I am about 3 months into my pregnancy. I back-tracked to the estimated time the baby was conceived and it turns out that it's around the time a close friend came to visit from Cali and my friend was my New Years kiss and more. I had sex with my boyfriend when he returned from his trip to visit family so, it IS possible that this baby may not be his. I love my boyfriend dearly (please save the lectures, alcohol was involved with my friend and save the lectures in that area too) I know what I did was wrong. I deeply regret it and it hurts to think that it may not be his. Any advice on how and/or what to tell him would be highly appreciated. Thank you.
2007-03-16 18:10:47 · 18 answers · asked by CherryBoomFan 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
Well I that depends on if you think you are going to lose him and how long you guys have been together. You have to tell him because you can not lead him to believe you are 100 percent sure if you are not. Everybody makes mistakes and I am sure that this one will be costly for you. Just break it to him gently and move on that is all you can do.
2007-03-16 18:40:20 · answer #1 · answered by Mandie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel for you, girl... It's a hard one, but the best way is to come out clean. He might give you hell, but what's done it's done,, you know? There can be no love if there isn't any truth. So tell the truth, don't take him to a restaurant to do that, it's a serious talk, you need to be in your own quarters. And don't go on Jerry Springer's Show either... or Mauri or some other Natl TV stupid shows. I guess what I am trying to say is do it in private, don't embarras him more than he will be. If you feel you can't do it alone, get a third party someone who cares for you deeply and will support you through it. And I mean, both of you. Someone that's not partial to either of you. That would be fair. Good luck!
2007-03-16 18:58:42 · answer #2 · answered by Pivoine 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, but I don't think that there is any easy way to tell him. You have to sit him down and talk. He may get angry, he may get upset, and you have to let him express those feelings. Give him some space if he needs it. You love him and know that you made the mistake, let him know that you know that. Hopefully he will stick it with you whether or not, or at least until you find out the results, but you have to be ready to accept that he might not want to do that yet. Love can be stronger than mistakes, sometimes it just takes time to realize, and space to come back to. Just be totally understanding of his feelings towards the situation, whatever they may be. Exploding back at him (if he does explode towards you) will only make matters worse and drive you apart.
Good luck and I hope the best for you and pray for understanding in all parties involved!
2007-03-16 18:22:45 · answer #3 · answered by everangel_dee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, you are definately in a situation that is probobly the hardest of your life.....I really dont think there is an easy way to tell him, although I guess sooner than later might be better. You know him, and if you think its definately a possibility you dont want to break his heart once he falls in love with his new baby. Of course on the other hand, if the baby is most likely his, it might be too late to get that bond back he will have lost with the baby if he disowns you guys because you tell him. I would talk to someone that knows him better, and go from there. Nomatter what, remember that once the baby is born, getting a paternity test is easy and results will come back quickly. Try to do everything you can to keep him in love with this baby.
2007-03-16 18:21:59 · answer #4 · answered by mayasmama2707 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay so before you even mention it to your boyfriend have a DNA test done with your friends DNA. This method may not be all that honest to your man but it will spare him from the anxiety of not knowing and your friend should be okay with the test knowing that it could be his. Just take a trip to cali and have a DNA test done at a hospital (they can do this by extracting some amniotic fluid, from what I understand it hurts but it isn't harmful to the baby). If your friend is the dad then approach your man and let him know that you made a horrible mistake and he isn't the dad.
2007-03-16 20:48:37 · answer #5 · answered by MOMMY585 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was in a *kinda* similar situation not too long ago..so this is strange to read....Be honest. Just say ' I know that you don't want to hear this, but I made a mistake-it was stupid and I regret it more than I can possibly say-but it would be unfair to you to keep the truth from you. There was alchohol involved, and I know that isn't an excuse but I can tell you it's not something I would have done sober. I know you care about me, and you care about this baby, but I can understand if you're mad and don't want to see me for a while, just know that I care about you and what's more important here than anything else is this child.'
And be prepared for him maybe not wanting to see you for awhile. Or ever again. But just remind him, that if it is his child-you will be tied together for life.
Good luck on your situation and your pregnancy.
2007-03-16 18:25:22 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No lectures. Don't know what to tell you there either. But if your not sure...don't just come out and say that it might not be his if you might be wrong. You could really screww things up and then were would you be? But do you plan on marrying your bf or anything like that? Think, how long you expect him to be around whether you tell or not? But if it comes down to it, you don't want to live a lie and you want to give him the opportunity to stay with you and be a man or leave you and be a man on his own. He may not care as long as he has you, and as long as it might be his.
2007-03-16 18:20:53 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You just need to be honest with him. Tell him everything and then you need to tell your friend from cali as well. After the baby is born you should have a paternity test done to see who the real father is. If you keep it a secret from your b'f then he might be raising a child that is not his and if he found out later on, it would be very hard on him and the child. It is a sucky predicament that you are in and I hope for your sake whoever the father is, they take responsibility and help you out.
2007-03-16 18:18:39 · answer #8 · answered by kainsmommy 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Just be honest with him.. explain what happened and what was involved... show that you're really really truely sorry that it happened.. in that same breath, you have to deal with the consiquences for your action, even if alcohol was involved.. You will probably have to do a lot to rebuild your relationship, and its definantly hard to do when you're 3 months pregnant... Also, be prepared for him to demand a paternity test the minute the baby is born... Also, you need to mentally prepare for raising the child as a single parent.. its hard but it can be done.. I'm doing it.. granted, I have different circumstances..
2007-03-16 18:20:32 · answer #9 · answered by Ash 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Definitly take MKM's advise first and then Bluegirl's advise second. I believe the man has a rt to know as early as possible. It is totally unfair to have him think he is the father when he may not be.
Congratulations on the baby. Best of luck!
2007-03-16 18:40:22 · answer #10 · answered by LIL OL' ME! 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋