this is no so much as a question but an observation. my 2nd grand daughter recently died of sma Spinal Muscle atrophy. my husband doesn't show a lot of feelings of grief, he went to work on Monday I stayed home to get myself together. I of course am not coping well. he is fine. men need to help us grieve. don't just go to work and pretend it didn't happen. it did. he did the same thing when his father died. I know people grieve differently but why are men so aloof. Will his grief be the same when I die or our next grandchild since there is no guarantee that this won't happen again. ok like i said not a real question just an observation...any thoughts?
2007-03-16 13:34:04 · 10 answers · asked by hms 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am sorry for the loss of your grandbaby, no one should have to bury their babies or grandbabies. Your husband is most likely stuck in the whole "real men" don't cry and should be a rock all the time. But he could be still in denial.
My prayers are with you.
2007-03-16 14:01:59 · answer #1 · answered by mysticalviking 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I was in a funeral home the other day and the director was with a man that just lost his wife. The man was very upset, in tears, and suffering great grief. Todd, the director, told the gentleman that the reason God made grief was to show how valuable the person was you lost. He started to ask about warm moments and funny things that he had with his mate and soon the room was filled with laughter.
We all grief in different ways and at different times, you can be sure of that, and at times it does not show. Grief is a private thing, a painful thing, and at times you can't even put it into words but it's still grief. Your husband can hold you and kiss you and say all the you want him to say but its your grieve...the same goes for him. He misses his grand daughter and if the time comes he will miss you to. Hugs to you and your husband I am sure you both need them.
2007-03-16 14:00:29 · answer #2 · answered by sirwilliam1st 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is dealing with it the only way he knows how.Men often need to grieve by themselves because they were raised to believe it's un manly to show emotions.Men will also use work or other activities to keep their mind off things that bother them.This is their way of numbing the pain they feel.I did this same thing when I divorced.I used work as an escape to relieve the stress and numb the pain.Work kept my mind occupied for most of the day so I didn't have to keep replaying hurtful memories in my head.
2007-03-16 14:36:17 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
First I would lie to say, I am so sorry for your loss. I just lost my son to murder 10/29/06. It is very hard. I am seeing a counslor, have you and your husband talked about that?
Everyone does grieve differantly. Men do it totally differant then women. I know every time I talk on the phone to a friend about my son my husband goes to the other room. I can talk to him about our son though. I don't get his attention for very long though. I wouild ask the funeral home if they have any paperwork on men and grief. I got one from our funeral home and gave it to him. I was going to read after, only I haven't seen it since, be sure to read it first. GOOD LUCK and find a strong support for yourself.
2007-03-16 13:44:56 · answer #4 · answered by azgrmadonna 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
it's true that everyone grieves differently, but I'm sure that it's not a matter of "if" he's grieving, as it is a matter of "when". I'm positive that things will sink in eventually, the problem being is that he may "breakdown" when you're not around. So you'll never really know if he's handling anything. Going off expierience.
Good luck.
Sorry for your loss.
2007-03-16 13:41:15 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
He is grieving, but in a different way. If he doesn't go to work and keep himself busy, he will break down. He doesn't trust himself to deal with that so he stays busy. He may feel that if he falls apart he will never be able to stop. He may also think he has to stay strong for you or others. He is grieving, let him do it his own way.
2007-03-16 13:40:28 · answer #6 · answered by QT 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
OUR men are used to being OUR protectors... They can NOT show their grief as much because they instinctivly KNOW we need THEM to be strong. They are not as demonstrative even in their HELPING us. IT does NOT mean they are NOT hurting. IT does NOT mean they don't care. It is an instinctive protective part of their brain. To admit YOU, the wife, feels HORRIBLE, makes THEM feel WEAKER.
ALSO, If YOU demonstrate weakness, they wonder "WHO is going to make ME feel BETTER?"
As a WIFE, YOU KNOOOOOW that our job is always protecting our husbands.
Peace be with you, and many prayers for your grieving family. Dont distance your man~ embrace him.
2007-03-17 20:25:18 · answer #7 · answered by dbzgalaxy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When my son was stillborn in 1985, my ex barely cried. I literally went "all to pieces" Her Mother died two weeks later....same thing. Till this day she has never dealt with the loss of either....I dealt with them, and have since lost both my Mom, and my Dad. I was broken emotionally, but afterwards, pulled myself back together, and went on. I think he needs to "let the pain out", deal with it, and move on. In my case, my ex has been a "basket case" ever since. I hope this doesn't happen to your husband. Good Luck! Sorry for your terrible loss......I know it about kills you!
2007-03-16 13:42:48 · answer #8 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry for your loss, my heart goes out to you, regarding your husband I can't speak for him but it seems like he puts the tragedies aside because if he dealt with them he may not be able to handle it.
2007-03-16 13:39:47 · answer #9 · answered by Vegas 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
be live me he is,, you may not see him cry, but i lay odds,, he has,,,men , are like this we are tought, not to show hurt, like women,, we ,, go off to our self, an let it out,, right now he trying to be strong for you,,,
2007-03-16 13:41:42 · answer #10 · answered by ghostwalker077 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋