should i let go? or should i hang on for the sake of our child....?

Question

i am on a very rocky state of marriage right now... i admit that it was partly my fault. i can say that my husband is a wife-beater,.. before i understand him because of the many frustrations he has in life. but because of that also, i was forced to seek attention of comfort from someone else, let's say i cheated.... but it was over and we started again, because i still love him... now i found out that he has been cheating me for the past two months, and what hurts me most is that he told everybody about what i did before... now we are still together, he is asking his freedom. he is putting all the blame on me on what is happening with us... it's hurting me too much, and i am thinking about the welfare of our child... should i let go or cling on to him...

Answer 1

Let go ! girl !!! he's clearly Not worth it !!! And he has or had no right to Hit You EVER... and i understand why you might cheat even though it's not right i understand...and everything is not your fault "It takes 2 to tango" everyone played there part in the falling of the marriage I'm sure ! And i think you should take your child and leave his A** if you guys are always arguing and being hit in font of the child then you really need to let go and leave because seeing parents fight is no where near fun for your child ...And your child comes first right ?!!! and if your have a daughter you should really leave because she going to think it's just sweet for some guy to put there hands on her if she sees it happening to mommy ...and almost opposite for a boy there going to think its OK to hit a women...so please for the sake of your child or children and what is staying in the marriage doing for you honestly ?When your heart is free
It’s easy to make a decision
When your head is clear
You know you have good judgment
But when your life is turning topsy turvey
And you have know reasons for what’s disturbing
Remember these words my father said to me

He said: Keep your head up don’t say you love him
Walk away from all that is hurting
Find your power you know your strong
Make that step and it will help you along


When your minds at peace
Sleep comes so very peacefully
When you start to dream
There wonderful and so very sweet
But when your life is turning topsy turvey
And you have no answers for what’s disturbing
Remember these words a preacher said to me


He said: Keep your head up don’t say you love him
Walk away from all that is hurting
Find your power you know your strong
(Take that step)
Make that step and it will help you along (2x)


Why give up this time you can win

Why give up this battle is within

Why stay when you don't know what he's gonna do
Why choose him when its time to choose you


Keep your head up don’t say you love him
Walk away from all that is hurting
Find your power you know your strong
Make that step it will help you along

Keep your head up

Answer 2

There is no excuse for anyone to physically or mentally abuse a partner... at any time.
We seek attention - emotional or physical (sexual) - from others out of a basic need. We aer just a higher level of animal trying to procure our species.
He is laying the blame on you in order to justify or excuse what he did. It's basically a way out of the relationship for him.
Your instinct is to protect the family environment overall. This is why you are drawn back to him. Women are more forgiving of these acts than men are.
Let your child (or children) know you love them. In a healthy environment, whether married or single, they'll understand. What would be unhealthy is to bring a child up in a home that being a couple under stress in unhappiness is of the utmost importance. Would you want to teach them that?
More importantly, how can you live with yourself if you are unhappy where you would be if you stayed? Is this what your child to learn also? How can you be happy with someone else if you're not happy with yourself and your life?
It's true, some things should be worked out and resolved in a relationship. Only you know what you're dealing with. But sometimes it's over, and people need to move on, right or wrong.
Your affair was wrong for you, as you already know. Move on. Find yourself, then find someone to share a life with...
Good luck. M-

Answer 3

Let go.. im going to be blunt with u.. u have a seriously disfunctional relationship going on.. he's abusive, u've both cheated, this is not a healthy relationship, and im sorry, if u really loved ur husband u wouldnt of cheated, not even if u were emotionally needy.. ive been where u are.. and i know that to be a fact.. u love him for who u wished he was going to be, and for the fact that he is the father of your child..but u know this isnt a good situation, and i really feel the only reason ur upset, is because now he's the one dumping u, and u feel rejected, and thats normal, happens to people all the time.. no one likes being the one rejected.. but if u want whats best for your child, then u should look at ur relationship from a 3rd party stand point and realize, this is not a healthy environment for her to be raised in.. and even if u both worked it out. the fights will always consist of.. U screwed around on me, so u screwed around on me too.. and it will be a never ending cycle of bitterness and hate.. ur child deserves a happy, loving home, with 2 adults who can show her some morals and values, that arent abusive to each other, physically and emotionally..
Your house hold is to disfunctional to hold on to.. sorry, just let go..

Answer 4

Just to be sure I understand the question, your husband is a wife beater and he cheats on you, and you are asking if you should stay in the relationship for the sake of your child...
NO! IN CAPITAL LETTERS!!
Cheating aside, physical abuse is never acceptable. Period. Under any circumstances.
Your child will be much better off being away from the conflict, this does not sound like a stable situation at all.

Answer 5

What a mess! If he is beating you still......even once, then it is one of the few times I agree with leaving him. You don't need that. The kid needs you around and that can't happen if he beats you because it only takes once where he kills you and then what happens to you child......so let me repeat it again...if he is still beating you ....even once, then go and take the child and start proceedings and get to a shelter in your town for such things.
Now if he isn't beating you, then you need to get thru to him that the two of you have played your childish game of cheating on each other. It may sound over simplified but the two of you need to say ok we both cheated and now we are even and we need to put all this behind us for no other reason but for the kid. The kid needs two parents under one roof...that should be the goal .....so tell him that and both of you find some way to keep that in the front of your minds as you try to work things out between the two of you. If you both keep thinking of the kid, you two should come up with a solution....the kid deserves that much. ....Good Luck!

Answer 6

I came from a family that stayed together basically for the kids.. Let me tell you that was not a good idea. Every day as a child i was put in the middle of all the arguing and abuse. If you want the best for youself and your child I would say without question to move on and find a better life. Good Luck :)

Answer 7

Pretend that in the future your adult daughter is asking you the same question you're asking us. What do you tell her?

The only good reason to "stay for the child" would be so you could keep a positive male influence in you kids life.

This man is not a positive influence.

You don't say if the kid is a boy or girl, but would you want a boy to grow up like your man? Or a girl to grow up thinking that this is how women should be treated?

Answer 8

You know what, all the drama that came after the statement "my husband is a wife-beater" is totally irrelevant. If you're thinking about the welfare of your child, get your child out of an environment of abuse! Do you want your child to grow up thinking this sort of thing is normal and right? Of course your husband is going to blame everything on you, that is what abusers do. Get out now, get yourself and your child someplace safe, and get a good lawyer right away. Good luck.

Answer 9

You know that answer..Never hold on to an abusive marriage for the sake of your child..Your child sees and hears what is goin on and for the sake of that child you will divorce him and both of you go about your own way..He can say all he wants,,I have had a man who did that to me to,,but sooner or later the real truth will be found out...Trust me,,it always does..Hun dont stay in a relationship that you are abused in,,cant be love there if you both cheat,,,so let him go,,raise your child in love and security...Never stay in bad marriages for the sake of children..Its the children who will get hurt by it all in the end...God bless you

Answer 10

Ya know, my wife was really abusive. She was abusive psychologically and verbally. She insisted I was having affairs even though all I did was leave work and come home to cook for her and take care of our daughter. I couldn't take the yelling and cussing, and having my daughter see it happening was too much. I couldn't handle the idea of her growing up thinking it was OK to treat someone that way or that it was OK to be treated the was I was. So I filed. My daughter and I have been so close ever since. It was the best decision I could have made. I fought for her like hell, but my ex wasn't able to take her away.

You've admitted your mistakes. You've done your time. free yourself, be there for your child, find peace and be happy.