mother inlaw again!!?

Question

my mother inlaw checks me out as to what i wear how i fix my hair.. she stares at me then tells everyone that all my DIL knows how to do is get dressed and do facials which isnt true. i try my best to look nice for my husband so i feel confident when hes around if im ready.its not like i have full makeup on,,i dont even wear powder i wear just lipgloss and i have pimples prob so i try to wash my face and cant wear powder or makeup so why is she after me so much making me look stupid to her son by telling him cus i noticed he repeats his moms words to me about this..i only try to take a shower daily and wear shalwar kamez daily if possible(if baby goes to sleep during day and i have sometime)

Answer 1

she sucks, sorry for you

Answer 2

Hey, I have been married 21 years. The question is what does your husband think? I use to wear makeup before I had kids and then they came and now they are 19 and 20 and if my mother in law would ever say anything to me about the way I looked I would be pissed. She is always saying things about my weight and that pisses me off so I know what you mean. But my husband loves me for me he always tells me how beautiful I am. that is all that should matter. Ignore your mother inlaw or be nice and talk to her about your feelings. Better yet say something to your husband and maybe he could talk to her. Baby's take alot out of a woman sleep when you can and if you can put makeup on once a month then power to you. I had to get a babysitter while I was getting dressed to go out so I can relate. Good luck.

Answer 3

I could never understand this mother in law thing until my friend had a little boy. She also has a little girl.

Now it is all crystal clear.

My nephew adores his mother and so does my niece. However, the little boy absolutely adores her. He needs her for everything. The little girl is cleaner, far more independent and less needy. The little boy relies on his mother for so much more. He wants more attention, more hugs and more reassurance.

Through this relationship I can see why mothers find it so hard to let go of their sons. Some boys give their mothers so much love and attention. Then, bang the boy diverts his attentiion elsewhere and mummy is left out in the cold.

As with any problem in life, especially where it involves people, I think you need to break the person down into pieces and understand where the person is coming from and why they behave how they do.

If only mother in laws could put their pride aside and explain to their daughter in laws how hard it is to let their sons go and how redundant it makes them feel as a person. Instead they snipe and remark at the stupidist of things. It is an act of complete jealousy.

Maybe you could take the mature approach. Try talking to her. Tell her it must be hard having a son who is so lovely and then watch him grow up and leave home. After all she may have had a lot of input in making him the man he is today. If she won't let the barriers down then I agree with some of the people here, totally ignore her stupid comments. You don't need her approval to make youself feel good.

I think it's great you make an effort for your husband. You are doing nothing wrong. The problem lies with her.

Answer 4

Classic case? No. Just misfortune for you. I have learned that the best way to deal with your mother in law is distance. And I mean miles and miles apart. There is no way you should be leaving with her in the same town or even worse in the same house. Family is ok, but not on a daily business. Why do you think there are so many family disturbance calls during holidays? Because families get together and they remember that they hate each other. Therefore FIGHTS. I don't know if you want an advice or you are just trying to chare your problems, but try talking to your husband about the situation, because he is the one you’ll spend the rest of your life (hopefully).

Answer 5

A good mother-in-law wouldn't pick at everything you do. I have been a daughter-in-law and now I am a m-i-l. She may be your husband's mother and his loyalty should be to you, not her. It's his responsibility to tell his mother to back off when her comments become nasty, rude and gossipy. Wear your hair nice, put that bit of make up on and ignore her rude assessment of you. Treat your m-i-l with respect at all times, no matter how hard it might be. Always remember that integrity isn't something that can be purchased, you either have it or you never will. Sounds like you have it and shouldn't worry about anything she says.

Answer 6

You can never risk upsetting the mother in law because it will give your husband a split of loyalties and make him feel awful. Sometimes it's better to smile sweetly, grit your teeth and remember that she is the woman who brought up your husband to be the wonderful man that he is, so clearly she has some qualities (however difficult they may be to find!). Anyway, next time she mentions it, I'd say that, yes, it is timewasting and cumbersome but your husband (her son!) insists on you looking this way and so you do this to please him, not because you want to yourself. That gives her a dilemma - it's her son's wish for you to spend all this time looking good, and she probably won't argue with that.
A good tip to ger her on your side - ask her advice occasionally about something, the baby, cooking, something she may know something about. You don't have to take her advice at all, but it will enhance your relationship with her enormously by placing her in the position of giving you the benefit of her experience and wisdom. People LOVE to feel needed, to feel wanted, and you might find that this brings out the mothering side of her rather than the current face she shows you - as a rival for her son's affections.
Sorry if this isn't the answer that you want but, believe me, getting people on your side is a million times better than making enemies. My mother used to say that "a teaspoon of honey goes a lot further than a pint of vinegar" meaning that, to get your own way, use smiles and tact rather than strops and hostility.
Good luck. Be patient, she has her qualities. And your husband is the result of all she did when he was a baby.

Answer 7

If you stand fast with your husband, it really doesn't matter what judgemental rubbish your mother in law spouts. I've spent over 45 years with an evil old hostile witch of a mother in law and have found that because my husband has been loyal to me, she hasn't impacted on my life one bit.

A possessive mother loses her wonderboy to another woman and has no other weapon but words. All that caring and emotion and lost power has to bob up somewhere. Personally, I think it's the height of rudeness to comment critically on someone's appearance. People who do this are often not too bright academically or they'd be able to hold conversations on a higher level.

Let's face it, you wouldn't choose your mother in law as a buddy. Just take delight in your husband and baby and don't take to heart what she says however infuriating. Be aware that at some point soon she will switch over her criticisms to childcare issues.

Have confidence in yourself and I believe that good grooming will play a part in that so keep it up!

Answer 8

Lets suppose you start ignoring her; If she says something like don't do this or don't do that, you respectfully answer in the positive to her but go ahead & do what you think is right & good for you and your husband.

Believe me, in a very short time, the roles will be reversed. She will simply not be able to stand you & ensure that one way or the other, she sees very less of you. Which naturally is advantageous to you. Because you want freedom & peace of mind.

It works this way. Right now, you are carrying a heavy load on your back. It is the burden of the bitter memories about her harsh words spoken to you. You just need to transfer this weight on to her back! She should feel that weight, carry it on her back, suffer the consequences, not you.! So just ignore, Every time she abuses you or complains about you etc, just smile & think that some of the weight has been transferred to her & you will feel refreshingly lighter & cheerful.

Answer 9

Well first of all, I have one of them women too, she is my lovely mother in law and for the first two years I took everything she did to heart, and now I pay her back, you seen monster in law? You have one of them, she did not hand pick you so she dont like you, you are not perfect in her perfect eyes, So what I have done is, I know I am pretty but hell after this long being together I dont want makeup everyday, but dang sure bet when it comes to being around them I add it, fix my hair, dress with oh to much showing (like cleavage lol) anyway she is a lil on the chubby side so I ask her how her diet is going even tho she dont no what the word is, or just pick at what she believes she is perfect at, example meatloaf, that is really good, but I tell her its dry, or tastes funny.. Go back at her, I know I am going to be mocked someday in my life for being the same way she is being but now it is fun to do it back... good luck with her lol.....

Answer 10

I agree with gorgeous. My mil picked and picked for 14 years! I gritted my teeth and continued my life with my husband. YET I never lost the fact that this IS my husbands mother and because of that I respected her. Guess what? We get along fine. I proved to her that I was not taking away her son. Not that I needed to prove anything to her but to show my love for my husband and not put him in an awkward position that is truly childish. I really don't understand this he's mine now so butt out mentality of women nowadays. My son's wife is this way. I let her have her way knowing that my son comes over and brings my granddaughter over behind her back. And who loses on quality time with the whole extended family? She does. So sad.

Answer 11

there's an analogous undertaking in my relatives. the undertaking won't be with the MIL. it fairly is with your choose to have a "Norman Rockwell" relatives. We advance up with fairy memories concerning to the way that a loving relatives is meant to act. whilst fact falls wanting the myth, some human beings close down (like your husband has performed) and others attempt to "restoration it" that's what curiously such as you're doing. regrettably, the guy who's getting harm the main is you. only using fact somebody has a baby does no longer recommend that they're a stable be certain or grand be certain. think of roughly this, do you pick your baby becoming up attempting to get affection from a chilly grandma? Feeling that some how they are no longer a stable sufficient to deserve a stable dating with a loving grandma? you're becoming a blue print for how that your baby will experience approximately themselves. i comprehend that it fairly is problematical, yet you're no longer the reason that this lady is chilly and you will't replace her, no count number how open or loving you're in direction of her. don't be merciless to her or make ultimatums. only permit her comprehend that she is often welcome at your place and then permit her make a pass. only right desires