Let me give you a little background. She is very sucessfull in her career so we came to a mutual decision I should quit my job so I could be a stay at home father for her children shortly before we were married. She has 3 children, 3, 6 and 8. The 8 year old has emotional problems (A.D.D among other things). Since we were married I have basically given up everything for her. Career, friends, personal finance. I know it was a mistake to do so but I belived in us, our marrige, my family.
If we are to split up, i'll have nothing. What do I do? I know i can start over, I have before, but this time it will be extremely difficult. I have no where to go, no finances, nothing. The only proof I have of her cheating is phone records. Becides the obvious reasons the emotional bulls**t I have put up with over the last 6 months has been heart wrentching.
Will I have any leg to stand up on in court? Since we have only been married for a little less then 2 years, I don't know.
2007-03-16 16:05:42 · 21 answers · asked by †slayer† 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am really sorrey that this happened to you, Slayer. I want to say that it will not always hurt, but the hurt is a symptom, but we really need to find out the cause of the problem. The relationship might have been under strain due to having a special needs child, or having three children, or like many other relationships not having enough time for each other. I do believe you can move past it, and even become closer. But what's important is what you believe. I think you both may have thought that they were doing all the sacrificing. You
What advice would you give someone? You have invested so much time and energy into your family, I think you need to find out why this happened. There must have been red flags.
If your relationship is toxic, please do the work now, and fix it. Do you know a couple that your admire? that you could role model. Maybe, if you try to communicate in a different way you will get a different response. You can't keep doing things the same old way, and expect a different response.
Change your life into what it needs to be to survive this. Seek ways to be partners again, and make plans to do things outside the home, and get out of the rut.
Maybe you need to seek a career, find friends, or family for support, socializing is important and learn about personal finaces ...
2007-03-16 17:02:52 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Where are you? That’s going to make a difference.
If you live in the U.S. (and even in the U.S. the laws vary somewhat by state)….
In most states, the fact that she cheated will little to no effect on property settlement or alimony. But, you won’t walk out with nothing.
Surely you brought something into the marriage, right? Money, assets, etc. As long as those things were kept separate and were not co-mingled then they are your separate property and not subject to division. But if you co-mingled them (ie you put the funds into a joint bank account) then it’s martial property and is subject to division. And the same holds true for her.
And anything that was acquired during the marriage (with the exception of gift or inheritance that was not co-mingled) is martial property and you’re entitled to half.
As far as alimony…don’t expect it. The chances of you getting it are VERY SLIM. You’ve only been married 1 & ½ years. The fact that you’ve out of the work force during that period of time shouldn’t really hinder you all that much in finding a job. Now if you’d been married/out of the work force for 10 years, it would a different situation. IF you are awarded alimony (again, it’s very unlikely) it will only be for a very short time.
But again, keep in mind that the laws do vary *somewhat* by state. Talk to a local attorney.
2007-03-16 16:26:45 · answer #2 · answered by kp 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, the cheating means nothing. The judge will not want to hear it, it has no bearing on anything.
Everything is still 1/2 yours, like any other man. In California you would have no problem collecting spousal support for a few months. You would not get it longer because you were not married very long. But, a few months, to get your feet on the ground.
Be prepared for something worse then anything you mentioned....you have NO RIGHTS to see those children eer again. I don't know if she would let you, but the courts will not grant you any visitation or anything.
2007-03-16 16:25:49 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You probably will get nothing. You have not been married long enough to get spousal support. The judge will say that you are an active young man and you can work. The children are her's so unless she agrees to visitations, she does not have to let you see them. If will probably get your personal stuff and that is it. It really sucks. My ex left me with my clothes, I came home one day and he had emptied the house. I had to start over, and sometimes that is for the best. At least you are seeing it now and not 10 years from now. Good Luck to you and you will find someone that will appreciate you and not take advantage of you.
2007-03-16 16:16:01 · answer #4 · answered by oursnowbaby32 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have the right to divorce your wife at any time, whether she is unfaithful to you or not.
Your future after the divorce is another matter and has nothing to do with what is going to happen in court. If you want to be prepared for life after your job as a house-hubby, start job hunting now. Take a class to improve your skills, if necessary, so you'll have a better chance at getting a good job.
2007-03-16 16:23:49 · answer #5 · answered by Liz 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What makes you think she's cheating with phone records?
If worse came to worse you might be able to find one of your friends to put you up or maybe a family member. Your only choice is to get a job to do this tell your wife since you said she has the money to hire a nanny or someone compatible.
But you might be jumping to conclusions better talk to her first see how she reacts then if your not convinced do the above.
2007-03-16 16:17:54 · answer #6 · answered by miester44 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Cheating doesn't have any weight in court, unless there is a prenup involved. You are only entitled to spousal support for half of the length of the marriage...so 7.5 months. But the judge can always deny it. The children aren't yours...so you leave empty handed.
Sorry.
2007-03-16 16:10:08 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you confronted her about her cheating? If you haven't I suggest you try counseling first and while you are in counseling, start preparing yourself! Tell her to put the children in daycare and begin looking for a job!!! Try to get help from family if you can. You'll be ok. Whether or not counseling works - well at least you'll learn that you don't want to be that vulnerable again. Always, ALWAYS know that you can take care of yourself!!!!!!
2007-03-16 16:18:27 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Courts do not recognise adultry as a reason for divorce. You will not gain anything by divorcing and the courts will not "stick it to her" because she slept with someone else.
The kids are her's so you will not have to pay child support.
It doesn't sound like you would be able to fight for anything. You can't even claim alimony (have to be married3 years) or retirement funds (have to be married 10 years)
If you walk away..you will just basically start over.
2007-03-16 16:35:55 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well, its definately worth a shot to fight for whatever u can. She betrayed u and just because the circumstances are reversed, I dont see where it will be any different in the eyes of the court.
Sue her for alimony and whatever else u can get.
Take half of everything and rebuild your life since u gave up all of it.
Good luck to u.
2007-03-16 16:13:08 · answer #10 · answered by Truth Teller 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋