I will be gaining joint physical custody of my kids with a minimum of a 50/50 split what I don't understand..

Question

My ex continues to violate our divorce agreement. She is not to take them out of state without written notice. She just does whatever she wants do and I have a ton of police reports to prove it as well as photos from a P.I. showing she is not where she claims to be. She also tells the kids to lie when they call me to tell me where they are. All of this will come back to haunt her in court. I pay my support three weeks at a time just to make sure I follow the rules. Although she is not breaking criminal law it will hurt her in court. Why would someone continue to do this when all I want is a peaceful resolve to this problem?

Answer 1

She sounds shady. What is it about her that makes her so deceptive? I would be concerned with the lying and not wanting you to know where she is when she is with them. She isn't the type to just run off with the kids is she? Continue to do what you are doing...document everything.

Answer 2

Can you file contempt charges? If you cannot get her to understand her making the kids lie and acting this way is wrong, then maybe the judge can.
Some women break court orders when they feel their children are being hurt, but it doesn't sound like it's the reason she is doing it.
She may very well be doing it to get back at you, or to make herself feel she is the boss.
Until she grows up, all you can do is be the better person. Make sure if she is lying to the kids, you set it straight. I know my husband's ex kept lying to the kids and when he was basically forced to tell them the truth, it was like a load was lifted from their shoulders. All you can do is tell them you don't know why she is doing this, but you love them and you'll work this out,and that you'll always be there for them. Try not to bad mouth their mother while sorting things out. And only talk to them when it's a lie that will hurt them.
Ask them if there is anything their mother has told them that has confused them. And if so, straighten it out,and tell them no matter what to be respectful of their mother while she outgrows this. Pray for her also.

Answer 3

She wants to hurt you. As far as I can tell that is the main goal of most ex wives. Good luck with the courts, in most cases I have found they don't give a hoot what she does as long as the kids are not going to wind up dead and in the headlines tomorrow (just because that would make the courts look incompetent) I don't understand why you are paying any support being you have the children 50% of the time. Unless this is spousal support. Good for you for seeking shared custody, most dads just give up and hope to reconnect after the children are 18.

Answer 4

I have no idea. As a mother myself I would never do anything that would violate a custody aggreement. My children are to precious tome. I would get a court ordered child psychologist to evaluate the children and the effects this is having on them. Her forcing them to lie is quite disturbing and may only be a window into what is going on. It sounds to me like her compulsive behavior to undermine the custody agreement may need to be evaluated by a psychologist as well. It's not normal behavior. If she is taking them out of state against the custody agreement it IS breaking criminal law because that is kidnapping plain and simple.

Answer 5

ok why dose she take them out of the state.. is she moving or just going to family for a visit..if it is a move and she is not telling you // then you have every reason to feel like she is betraying your aggreement// if it is just a week end thing then chill.. try telling her you dont mind the week end or week visits just let you know.. maybe she is worried that you will freak about it..learn to work together on this .. i live in ga and have family in fla.. i do this often and my ex is the same way.. we have a understanding to be understanding.. there are times he is 30 mins to a hour or more late because he takes her out of state... and just last week i was a hour and half late and i phone him and told him to bring her home at certain time because i went out of town..sit down and have a talk.. tell her it is not that you mind .. but that you would like to know where your kids are..if then she disreguard your feelings then feel free to act apond them.. but remember it is her life too and sometimes people do go out of town.. now if she can not respect the fact that you take them out of town then that is a different story.. it goes both ways. you are both the parents...now getting them to lie is another thing... she is teaching them a bad habit..and that should be corrected...but try letting her know that it is ok for going out of town.. i mean as long as she brings them back that may end all the lying..if not then maybe there are issues that are deeper than yahoo answers can answer

Answer 6

It sounds to me like she is really trying to get back at you, and in the long run the only people she is hurting is the children. Wow-to make your children lie, she is really going to give them some serious issues when they grow up. You should make sure they get proper counseling with someone to talk to outside of your family and friends b/c it sounds like they probably need it. As for your wife, the court will take care of her. You take care of your kids. Good luck!

Answer 7

Probably because she doesn't know the consequences and / or doesn't care. I say just keep doing what youre doing, paying ahead of time, and sticking to the rules. You never know what can happen with her lack of responsibility, the judge might have a change of heart.

Answer 8

If you want to be "peaceful" then suck it up and be the bigger person. Just be there for your kids, that's all that matters.

Answer 9

She is bitter, and doesn't care a whole lot about divorce settlement.

Answer 10

Because she thinks she is above the law. Show her she is not....