Is there anything I should or need to know before I attend my first swinging party? I would love to talk to other swingers to hear their advice on the do's and dont's at a party.
2007-03-16 20:35:11 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
First, let me dispel the myths above:
"Yes, it is a sin. You will expose yourself to a lot of dysfunctional people with a bunch of diseases."
It's a sin is an opinion, not fact. In fact, your complete statement is personal opinion and not fact.
Dysfunctional people. Study after study on swingers has proven that overall swingers are happier in their relationship and with their life then general society. Also, it is estimated that less then 15% of swingers split-up or get divorced as opposed to 50% plus of general society.
Diseases. If you actually knew anything about swingers you'd know that unlike general society, safe sex is the rule, not the exception. You are far less likely to get a sexually transmitted disease from a swinger then you are from someone you meet at a night club.
"dont turn your back on too many guys some people swing both way"
False. In fact, the occurrence of male bisexuality in the swinger lifestyle is no different then that of the general population. Most men are not bisexual.
"When you fail in love with one of your swing partners or get jealous of hers, maybe you will reconsider."
False: Oh, you've fallen for the old "sex equals love" idea. I guess for some it is. Or at least they think that because they sexually desire someone that they are in love with them. They "fall in love" with whoever they have sex with. Swingers have a very clearly defined sense of love and sex and don't confuse the two. Love is everything you feel for a person OTHER THEN lust. Lust is just icing on the cake.
"people will be sizing up your privates"
No, not really.
"lot of perverted people at those parties"
This is your opinion. Swingers have a much better handle on their sexuality then many non-swingers. They are able to express their sexuality instead of repress it. Repression leads to sex crimes.
Okay, some real advice from a real swinger. Swinger parties are allot like regular parties. If it's at an on-premise club (where you can have sex at the club) you will find it's allot like a regular night club you might go to, with the exception that if you meet someone you want to have sex with you can do it there, you don't have to go to your place or theirs. Just like picking-up singles in a night club.
If it is a house party you'll find it's like any other house party that a non-swinger would throw, just there will be rooms you can go have sex with your girlfriend or others in.
Swinger parties are nothing like what you see in porn. In fact, there are far more people not having sex then having sex. Many simply like the parties for the open and adult atmosphere. Many don't have sex with anyone else, but get all worked-up in the sexually-charged atmosphere and go home and have great, wild sex with their own partner/spouse.
There are many different levels of swinging. Swinging is simply what you make of it. Some people don't swap, some only do light swapping, and some do full swap. It's whatever you are comfortable with and nobody that has been a swinger for any time at all will pressure you into something you don't want to do.
Most of all, go, have fun, be yourself, and just take it all in. You don't have to have sex with anyone.
Before you go though, be sure you and your girlfriend are on the same page as far as what you are comfortable with happening there. If first base, second base, third base, or a home run okay with others? Set these rules first and stay within them. You'll have a great time, and by wading into it this way you'll have a good experience and you'll want to go to more. As you get more comfortable with it you can wade-in further. But just be sure that for now you both are clear on what is okay and what isn't and stick to it.
For more good, objective information, check-out The Swingers Board http://www.swingersboard.com . You'll find lots of good stuff from those that are in every level of it. You can learn allot from them.
2007-03-18 09:13:26 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've done the swinger lifestyle for nearly 5 yrs and the best advice I can give you is to be honest with your GF
When you attend your first party you may feel shy and uncomfortable but believe me most people who are there feel the same way. Relax no one is going to jump ya (well I could be wrong LOL) Don't go to the party with unrealistic expectations. Enjoy yourself and tell the host you are new to swinging they will generally take you under their wing so to speak. Remember to get your GF's permission before you do anything ... I say this because swinging is all about trust. If she can't trust you, your in a whole mess of trouble and might want to rethink doing this with her. Let her be the center of attention. The benefits far out weigh the alternatives. Otherwise enjoy the evening. Oh and as the others have said DO wear a condom everytime!
2007-03-17 04:30:51 · answer #2 · answered by CarynB 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, don't forget your garlic and holy water...and a couple of wooden stakes. (Rolling my eyes).
YES, there is lots to know before you go. The most important thing you can do beforehand is to TALK TO YOUR GIRLFRIEND. You not only need to be on the same page, but the same letter of the same word of the same line. If you're not in synchrony, the chances of someone doing something stupid and getting hurt are expounded greatly. Ask her about her experiences, why she enjoys this, how she feels about the things that concern you most (moral dilemma? diseases? intimacy? etc.). Also, be sure to let her know what your fears are. If she's experienced and level-headed, she'll be smart enough to introduce you to the lifestyle gently and slowly. The first party won't be to go and see your g/f getting gang banged by every guy there. She should be hanging out with you by the bar, or introducing you to her friends and aquaintances, and just taking in what goes on there. She'll know better than to wander off or flirt too heavily with anyone. She'll know that she needs to feel out your comfort level very carefully and not drop you in the deep end and swim away. You'll probably feel out of place and vulnerable; it's up to her - the experienced swinger - to help you to feel comfortable.
There's lots of information that you NEED. You can find lots of reliable information and advice from experienced swingers at the website below.
2007-03-18 21:00:48 · answer #3 · answered by intuition897 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you fail in love with one of your swing partners or get jealous of hers, maybe you will reconsider.
You know you really have the answer to this question. You are a swinger or you are not. In any case, your relationship as you know it is over.
2007-03-17 03:40:59 · answer #4 · answered by J. 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
When you don't know what you want, you fall for anything and the reason you don't know what you want is probably because you don't know who you are. Make a decision whether to go or not...it sounds like you already loved the idea and was just looking for a small push to justify that idiocy of swinging
2007-03-17 03:40:57 · answer #5 · answered by Tommy M 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
wear condoms at all times
and dont turn your back on too many guys some people swing both ways
2007-03-17 03:38:57 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be prepared to see your girlfriend getting of with some one else,can you handle that?
And think who had the person your doing an hour before you did. ewwwwwwww could be gross........People will be sizing up your privates
lot of perverted people at those parties
don't put ya tongue in any ones mouth,god knows what you will catch,and use protection!!
2007-03-17 03:42:23 · answer #7 · answered by tuppenybitz 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Yes, it is a sin. You will expose yourself to a lot of dysfunctional people with a bunch of diseases.
2007-03-17 03:38:11 · answer #8 · answered by gigi 5 · 0⤊ 3⤋
were a condom
2007-03-17 03:39:14 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋