My boyfriend and I have been dating for more than a year, but we tiff a lot. No BIG fights, but little tiffs. I have a bad temper, and combine that with very low self esteem. I am glad that we dont have big extreme fights, but I dont like the little tiffs that happen once every other day. What are some ways to help keep the temper under control, or solve these little problems. I love him too much too one day let something little become big.
2007-03-16 15:24:08 · 8 answers · asked by KJ 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Usually if you fight about little things all the time, it's really because there's underlying issues within yourself and/or the relationship that you're too afraid to confront. Figure out what they are and talk about them. If you're a little insecure let him know that you need a little more affirmation from him than you're getting, but also realize that he's not responsible for making you feel good about yourself.
2007-03-16 15:30:49 · answer #1 · answered by :) 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It might sound harsh, but I'd recommend couples counseling and maybe even individual counseling for you to get your self esteem level higher.
Many times someone with temper problems doesn't know how to work through disagreements properly. Counseling helps.
Some of your problems may be the struggle for control. Who controls the relationship - you or him? Should be neither.
He makes the decisions on his employment issues, his dress (good or bad), his friends, etc. You make the decisions on your employment, your dress and your hairstyle. These are what make each of you who you are and neither should tell the other what to do or how to do it.
If it involves more blended parts of the relationship like money, household chores, etc - then, you "learn" to work it out without disagreeing. A good couples counselor can help. And, you don't have to be married to get help.
When you lose your temper, think...on a scale of 1-10 (10 being the greatest) what impact this decision have on you 10 years from now? If the answer is 10 - being a great impact - then fight to the death for what you believe. However, if it is less than a 6 - just let it go. Don't disagree. A week from today you'll never remember the problem.
Fight to the death for values, bodily harm and love. Don't fight for who has the right, who is right and who is in control. If he died tomorrow - would it have mattered?
2007-03-16 22:39:24 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Choose your battles to end the tiffs. Sometimes taking a moment to think before you speak helps. Make sure before you engage in an argument it's over something really important to you. Leaving a glass in the sink instead of putting it in the dishwasher or something equally silly isn't worth the tiff.
2007-03-16 22:30:07 · answer #3 · answered by njgrl622 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Key word here is self esteem. If you acknowledge that you need a self esteem booster, then get some professional assistance in addressing this ( counseling). Read some self help books. There are a lot out there and they are a great tool for working at a slow pace without all the rushing pressure. :) THis sounds like a good idea to begin to explore.
2007-03-16 22:29:14 · answer #4 · answered by beachgirl90 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to get into counseling to work on yourself as it seems you are the cause of these "tiffs".
2007-03-16 22:26:38 · answer #5 · answered by ACTS 4:12 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Try talking to him right now let him know how you feel
because right now you might not have big fights but later on you are and there going to get worse....just letting you know
2007-03-16 22:30:15 · answer #6 · answered by me 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you 2 are close enough you will talk about the problem until its solved
2007-03-16 22:34:38 · answer #7 · answered by foolish_love_haze@yahoo.com 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
soo whats the question?
2007-03-16 22:26:52 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋