We both like each other, but he is 14 years younger than me, and i am married. He is a good guy, he wants me, but he doesn't want to be the one to break up the marriage. I know this is lust only, but I just want to know if anyone else out there has the same problem. I feel terribly bad about it; nothing happened; nothing well, but I am just curious if anyone else beside me with problem, and how did you deall with it.
2007-03-16 15:58:37 · 12 answers · asked by heavenlyours2000 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think it's normal for married couples to go through periods where they have thoughts and feelings for people who are not their spouses.
I mean, look, you love other people in your family, but there are times when you are angry at them, or don't like them, or maybe even wish you weren't related to them... but they're still you're family and you still love them, at the end of the day. It's part of being honest and human.
Having said that, however, every couple has a range of "tolerance" e.g. what they will "tolerate" from their spouse and the standards they have for themselves, in regards to other "relationships." Some people can tolerate lots of "What if" discussions, some people consider sexual fantasies about other people "emotional infidelity" and some people go all the way and have "open" marriages.
I think the most important thing for you is to make sure that your relationship with your husband is solid. If your relationship with him is solid, then anyone you "like" on the side should stay harmless... and these lustful thoughts that you feel so guilty about should go away. However, if your relationship with your husband is not taken care of... that's when trouble starts. Make sure things are taken care of at home. If they aren't, then you need to do some work there.
I always say... people's fantasies are very important... because they are usually signs that something is "not right" internally or on the home front... pay attention to those signs... and take of the problem...
2007-03-16 18:15:11 · answer #1 · answered by thedrisin 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think in your mind you've already succumbed to emotional infidelity by having feelings for another man in such a way. This does not make you a bad person. It just means your thoughts have drifted from the promise you made to another. That is bad in a sense, but it doesn't make you a bad person. What you need to do, is disentagle yourself from this person you have feelings for (if you don't there's a possiblity that things will escalate). Secondly, you need to be totally honest with your husband, otherwise the guilt will haunt you for the rest of your life. Break it to him gently, when you feel ready. Let him know that he is the ONE for you, and that you are very remorseful for drifting even in thought, and hope he forgives you for feeling this way. Believe me, in the long run, if you're honest now, and clear this out of the way, things will be a lot less complicated and painful. :)
2007-03-16 16:07:12 · answer #2 · answered by Belle 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This sounds like the doors of deciet and betrayal to you and your marriage.
Run.
Fatuation is misleading.
Take care of the issues you have now before you creat more with this youngster.
Remember the feeling is for the moment but the consequences are forever.
Yeah, I have seen it happen alot. What I dont see alot of is self control.
2007-03-16 16:13:02 · answer #3 · answered by beachgirl90 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes, i think a lot of us have, at some point, felt like this but we were wise enough to know not to break up our marriage for something that would never work out. if you both had 100% commitment to make it work then maybe, but cant you see that he is not committing to you? he's making excuses already. think long and hard about this one . . . .
2007-03-17 07:53:19 · answer #4 · answered by sue brew 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
is it innocent? b/c everyone gets innocent crushes where they are oh so cute and maybe you would like to have wild animal sex with them but you know you never will b/c you love your husband. that is no big deal, i have a crush on our preacher, he is so cute and the funniest man. but we are both happily married and would never go there. but if it gets past that point and you would consider doing more than undressing him with your eyes and moving onto undressing him with your hands, dear you have a problem you need to fix quickly! talk to your husband or a divorce attorney. if your heart is not 100% to your husband you do not need to be there.
2007-03-16 16:55:48 · answer #5 · answered by kchase 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes...when I was married, I thought about one particular women that I knew I could have been just as happy as my wife...but I made my decision, and was happy with it and wouldn't make any mistake that would change my decision...unfortunately my wife did, however, I feel good about not making such a mistake myself.
2007-03-16 16:10:09 · answer #6 · answered by Goodspeed 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my question to you is ,how do you ever get to this point ?
I don't understand how you let thing's get so far to the point ,you know he likes you ,unless you don't act like a married woman .
i been married for 18 yrs ,and I'm pretty sure ,if the conversation ever got out of hand ,i would excuse myself ,and tell him before i walked away ,to kiss my A.S.S.
you had to open the door ,and nothing as happen but you mention ,Nothing well ,sure you have kissed and fondle ,you already went to far .
just tell your man you have a male friend ,and see is reaction .
because keeping secrets ,its another way of lying .
2007-03-16 16:09:57 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
well yes and no.. the one i like was 3 yr older.. but once i divorced my ex i ended up with some one 12 yr younger.. but my ex was such a control freak.. he had to tell me what i could wear.. were i could go and who i could talk to..
2007-03-16 16:02:17 · answer #8 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, yes yes, lets break up our marriage for some cheap sex with some young guy.........wonderful.
2007-03-16 16:03:39 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's why I never got married - -I'm so fickle and I love adventure
2007-03-16 16:09:10 · answer #10 · answered by tirebiter 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋