Can Our Relationships Be Fixed????

Question

My BF and I have been together for 2 years, and we live together. We have both hurt each other in the past. I want more than anything now to make our relationship work. He tells me that it is unfixable, and that he wants me to move out. And that he doesn't want too be in a relationship. He will tell me that oneday, then the next, he is sleeping with me and being affectionate and snuggling me the next. He told me this week that I ruined him for all other woman that no other woman compares to me. We have been hanging out all week, the last night he askd me if I had mad arrangements to move out, then when we were lying in bed he held me tight and told me that our situation is difficult. His actions contradict his words, at times, but this is the second Friday in a row that he has spent at his friends house, instead of with me. But he spends every other day and night with me. I can povide more details if needed. Does he still love me, and is just scared? Advice Please. Thanks.

I think I should have added one very important thing. He found out that I had been talking to my ex-boyfriend. I never "cheated" on him, but I did betray him by lying to him about it. His actions/words are stemming from his being hurt. He cheated on me over a year ago, and we got through that. But he said that by me lying to him he can no longer trust me. I have offered everything I know of to gain his trust back. He is not at fault here, I am. I think I portrayed him as the bad guy, and I didn't mean to. I was just trying to give a brief account of what he says vs his actions. He is not a bad guy in anyway, and he does treat me very good. I do know that he is where he says he is, and not betraying me. Everyone that knows us is telling me to give him time and space to sort out his felings. I was just looking for outside opinions. Sorry if I misstated things.

Answer 1

sounds like he might be using you for the physical stuff while he still can.

Answer 2

OMG NO! Babies do not fix relationships, they only create new and different problems. First you have to ask yourself "Does a baby DESERVE to be brought into such a tumultuous relationship?" Second, you need to ask yourself if you would be better off with a cat to cuddle you and a pron magazine to comfort you because that's all that she's giving you. If you are not emotionally satisfied, a baby isn't going to fix it. You feel like she has no interest in you now, wait until she is pregnant and the baby comes along. She will be repulsed by you by the third trimester because she blames you for her pain. Then you will be competing with A BABY for her attention. A child is not a frivolous thing you can just "buy or rent for her" like a movie. It's a responsibility. Even if you end up marrying her, you will likely get divorced because you will both be unsatisfied and then you are left to fight over A CHILD ANOTHER LIVING HUMAN BEING! You are already worried about finances, and a baby is a big expense. It's 18 plus years of dedication. Also, it is often hard for a person in a relationship to see when it is unhealthy. If all of your friends and family feel this way, then they probably aren't wrong. It's natural for your mom to hate her, but your whole family is ridiculous. Just from what you wrote, I can tell you that you are NOT in a healthy relationship because you are giving and she is not reciprocating. That can only last for so long.

Answer 3

You may both love each other dearly, but there is so much more involved in having a relationship and being commited.
It sounds like the relationship has been damaged on both sides. Although you did not cheat, just kept something from him...he feels as though you deceived him. Appears that he does not trust . He's always going to be thinking of that, not going to trust you.
The best thing to do, would be to sit and have a conversation about where things are going with the two of you. If he thinks he can get over this maybe you can give it another try. But if not, the best thing to do would be to move on before both of you hurt each other more.

Answer 4

Classic case for couples therapy. But it does seem that he's using you. How do you know he is at a friends on Friday. He may be holding you at bay from realing inquiring by telling you that the relationship is over while he continues to use you while he builds another relationship. Have boundaries and standards. Only you can take care of you. Don't be a doormat.

If all else fails and you can't build up the will. Check his phone messages and his outgoing and incoming calls on Fridays. I have a feeling you might not want to be with him after.

Answer 5

This is a guy who doesn't know what he wants and is too immature to make a commitment. If he's doing this now - just wait until you catch him on a "good day" and marry him - then he'll be pulling the SAME behavior only this time it will be more painful. Don't wait for him to make the decisions about your life and happiness. You deserve better than what he's inconsistently giving you. If I were you I would get out now and find someone that won't take you on a roller coaster of emotions every week.

Good Luck

Answer 6

Heis cheating. You know this deep down inyour heart and yet why dont you want toadmit it. Let him go- moveout and if there is something between you - it will get straightened out. But mygut level feeling on this is that he is cheating and has spent the last 2 Fridays with someone else. you need to move on. good luck -k-

Answer 7

I kinda agree with Valerie. He's seeing someone on Friday's. He's using ur feelings and affection the rest of the time. Confront him with the reason for u moving out. If he can't give the right reason, or st udders, or moves away, it's time to move on unless u want to continue a lie. If u love someone set them free, if they come back it's meant to be if not.............unless u don't have somewhere else to move, then sleep on the couch and refuse him the cuddling.

Answer 8

Has he seen a doctor? It almost sounds like a bi-polar disorder, but I'm not a psychologist or a doctor of any kind, it sounds like a hell of a roller coaster ride he's on.

He needs to be seen by one, dear and until he gets the help he needs, psychological, physical, whatever, don't make any life altering decisions and be prepared for going on without him, it may not have anything to do with you.

Good luck.

Answer 9

You're not going to like what I have to say, but here it goes....Move out! If a guy says that he does not want to be in a relationship, believe him. He has feelings for you, in fact he may even love you, but that does not excuse his behavior. If you allow him to play you like a yo-yo, he will loose all respect for you. I have been in your shoes, and I often think of what I should have done, but didn't. Listen to me, move out, and stop sleeping with him. He will never respect you, or want to be involved with you as long as you let him treat you like this. We treat people how to treat us! Don't get mad...just move out immediately and when he calls or comes over act like you are too busy to see him, and act like you have moved on. In fact, move on. You concentrate on you for a while, that doesn't mean you have to start seeing other people, after all you don't want him to think that you are playing games. You are still in love with him, and as a matter of fact you will alway love him; however not all love relationships are meant to last a lifetime. This may be the end of the road for the two of you, or you may wake him up and make him sit up and realize what he's lost. Don't sit around and wait for this, but if he does come around and wants you back, don't move in with him. Date him, and then possibly marry him...but not now and not for a long time. Take care of yourself and move out!

Answer 10

Your b/f is playing you like a fine violin. If he loved you he wouldn't be playing these head games with you to have sex. Don't underestimate the mind games a guy can play. A guy that is truly in love with you would never ask you to move out. If the truth were to come out you'd probably find out you aren't the only one he's been snuggling with. Better look real hard dear girl I think there's a knife sticking out of your back.

Answer 11

He's using you for the affection. He may love you, but if you two can't forgive each other, then it won't work. Move out. If you both want to get back together, you will have a lot to talk about.