Please help marriage in trouble?

Question

I'm not happy in my marriage with my husband. He don't have plans for me. All his plans was for his five-grown up kids from ex-wife. He loaned and saved money for them; I don't want to be part of his debts in the future. He bought a land for his kids and my name wasn't there. His kids is taking advantage of him they always call for money and his sisters too. He loaned money; but when I need help he won't help me even single centavo but when his family need help he hurriedly sent money because I know he has account to send money. He open a lot of credit cards and credit union account. I saw our bank account its negative balance. I don't work because it's hard for me to get a job right now I'm just new here in US (3 yrs.) as if my husband married me because he only wants to use me. He get a life insurance for me and him as his beneficiary for $150,000 dollars and putting me on his credit cards and all the credit union that he opened we don't have savings even single centavo.

He even open a credit card for me as a primary and transfer his other debts. He told me when he applied a life insurance for me he lied, he thought that I'm ignorant because I came from other country. He said that it's part of City where he worked because he marry me??? I doubted again at that time. I want to leave him and separate from him; but at that time I cannot do it because I'm in the process of conditional status as a permanent resident. I want to go back home in my country; but as if it's unfair for me. He use me like a piece of dirt and maltreated me. If I go back to my country I already resigned at my job and will have hardship in my life. Right now, he wants to use me again because he filed for bankruptcy and cannot anymore loaned some money to put house in the lot that he bought which my name is not included. I know he put that for his grown up kids and family because he said that Black-African people don't have opportunity here in US and Asians do?

He is already 53 years old and twice divorce and all his family advising him about I'm young and I can remarry if he die that's why his plan are for his grown up kids and blood relation relatives. He has a Equivest investment for 29,000 dollars before and then I saw one day a letter and it's a zero balance now. I was thinking that he loaned money and put savings on his hide account for his kids future and family. He is thinking that when he die I will get the Social Security when I get 60 years old which is only 500 dollars and his retirement and insurance are for his kids. And he even told me that he will going to cancel everything that I'm going to get like life insurance, retirement, house, cars. I even don't know about that I only knew that I married him as my husband I don't know about life insurance because in our country we don't have like that. As a married couple I expect him to have a plan for us like having a house, plan for our future when I have our own baby

Answer 1

Sounds like you are going to be the one left with the debt...or he may collect the life insurance on you one day. Go see a divorce lawyer, just for advice, they have free consultations.

Answer 2

I don't claim to understand the problems you are going through since I'm still young myself ,and not married. I will however try to help you understand why your guy seems to want to run solo. Most men at the age of 20 are still growing up. It is a known fact that women mature faster than men,and that isn't always a good thing. With that said I only have a few questions to ask you. 1. Have you asked your husband why he doesn't want to do some of the stuff you guys used to do together? 2. Did you both make a mutual decision to get married? 3. Could it be that since you two are baby free for the weekend that he just wants some time to himself? 4. Does he do this every weekend? Getting answers to some of those questions may help you figure out exactly why it is he's staying far away from you. If for some reason that doesn't help try Marriage counseling. All young couples need help starting out their marriage an that therapist will be able to help provide the tools for a better stronger marriage. Even if he doesn't want to go to a Marriage Counselor you should still go so you can better understand why he is the way he is. How you may be able to put up with it better,or not.

Answer 3

It does sound like a case of "Use and Get Used". You have 2 choices. You could try explaining the situation to your husband and let him know how you feel whole heartedly, and hope that he'll take your feelings into consideration. If you are absolutely miserable, the talking doesn't change anything, then you could try and ask for a legal aid lawyer (free or small fee) and file for a divorce due to irreconcilable differences. Since you've been in the US for more than a year and are married to an American citizen (hopefully), then you wouldn't have to worry about not being legal. So you could divorce free and clear. Good Luck!

Answer 4

Oh sweetie, this man sounds horrible. I'm not sure that you should stay with him. I would wait long enough till you are a permanent resident then leave, He's just bringing you down. It definetly sound like he's using you. I normally don't agree with divorce but this man is going to ruin your life and your credit. When he gets through with you, you won't be able to get anything with credit. Don't let him use your name for anything. If he asks you to sign for something in your name, DON"T DO IT! Also read everything that he asks you to sign no matter what he says. He might say, what you don't trust me or something like that. Don't listen. He sounds real mean to you too. I'm guessing that he didn't marry you because he loves you. I say get out when you are permanent and find a place of your own or go to your country like you said you wanted to do.

Answer 5

That must be so scary to be away from everyone and everything you know and in this kind of mess. I would pray. That is all the advice I could offer. If you arent a Christian yet, become one! Go to church and meet people that you can connect with and talk to. I wouldnt do anything drastic unless you feel you are in danger. I hope things work out well for you and I will pray for you.

Answer 6

It sounds like he is afraid because deep down he thinks you married him because you think he is a rich american.He seems to think your plan was to marry a rich american just to become a citizen then divorce him and take his money.The truth is you are netitled to half of what he has by american law.Talk to him tho and tell him how you feel and ask him if he feels the things I said he seems to feel.Then again if he has life insurance on you, go and cancel it now, tell them you do not want it and you will sue if they do not drop the policies.He may be planning to do you in.

Answer 7

its easier to get through the hardships than an unhappy, unloving marriage. which sooner or later WILL turn abusive. even in a mental way. mental abuse is horrable, i know, i went through a controling marriage for 17 years, left, then 2 years the one for me found me. i say go and get the divorce and you will be on the rite track . it wont be easy, believe me, but nothing ventured nothing gained. go and be happy. maybe if you explain the situation to your old workplace they will understand? God bless you and the best of luck to you back home. sounds like he married you for some kind of financial gain somewhere.

Answer 8

I would say that its not in as much trouble as you may feel it is. Its basically a communication thing that stems from the fact your husband feels he is the only one that can do this and that. Your husband is so afraid that his family will fail and will not survive that he boldly jumps in to help even when he should just offer input not money.
You husband find it easier to control his home because you are willing to go along with him to prove your love. We dont condone behaviors that are destructive because we love our partners.

Answer 9

In marriage, a spouse must put their spouse first. Period. Kids are important but the spouse is the person who relies on you for the rest of your life. Kids must eventually take care of themselves. If he's spoiling his kids at your expense, well you must face the fact that your position on his priority ladder is so low you might as well not be married.

Answer 10

You need to have a plan for your self.He needs to be there for his children,but don't let him use your name or your credit too much.Like i said have a plan for yourself which should be get an education,get a job and earn your own money.If still not happy.just leave him.