Why cant I get over him???

Question

I was with my ex-husband for 8 years and we had three kids together. He left me for someone else but I cant pull myself together or even think about being with someone else. It has been over two years. This is ridiculous. He was cold and unloving, verbally abusive and gone most of the time. Why cant I get over him? I am normally a very attractive person and I have always had a boyfriend before I was married. I am overweight now though because of stress and depression over all of this and dont even care about looking good for someone else. Why cant I get on with my life???

Answer 1

You are going through the same thing many divorced people go through.When our lives have been turned upside down and our emotions are wrecked we tend to let ourselves go for a period of time.I wouldn't worry about the length of time it takes to grieve your loss.This is different for ever person.The things you should pay attention to are the kids and your health.Spend time with the kids and try to laugh as much as possible.It will take time to heal your pain and the more you think about it the longer it will take.Learn to have fun alone or with friends for now.Things will work out just don't rush it.

Answer 2

u are probably stuck in one of the stages of grief, and can't get past it. u may need therapy, or a self help group where u can talk about your pain to others who have experienced this. u need to get your self worth back, go to the gym, join weight watchers, loose that weight. we are responsible for ourselves and what happens. when we refuse to give something up, that is gone we do suffer emotionally for it. get out there and start looking for another mate, if he was cold and unloving, just start remembering how he treated u, and be glad he is gone. he will not suddenly turn into Mr wonderful with the new woman, he will treat her the same as he has treated u. u didn't loose anything special, u lost a mean, cold, hurtful man. don't allow what he did to u steal your future, start caring about what u look like, your attractive, and can beat this weight thing, he stole your joy, and he could care less about what he did to u, are u going to let him destroy what is left of life, or are u going to get back out there and try again?

Answer 3

I think it's partly b/c you were with him for 8 years and have kids to him, but I also think it's about low self esteem for you. He was verbally and emotionally abusive and your belief in yourself has taken a battering. The fact that you say your overweight tells me the weight is a side affect of you feeling like you're worthless.

Go get fit, lose the weight and go back to the guy magnet you were! Not only will you feel better, it will annoy him to no end that your not overweight and pining for him!!

Answer 4

Start by going to the gym. Join a gym and go regularly. That will make you feel a little better. Get a good therapist that will support you and is very positive and see her once a week. Go and splurge on yourself. Do your nails and hair. Meet lots of friends and start going out with them. Don't let him get the best of you. Do things you always wanted to do, but you couldn't being with him. Look and feel good for yourself, not for someone else.

Answer 5

Girl listen up and take this free advice that you are getting from a certified personal trainer in Chicago that just read your question and is feeling for you big time .......

I read the word "overweight"...that was it for me....

Mr "I-have-moved-on-loverboy-and-forget-the-fact-that-I-have-three-kids-and-I am -a selfish-prick" is history....forget him....its not about him...he wasnt' wonderful... he lied to you, he was unfaithful, he cheated, he ultimatley walked out on his WIFE and FAMILY for another woman! WOW! Hope she was worth it! Doesn't sound like a real man to me...he was an abusive azzhole anyway.....sounds like a man/boy who puts HIS needs before that of his family.......I have a word for men/women like that..its called "LOSER"!

If you are feeling bad about youself, its high time to get up, and get out....you need activity! I mean serious rock-em-sock-em movement! I know you have three kids, so I am not going to suggest the lame ol' "Join a gym"...not so easy with three kids....BUT>>>you can make the three kids deal WORK for YOU!!!!! Take long walks with your kids...carry the little ones around alot (they are like lifting weights and bonding at the same time!!!) Put together a HEALTHY menu every week for mother and children.....remember, fitness is 50% movement, and 50% WHAT WE EAT!!!!! Cut out the sugar, salt and unnecessary fats....some fat is GOOD!!! Remember that!!!!!

I wish I could add more, but I have to get offline now! I am available for contact...so feel free!!!!

Answer 6

i am in the same boat as you..only im 8 months pregnant i have a toddler and im 20. he left me also for a women 12 yrs OLDER than me i hurt everyday its been 6 or 7 months that he's been living with her its hard i know..i got stuck with all the bills and i had no job its soo sad how people dont care about other peoples feelings i let her know she was being a homewrecker..and she didnt care she calls me a little girl and a waste of her time I ignore all that and i tell myself that i am a good person and that God is allowing me to go through this becasue he has a greater plan stored for me, and hes just making me a stronger woman i have trust in him that hes gonna send me a man who deserves my love and the love of my kids. not like my ex who never appreciated us.
good luck email me sometime if you'd like i love to keep in [e-mail] (no one can understand how we feel, only someone in the same shoes) dont feel bad i love my azzhole too..but i know what God has in store for me is 10 times better.

Answer 7

Sometimes, love just isn't that easy. We may love people like crazy although we don't know why and despite their faults. Alot of time, we grow with someone and get so used to having them around that when they are not there we truly miss them despite the pain and all they may have caused us.

Answer 8

Time heals all wounds. However, if you are having that hard of a time, perhaps seeing a counsellor is in order.

Answer 9

drop the weight and have sex with another man. It will work.