Should I let my husband sleep?

Question

My hubby has worked 19 straight 12 hour days (overnight shifts). Because of the snow he's home tonight. But he's been sleeping since 9AM and I'm mad because I haven't seen him in over 20 days (I work during the day, he leaves as soon as I get home, and gets home right before I leave). I know that it seems stupid but I'm annoyed/angry/sad that he doesn't want to spend any time with our son and I. Its almost time for us to go to bed, and he'll soon be waking up. Am I justified in being angry/hurt???

Answer 1

my hubby also works 12 hr night shifts....I have the same problem you are having!!!
deep down I tell myself,he isnt ignoring me,he isnt being mean,it is not personal,he is just worn out.....
we also have children,and I feel like he doesnt want to spend time with them.....and when he does,he is tired so he gets angry easier than he usually would if well rested.
what Ive tried to do is on his days off,wich are few n far between,let him sleep about four hours,then wake him up,we eat lunch with the kids,and play for 2 hours or so,then he goes back to sleep for another 3 hours if he wants to...sometimes if he has 2 days off in a row,I let my parents keep the kids for a few hours so me n him can talk or cuddle n watch a flick etc.......
it is hard!and I get mad too and yes i get mad at him,I justify my anger and pain by sayin HE took the job,he works the hours...ergo..his fault?!
when he is really trying to make a life for his family.
Im NOT knocking you,I feel EXACTLY the same way you do,it is hard to seperate feelings from facts or truth sometimes...you just BOTH have to juggle and make some sleep sacrafices,or maybe rework your hours if possible? get off an hour or 2 earlier? if its not possible,sit down together when he is rested and tell him how you feel and see what you can agree on,to get time for your family,thats what we eventually did and came up with the split sleep on some days!
GOOD LUCK

Answer 2

NO, you are not justified in being anything. How could you feel that way after he put in all those hours for you and his son? It is not that he doesn't want to spend time with you, but you can only go so long without sleep. I would let him sleep until he woke up and then I would jump his bones for him. Then get your son and go out to breakfast.

Please don't be mad at the poor guy. He could turn down all that work. He could be out in a bar chasing other women. You are "annoyed, angry and sad?" I don't understand that. Think of how much money he has made and that might make you feel a bit better..................Give the guy a break and make sure he is covered up and warm.

Answer 3

Sweetie, I know exactly how you feel. My husband works like a dog. He works at 3 a.m., or at 10 p.m., with a nap in between, all in the same day. The next time he goes to work is 1:30 a.m. Sunday night/Monday morning. He works, works, works all the time. I let him sleep when he sleeps & try not to disturb him when he sleeps.

However, if your hubby has been sleeping for 12 hours (not sure your time zone) - it's time to wake him up (nicely) by snuggling next to him & let him know how much you & your son love & miss him & want to spend some time with him. Make him some food - he'll be hungry & probably receptive to that. Get your son to bed & then spend "alone time" - if you know what I mean - just try to reconnect with your hubby when you can.

Answer 4

You're hurt and angry, what it really is....resentful. Are you justified? Meaning, you have the right to be angry? Well, no one can tell you that you can't feel this way.

I was in one of those too, more than a few times, with 3 young boys, it's NOT that he doesn't want to spend time with you or your son, but his sleeping habits are screwed up/set. You are taking care of your son, working, probably keeping the house going, am I right? Cleaning, paying bills?

Even though he's doing it to keep that roof over all of your head's, bills paid, contributing financially to your household, he's not waking up earlier to spend quality time as a family with you and your son.

Yes, he's tired and yes, you're not justified, he's helping you, but you need to talk to him about this soon. Wake him up for a talk, one day where he doesn't get his full beauty rest, will not hurt him and maybe it's the push he needs to get up earlier to have that time with you guys, you need to tell him before that resentment gets criticial.

Good luck!

Answer 5

Well, i don't know if "justified" is the right word, but it's certainly normal to feel like that. When he's gone so much, you don't get any attention from him!. It doesn't seem stupid at all, it makes perfect sense and i would be hurt too. But try not be angry... he's asleep- he doesn't know what time it is or that you feel neglected. In marriage it's a give and take about who needs what, so if you really need his attention and affection, then i suggest crawling into bed with him and laying with him... looking at him, touching his face, kissing him and talking to him softly. This may make you feel better and may wake him up nicely too. Just try to decide if your need for him in this moment outweighs his need for sleep. He's been working hard- presumably for both of you so you can have a life together, so just try to remember all those things when you feel neglected and hurt. And if you still miss him terribly, then wake him up. Only your personal circumstances can dictate whether or not you know if your need for him is more important at this point than his need for sleep.

Answer 6

I know how you feel , but you really shouldn't be mad at him. Does he work 12 on and 12 off? If he does then let him rest. He's dead tired and he won't be of any use to you or your child if he doesn't rest! It's not that he doesn't want to spend time with ya'll,his body's just worn down. those are some long hours! I couldn't do it.If he has to go to work the next day then what he needs to do is take some time off to spend with you! It sounds like you both need a Vacation! Try not to get too mad at him though, just remember he loves you both or he wouldn't be working his butt off! Good Luck!!

Answer 7

He has worked 19, 12 hour days and u want to know if its ok that hes asleep and not spending time with u?
Hun, u better be glad u have a man who even works.
There will be other days for u to spend with him. One more day isnt gonna make a difference.
Perhaps u should consider changing shifts if u can.
Be glad u have a hubby who takes care of his family.
Dont wake him. Take a day off work and spend it with him if u need some time.
Good luck to u.

Answer 8

I understand how you feel but your husband is working hard to provide for himself and his family. There are many men who are dead beat dad's and refuse to earn a living, you are fortunate to have a man who is working to support his family. It is really easy to have feelings of resentment and anger, looking at the negatives is always easier than looking at the positives, what would you prefer? That he not work? or after working go hang out with the boys, he may not be awake but he is at home with you and your son. I don't think that he doesn't want to spend time with you, he is just tired. Maybe you two need to sit down and set some boundaries, make an effort to find some time to spend together and there maybe a need for compromise. For right now, allow him to get the rest he needs and find an opportunity when you can sit down wtih him to have a conversation about the way you feel before it gets worst in terms of your feelings of anger and resentment.
Good luck

Answer 9

Let him rest, and catch up on his sleep. 12 hour work days, 7 days a week can really cause someone to get stressed out. He isn't sleeping to hurt your feelings ... he is sleeping because he has been working a lot, and his body needs rest. Wouldn't you be mad if you were working the same amount of hours, and he woke you up?

They hours are just temporary right? I'm sure he will be back to regular hours soon.

Answer 10

I'm a housewife and mother with a husband who works second shift, and it's hard when you are on a first shift schedule due to school. I feel the same way at times!

Try to be understanding...he's trying to make money to help out. Hopefully whenever he has a day off he can spend it with you and your son, but don't be surprised if he just wants to lay around the house first day off he gets.