Why do men say "we never spend time together" when what they really mean is "lets have sex"?

Question

That makes me angry. Why!?! Because when I say..."lets watch a movie, lets go for a ride, lets go to the mall, ...." any thing like that (what I would consider "spending time"), he doesn't want to.
If you wanna ***, for goodness sake, just say you wanna *** and let's get it over with!!! I'm so mad right now I could spit!
He had the nerve to ask me if I was having an affair!!! Why!?! Because I hate sex! Gee, I wonder why I hate sex.
Every time I try to have a conversation with any man other than my brother, they have to say something about having sex with me! Why can't any of them talk to women without their sex drive taking over!?! I need help before I turn into another Ilene Wuornos. I'm mad.

I'm not really gonna go ape and hurt anyone, I'm just expressing my frustration.
Why are men this way?

Answer 1

Not all men are. If all of the men you know (except your brother) only want sex from you and nothing else, then you need to check out who you are and what you do.

Young men especially do have behavior patterns driven by hormones. Often "I want to get to know you better." does mean "I want to get into your panties." But what are you offering during times when you are not having sex?

Dating relationships are designed to allow young couples to learn to communicate and share with one another. Have you learned to share more than your body? Find out what this guy (or any guy) is interested in.

Instead of "Let's watch a movie..." how about "What movie do you want to watch?"
Instead of "Let's go for a ride..." how about "Is there anywhere you want to go?"
Instead of "Let's go to the mall..." how about "Would you help me pick out a blouse?"

I am not saying that this will automatically get him to do something else. But it does give him greater input. There is always the possibility that he is not interested in you, but only in the sex. At least this way you might find out.

Answer 2

There are some things that both of you need to do. He is a man and likes to do man stuff, you on the other hand are not either a man or interested in his hobbies it sounds like. You need to find some things to do together. He'll watch a movie with you more often if it isn't some predictable sappy Lifetime type movie, or if you surprise him during it with some oral activities. He may start liking the movies!
Go with him to do something he wants without complaining. Car show, races, or something. Then ask him to go with you to pick up a new outfit. Only instead of the normal, pick out something a little sexy and try it on for him. Ask him if he likes it. Ask him to pick something out and try it on for him no matter how sexy it is! Mall's suck. Take him to smaller stores, or shops, and then stop off for a beer at a sports bar between dress shops.
If you come off as being controlling it will only get worse. This isn't rocket science. He wants you to want him. To be desired by you. He wants the mad passionate, I can't get enough of you kind of sex. Give it to him. But tell him it's because he was attentive or whatever. If he See's there is a positive response he will notice, and then see if he pays more attention to you.
Like Dr. Phil says, "It's not about you" if you think about it he still wants you or he'd be gone. You want him or you'd be gone. So now you just need to find some common ground to occupy.
It may help for him to have some guy time without you sometimes, and girl time for you away from him sometimes. But that will have to be at a time when you can trust each other.
When was the last time you told him how much you love him, and can't imagine being without him? If he feels like everything he does is wrong then why will he keep trying?

Get out for a weekend of wine tasting, go out to eat food you've never tried. Take him to a strip joint. Go play pool together at a biker bar. Go to a rodeo. Do something different. Your sounding like things are stagnate.

Answer 3

Well, you are probably going to get allot of people saying it's your fault. Whether it be the way you dress or the people you hang with. However, don't listen to them. Guys are just the way you have mentioned! Sex fiends! lol I was one as a teenager too! Just a natural action for us. It doesn't matter if you are in a bar or a church, we all think that way with a potential partner. If it's a boyfriend then I would say that this part of the relationship is all he is focused on. My advice is to give him an ultimatum, grow up or get out! Those words will let him know you are not having an affair and that the problem is in his behavior not yours! It sucks that his actions and attitude has turned you against sex. I mean, damn, that's a fabulous pastime, why destroy it!

Answer 4

Men and women are different.

Men give caresses because it will lead to sex.
And women give sex because they want the caresses.


To a woman, intimacy and sex are the same. But for men, sex means love.
(Translation: A man will feel loved if you have sex with him. BUT a woman will feel loved if she feels cherished, needed....Big difference!)

What men (especially young or inmature men) don't understand is that for a woman to FEEL like having sex she must feel she is special to him. Sex is a wonderful gift...not to be taken for granted or seen as just a physical thing. Feelings are attached to the act- and unfortunately, many people do not take enough time to talk about this before they go ahead. That's when the pain begins.

Answer 5

All men are not this way. The guys you pick are like this. Why is that? How do you act, dress? That's what you need to ask yourself. What do they have in common. I find it odd that you are treated so disrespect full with out sending some sort of signal. I would work on that so that you can have a relationship that is more then a one night stand.

Answer 6

I know a woman exactly like you! Every guy she meets always immediately tries to bed her. She seems to put out a signal or something. A vibe. I dunno. She just "feels" sexy! I've had to catch myself a few times and I've known her for over 4 years! She's a great friend. She is the funnest person I know, always up and full of life, adventuristic, capable, smart, and funny!! She has developed a very strong, rather cutting, wit however and I've seen her use it. We often go for lunch together and upon her leaving we stand and hug. Someone (almost every time!) will walk over to me and ask about her. And I won't go into detail here. But they're not all nice questions! One of these days maybe I'll get my nerve up.... nah, I like her too much to let her crush me!

Answer 7

I totally agree with you------my man has a one track mind also--he can not think of anything else but getting me in be----he aggravates the mess out of me all the time about sex----after I ahve worked a 12 hour shift and is dog tired--he is still begging for some!

Answer 8

My dear, 'men' are not this way. We have mothers and sisters; we have women colleagues, friends and teachers. We don't 'have to say something about having sex' to them. Why you trigger this in men may be worth spending some time considering. So ... why do you think that is?

Answer 9

not all men are this way. men are just men and when they want sex that seams to be all they want until they are sattisfied.dosen't sound like you have a romantic sexual life. tell him sometimes you need to be wined and dined and then the romance will begin. you two should spend time together and then the sex will be awesome. good luck

Answer 10

Don't hate sex.. it is just the men that are in your life.. that you choose.. sex isn't bad.. u just need to find someone that has the same interests as you.. Not all men are like that!