I need advice and help please??

Question

My ex bf who i s29 yr old teacher, was very depressed and very suicidal. When I was with him, I told him he needed to see a professional.He only wanted my help. He would tell me over and over he was going to do it, that he bought Cyanide over the interenet, he was going to go thru with it before summer vacation was over. There were times he would hang up the phone and not answer, I didnt know if he was alive or dead. He told me never to call the police, because if he saw the police he would do it right then and there. I went through many nights with anxiety, panic attacks. Well, the reason he felt this way was becuase he had a child w/ a one night stand he wanted nothing to do with, he was ashamed. I helped him come to terms, for him to leave me for the mother of his child. Not only that, he talked about me and devalued me as to who I was to him. He told me if I need help getting through the breakup, to see a pychologist. I have, because, I feel like I lost it. Everything he ever told

me was a lie. I feel he messed with my head so badly, I dont know who I am anymore. If I had walked away and he really did kill himself, I wuldnt have been able to deal, thats why I helped him. I am aware he mentally abused me in some form. But its been 8 months and I cant stop t hinking about what he did to me. I get so angry and cry alot. Its effected my life in many ways. How to cope? Please help.

Answer 1

Are you seeing a professional? It's one thing to tell someone else to see one but quite another to do it ourselves. It sounds like you have a lot of issues to deal through and while we would all like a quick fix when it comes to our problems - quick fixes are never an option when it comes to our emotional stability... please see a professional.

Answer 2

You need to forgive your self for getting got up in that whole mess, ans quit feeling like a fool. You learned a hard lesson through the ordeal, and now know what to look for if that kind of man comes around. But don't make a mistake and blame all men. Keep in mind in the future, you are not in charge of some one else's happiness in life, let alone someone else's LIFE!! Unless you are a Professional, do not take on the responsibility of holding someone else life in your hands. It's also not OK for someone to do that to another person either. Call for help, if they don't want you to call, than you also cannot help. People who keep calling "wolf"-shame on them!! Forget everything the sicko said, and he teaches kids? Great! A letter should of been written to the Principal. The man has serious issues to be manipulating like that. Consider yourself lucky the dude is far gone! It was just a bad stepping stone in your life!

Answer 3

Focus on what you did for him and his kid . That was a potentially good thing.

Being rid of him is a good thing for you , even if you dont see it now.

Find a new guy who will treat you decently . Move on with your life.

If you wanna mess up your old BF just do an anonymous report to the school that he was suicidal and has purchased cyanide. That should get him suspended for a while at least while they investigate.

Answer 4

Dear girl you cope by realizing that there are men out here that will manipulate, terrorize, brainwash, and abuse women every day for pleasure. They use you for sexual gratification and when they are through they move on to the next victim. there are users in both sexes. You need to start watching for signs of these scumbags. The little lies you catch them in, the promises that aren't kept, the lack of respect in the way they treat you, and the lack of paying their own way. These you can spot early in dating. I've always told my daughters, if they don't treat you like a queen(opening doors, coming to pick you up, bringing you flowers, PAYING FOR A DATE, and respecting the word NO when you say it) tell them to take you home and don't call again. And if they don't want to bring you home let them know that Dad just loves a chance to target practice with his Colt 45. Don't waste your time with losers and you'll be over him in no time.

Answer 5

WHOA!!!! Re read your question and listen..... Get how POWERFUL you are! I hear you being a person getting clear on "what it looked like" for you and afraid to let go and embrace the fear of not knowing "what it will look like" for you now! Get that! Sure you tried to be responsible for anothers life, you know now it was not yours to choose. Sure you generously gave yourself, sacrificing your own fulfillment, you know now you are worthy of another whom fulfills you. Sure you loved unconditionally, you know now you are blessed to really hear another and move, touch or inspire them. Consider you feel lost because "what it looked like" for you was sooooo predictable yet NOW you can't possibly predict anything! You are not lost. You're just not cozy with what the experience has left you being as a person! Re read this again and embrace the powerful person that wants to honor who they really are. Who you are people await to be inspired by. When you are ready to transform your life and the lives of others, then you must give up trying to predict what it will look like, how it should be, what will they think, say, do etc. Give up all of it! You can't possible know anyhow right? Be Fearless!!!!

Answer 6

He was a selfish person.Had he killed himself it would have been HIS fault, not yours.He was merealy trying to control and manipulate you thru sympathy.If your ever in a situation like that again(i have been) call the cops, tell them he is threatening suicide.Then tell him it would hurt yu if he killed himself, but that you wouldnt feel guilty because its his decision and you cannot police him or accomodate his wishes as a slave to him him 24-7 the rest of your life.

Answer 7

If you keep your relationship with that guy, the emotional troubles you are facing will surely build up to a level that may destroy you. That man is not a reliable one, and he is (counsciously or not) abusing you.
I wonder if you are used to solve problems by praying; but to see a reliable clergy will be the best advice I can give you.

Answer 8

Sweetheart, this guy was wacko. You are much better off without him. Count yourself lucky to be out of the relationship. You sound like a lovely, compassionate person. Be kind to yourself and when/if you decide to be in another romantic relationship make sure it is a "two way" loving, giving one!

Answer 9

Girl, this azzhole was playing mind games with you, and it worked. Seriously, he took the love, devotion and compassion you had for him and FUKED with you! Don't take my words wrong, I know I can sound terse in the written word sometimes, I feel for you.

This guy was playing with your emotions......plain and simple...and his BS suiside threats were made to control you...move on and seek counseling if you need it....this guy sounds like a complete head case.

he is probably somehow still involved with this one night stand, by the way...he just "told" you she was a one night stand.

Good luck to you girl! I am feeling for you!!!

Answer 10

I understand where you're coming from--my soon to be ex husband threatened me constantly before I kicked him out and treated me terrible, but always blamed me for not giving him affection/attention and threatened suicide. After a while I figured if he was going to do it, he'd do it already--he was just using it as a ploy to get me to feel sorry for him and give in to his demands. I suggest counseling for you with a domestic violence group--mental abuse is still abuse.