Living together before marriage?

Question

People that think they have to live together before they are married are not ready to be married anyway.

Because they want to see if the OTHER person is "compatible" with them. It's just another way of being self-centered.

If that is the goal, then of course whoever wants the relationship or marriage MORE will only conform to the other person's expecations of being married. And since the person is getting everything they need from the conforming partner.....what motivation does that person have to get married? None---because they are getting what they need anyway without marriage. See how that works...

Do you agree with this?

Answer 1

yes, i completely agree...well said.

if you are "ready" to move in with someone you should be ready to marry them...no need to play house first.

Answer 2

My girlfriend lived with her partner for 25 years, they have a child together....their love lasted longer than most marriages, so marriage is no indication that the relationship will work. They are still very deeply in love with each other, and I dont know what promted their marriage, but they decided to make it formal only last year...maybe they thought it was time. My daughter has been living with her partner for the past 9 years......why havent they got married?....they cant afford it. Thats the reality of it these days....its expensive to get married. I also think a lot of people are influenced by the high statistics of divorce....so maybe they dont want to end up a statistic themselves. Marriage is wonderful, but the amount of people getting divorced has to have an impact on the reasons a lot of people prefer to live together. In an ideal world, yes, what you say is true....but we live in an imperfect world and the statistics of divorce cannot be ignored.

You only have to read the questions on here to realise that the majority of marriages are unhappy ones, and since being on yahoo answers I have really started to think twice whether I will ever marry again....its pretty depressing really, and although I would like to say marriage is the answer....unfortunately in this day and age, all marriage seems to do is make people unhappy.....not all the time, granted, but living in this real word seems to suggest that people are disallusioned by the "happy ever after" theory.

Great thoughts, but a little bit unrealistic in this day and age.

Answer 3

Anyone who doesn't live with their future spouse before getting married is nuts. Its not about getting the cow for free, its not about reducing a potential divorce. Most of the time I think that people live together out of financial necessity. Its almost impossible in the current state of our economy for people to be financially independant.

My hubby and I lived together for 5 years before we were married. Why in the world would I have agreed to marry him without a feel for how the next 80 years would be (I'm optimistic!) without knowing what I was getting myself into.

There are ALOT of reasons that people get married. Wanting children (marriage does mean more stability), insurance issues, inheritance issues...to name a few. We both lived with previous boyfriends/girlfriends before we lived together and eventually got married. THANK GOD neither of us married our former partners as incidentally they were both a little crazy..and at least speaking for myself I don't know that I would have been aware of that fact had I not lived with him.

Answer 4

A lot of people that live together first do get married eventually. The problem is, some think that living together first will guarantee that the marriage will last, but it doesn't. You can end up divorced whether you lived together first or not.

Answer 5

That's only one way of seeing it.

What about after marriage? What if you wish you had known about your partner's bad habits beforehand? Wouldn't you try to conform to your partner's expectations? Or would you just file for divorce?

Why does only one person have to make compromises? The other one can too. And that's marriage, after all, it's about making compromises, and being able to make things work despite the differences you two might have.

So, yes, there are two ways of seeing it.

Answer 6

What the hell are you talking about?

We lived together for a short period before we got married, only because we loved each other, and we had planned on getting married anyway.

The opportunity to rent a little place presented itself, and we jumped on it. We worked hard to get the place in shape so it would be ready for us.

I have no idea what the hell you're talking about regarding,"...what motivation does that person have to get married."

It's called committment and respect.

Look it up.

Answer 7

I understand your point, but I think that it's a person's own choice, you know?

I'm engaged and I'm getting married in the coming summer od '07, as my fiance and I have always wanted a summer wedding. Anyway, to get to the point, we're living together.

I agree with you on some levels and disagree on others.

Answer 8

You do make sense, but me and my fiance moved in together so we won't be paying two rents when we can just go ahead and move in together. He was staying with me more than he was staying home. But we are getting married in 3 months so I don't see anything wrong with that. Cause we are planning to move to a house when we get married and that can OUR home. We are not delaying anything because we already live together. Everything is going as planned.

Answer 9

I agree with you 100%

Answer 10

it does not matter girls r crazy right after they married you they think they owe you and want to control ur life. I took ur approach and i am happy so far but like i said after marriage they feel entitle to u dude.