me and me husband has been together for 2 1/2 years and married 5 months. usually he has always done alot for me, and he was always affectionate 24-7. but the last month now he has been distance from me, and doesnt want to bother after a while when he gets home from work. i mean give him his time to rest when walks in the door, then after a while i go to him to ask he is doing and stuff, and try to give hugs and kisses, ecspecially on the days he works 12 hours a day. and me and the kids have not seen him since that morning.
i have talked to him about it, and we had a long conversation about what we want to change, well i have change my ways but he still is the same way. should i talk to him again?
should wait a little longer, and see if this passes? or what should i do, cause this has been bugging me for a while and i feel like i am a wife that has been abandoned by her own husband, and it sucks to the point where i will start to cry, and get all emotional bout it. PLEASE HELP!!
2007-03-16 19:16:58 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Understand that if he is putting in quite a few of those 12 hour days, he has nothing left to give. He is more than likely mentally and physically spent by the time he walks through the door. There will be no energy for words or action left in him. The problem isn't with you or him it is his job. A physical body can only take so much and then it starts to break down. Talk to him about taking some time off if possible. Tell him you're worried about his health and you want him around for the next 60 years or so. Offer him a shoulder or back rub. Just don't take it personally that he doesn't love you. His job and or responsibilities are getting to him. Just do whatever you can to get him to ease up and things will probably get better.
2007-03-16 19:30:55 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound exactly like me when I was married. My ex-husband and I were both in the military and going to college full-time. When we were at home, it was like pulling teeth for him to just sit next to me or even hold my hand. I remember the defining moment for me was when I went to hold his hand and he threw it back at me.
We tried the marriage counseling and many, many talks at night to no avail. Until you and your husband find the reason for the attitude change, the matter will either stay the same or get worse. If it does get to the point where there is no satisfactory resolution, you will only have two choices, unfortunately: deal with it or leave.
You might also consider that it could be a change in both of you that is the root of the issue. Sometimes, as women, we tend to "overdue" affection when we think something is amiss.
This might be a longshot, but if he's over 30, mens' testosterone level begins to drop. It might be a simple answer for it as well. Isn't it a cruel joke by God that mens' hormone level drops while ours is through the roof at the same time? LOL. Good luck to you. :)
2007-03-17 02:24:19 · answer #2 · answered by VHagerty 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You had already taken the correct step in talking openly with him about it. If this hasn't worked, encourage more discussion or even counselling. He needs to realize that you are in dire straits right now; in love but feeling abandoned. If that doesn't work... cut your losses! Get the hell out! YOU need to be happy. ANYONE & everyone needs to be happy & feel needed.
It may be that he's not happy in his life with you. And so are you, likewise. This MUST be resolved or everyone's unhappy. Personal happiness is why we are in relationships to begin with. If our partners aren't fulfilling this part of our basic need then it needs to be FIXED or LEFT IN THE DUST!!!
... The entry by Richard T is also a very good input. Some people can be left mentally and physically drained by their work at hte end of a day. I know I can sometimes be. Try your bets. Be strong. Be kind. Find yourself.
Good luck. M-
2007-03-17 03:33:45 · answer #3 · answered by Marko Polo 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he's overworked and maybe depressed, 12 hour days are hard on everyone. Usually people are just ready to pass out afterwards, so maybe on a weeked or a day he doesn't work you could ask him about it, and/or what he may want on those days. I know after my man has had a long day he doesn't want to be coddled because he feels he has to return it and he's just not up to it, he prefers his space.
Good luck!
2007-03-17 02:48:27 · answer #4 · answered by texas hearts 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Im sorry that sucks, you dont suppose he's cheating do u, either that or he's just bored from the relationship n u need to spice things up or he's over worked, just give him some time sweet cheeks hopefuly he'l come back....have a good 1
2007-03-17 02:25:28 · answer #5 · answered by Snake 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You mention that you have "changed your ways." So apparently you recognize that you have some responsibility for this situation. Depending on what has happened, he may need time to come around. Pick up a copy of "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands". It may well save your marriage, and bring back your wonderfully affectionate mate.
2007-03-17 02:22:32 · answer #6 · answered by SLWrites 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
tell him you feel that something is wrong. he is not as affectionate as he used to be and you want to know if there is something wrong at work or has he met someone else. do not be emotional or act psycho because he will shut down. if he has met someone else ask him if he plans to leave or is he willing to work on your marriage. if you know there is nobody else then you can stop worrying and just give him time.
2007-03-17 02:27:10 · answer #7 · answered by misse 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Call "Cheaters".
Only kidding.
I hope everything works out with you two, maybe he is just too tired from a long day at work.
Go out together on weekends and enjoy.
2007-03-17 02:28:36 · answer #8 · answered by David R 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he has another woman, you need to get another man on the side.
2007-03-17 03:28:30 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
here is a hug and kiss for you
hug hug hug xxx
2007-03-17 02:24:55 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋