I'm 19 and I've been seeing a guy who is 35. We're really into each other but he has 4 children (aged14-18) from a previous relationship. They don't yet know about me and I'm worried that when they do they will totall freak out about it. Does anyone have any ideas how to go about it so that everyones happy, especially the kids?
2007-03-16 13:11:03 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Given the fact that you're about their age it'll be harder for them to accept you. Do they really need to find out if your relationship isn't going somewhere?
2007-03-16 13:17:16 · answer #1 · answered by maggie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl!!!!!
if he's still seing or living with his ex then kick him to the curb. some men think that they can have there cake and eat it all the time. Why? because sisters are letting them think its ok then wounder why later on in the relationship there being treated so bad. He's only 35yrs 4 kids and he aint settled down yet. Man!! if you don't know now you better get to know . This guys a PLAYER he ain't serious just looking for some spring chicken if you ask me! you could met a guy tommorow and still hit it off with them only he won't carrying a (WHOLE LOAD) of baged. trust me everyting seems good at first you need to think long term thats if it aint just lust then ask your is this what you really want Bless !
2007-03-17 15:01:11 · answer #2 · answered by Ladyz7 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been in the exact situation, I was 18, he was 34. The age difference didnt bother me until I found out that he had 4 children, the oldest was 14. I just could not be in a relationship with him. If you can manage it, I wish you all the luck in the world. I did not want to have to deal with all of the issues.
2007-03-16 20:40:15 · answer #3 · answered by EllD75 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
im not so sure this is a good idea at all 19 and 35 wow what an aga difference ! and he has kids damn near as old as you are ! what the hell you think your gunnna be best friends with those kids or what ? there is probably no way in hell those kids are going to accept you or take you seroiusly exspecially as a step mom ! you are in for a hell of a ride girl why dont you find someone more your age would make alot better of a partner for you . sex for instance what are you going to do when his sex drive drops off completly and yours skyrockets? how bout kids of your own think he wants anymore ? at 35 i sure in the hell didnt !!!
2007-03-16 20:22:14 · answer #4 · answered by gands4ever 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can try to keep everyone happy, or you can just go with the flow. It should be up to him as and when to introduce you to his kids but as they are all teenagers you may have a somewhat difficult time in them accepting you as anything more than just "Dads new bit of stuff!" (no offence meant there) I have been there with my dad and it wasnt easy to accept that my parents had split, but even harder when my dad rolled up to pick me up one day with a girl who was closer in age to me than him! Just be yourself and let him do all the hard work with his kids. At the end of the day youre never going to replace their mum so just let nature take its course and maybe it will all work out. Also sounds like he's been a busy boy also in the past if he is 35 and got four teenagers!? I wish you luck.
2007-03-16 22:06:03 · answer #5 · answered by BobtheEcoBuilder 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe that first of all your partner needs to have a serious and long conversation with his kids. just when they are prepared and seem to accept well the situation, you should be introduced. you have to be patient even if the kids do not approve at first. if they really love their daddy, they will accept you since you seem to make him happy! hope that everything works out great, just take your time and when the kids are ready, everyone will be happy :)
2007-03-16 20:17:03 · answer #6 · answered by Helo M 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You can't legislate for how the kids will feel. My advice would be to just be yourself, and don't pretend to be someone you are not for the sake of the kids.
I, myself, was in a similar position. My eldest son was older than the girl I left his mum for. He didn't like her at first, but she won him over eventually
2007-03-16 21:54:20 · answer #7 · answered by Bob Danvers-Walker 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i feel sorry for you, unfortunately this will not work out in your favor, love doesn't make up for everything and this is a big thing. His kids will resent you no matter what you do and eventually it will come between you two. try to build yourself a new life without him in it, save yourself a lot of heartache and grief.
2007-03-16 21:32:03 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
be a friend to them umm especially the 18 year old take it slowly like introduce yourself at first and then build a relationship once they have built a relationship then tell them " your father and i have been seeing each other"
2007-03-16 20:16:08 · answer #9 · answered by tiffers 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
There is no right way to tell them and no way to predict how they'll re-act, be sensitive and prepare yourselves for lots of arguments, hassle and sneaky behaviour.
Good luck - kids are a pain, moreso if they're not yours.
2007-03-16 20:39:36 · answer #10 · answered by MrClegg 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋