she's perfectly correct in saying "You knew I was bi." Its not her fault if you can't handle it - she was up front with you. If you can't handle her being herself when she IS respecting you, go find someone who's a better fit.
2007-03-16 22:24:27 · answer #2 · answered by Jordan 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm a bisexual woman and I have been in the same relationship for 3 years. I'm very loyal and monogamous to my partner. I would never dream about staring at other people when my partner is around. Let's face it most people do admire beauty when their partner's not around, whatever their sexuality but that is all they do because they love their partner and wouldn't cheat. Anyhow the reason why I don't look at people when my partner and I are together is because of respect. I don't think your partner is staring at guys because she is bisexual (I think she is using her bisexuality as an excuse) I think that is just her and she'd be like that if she was straight or gay as well. I think you have to say to her that if she truly respects you she'd stop staring because it hurts you when she does it.
2007-03-16 22:06:28 · answer #3 · answered by sydney77 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i'm bi, but i am more attracted to females....i'm also a very jealous girl and if it were me, i would definatly be concerned becuase if it wasn't made clear that this was a open relationship(which i know it isn't) than i wouldn't think it was right to be staring at anyone else but whomever i was with at the time...
2007-03-19 02:31:02 · answer #4 · answered by Sydney 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she cares about you and knows that her idle fancying is upsetting you she would keep it to herself ...but then you would still know she's looking!! Sounds like she is stretching the friendship...
Ask her if she's looking for something more than you have together ..if she is then you know what to do
2007-03-16 21:56:28 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
get out of the relationship. sounds like you will never be comfortable with it and she isn't going to change just to meet your needs.
2007-03-17 05:42:53 · answer #6 · answered by Justme 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Either accept that she'll always be attracted to men, or leave her. You won't be able to "convince" her to stop being into men.
2007-03-16 21:35:54 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Make her choose. Either she respects your boundaries and doesn't check out *any* other person or end it.
2007-03-17 14:59:31 · answer #8 · answered by carora13 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is exactly the reason i dont date full lezbians....always competing with my man. jealous...drama god i hate that. good luck with that though..
2007-03-17 01:55:00 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you are looking for a future,
pass that one by.
2007-03-16 21:40:18 · answer #10 · answered by john john 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋