My husband of 22 years told me he thinks he is in love with me and his ex-lover. Is this possible to love two women at the same time?
2007-03-16 12:49:05 · 18 answers · asked by mercedes5girl 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
dump that jerk he just wants his cake and eat it too
2007-03-16 12:51:44 · answer #1 · answered by kat_luvr2003 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I echo everyone here. Your husband needs to be devoted to YOU, he made vows, he needs to honor the commitment. If monogamy is important to you, you need to dump him.
Though - odd as it sounds, some people have open marriages and swing. I personally don't believe in this, but it is done.
Now when talking about the topic of love.... you need to ask yourself if this is only an 'above the waist' affair he is having or both emotional/mental and physical/sexual.
Men like the 'challenge'... and often married men get bored when there is no 'spark' in the relationship. To him, maybe jugging two women is the challenge he seeks. But just because he seeks this, doesn't mean you need to go along with this either.
Consult your heart - ask yourself if you are truly happy. Trust needs to be there and you need to ask yourself if you want to stay married or not. If your husband is having emotional troubles, he needs to seek help - therapy, etc. He may also be a love/sex addict (there are 12 step programs for this).
Bottom-line, he is DISRESPECTING YOU, your relationship, your commitment and is not being faithful to you. You need to re-examine where you are at with him and start making some positive-pro-active efforts to get what you deserve and that is honesty and respect. If you don't have either of those things, even friendship is NOT a consolation prize.
Take some action to do what makes YOU happy. If you want monogamy, you need to leave him. He's not offering that to you.
GOOD LUCK! Blessings to you!
2007-03-16 13:03:53 · answer #2 · answered by The Answer Monster 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Was this ex-lover recent or before you were married. I personally don't know how he could feel that way about someone from 22 years ago unless they have been reconnecting. Honestly I think it is possible to really care about 2 people. Sometimes you cant help who you fall in love with. He needs to make a decision and it is going to be hard because someone is going to get hurt. Good Luck and I would think about going to see a consuler.
2007-03-16 12:54:20 · answer #3 · answered by April F 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's possible to love many people. What you have to realize is that love is a feeling. You love your parents. You love your siblings. You love your kids. You love your best friend. You love your spouse but you are also sexually attracted to her/him. That's a large difference. The most important difference is that you are committed to your spouse. You see, love fades and returns and repeats that cycle for as long as your relationship lasts. What matters is that there is the committment that keeps you together when it has temporarily faded. Don't worry about it unless he begins to take action on his feelings.
2007-03-16 12:55:24 · answer #4 · answered by Vince R 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe a man can love two women at the same time. however i think one would be lust and the other real love.
2007-03-16 13:07:49 · answer #5 · answered by judy v 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He loves the history you have together and doesn't want to leave his 'comfort zone.' He loves her for other reasons, maybe sex, maybe he really loves her. Maybe he is going through his 'mid-life' crisis. Does he expect you to stay with him while he fools around with another woman? If so then the question is do you love yourself enough to leave the jacka&* and get on with the rest of your life. What a bunch of crapola! He does just want his cake and eat it too. What a selfish monster! Leave him.
2007-03-16 13:03:26 · answer #6 · answered by StrawberryShortcake 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What? Your husband thinks he is in love with you and his ex. One of them has to be lust not love. And why did he say thinks? He is not sure himself. I think you should confront him on this, ask him what he wants you or his ex? Good luck!
2007-03-16 13:01:03 · answer #7 · answered by mary 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ohh this is hard he loves you and you love him but this can't happen at the same time sorry he might devorice but you just have to keep in mind that there is somebody out there ment just for you God Bless Remember ur beautiful and itellagent no matter what and u have got 2 have faith in yourself.
2007-03-16 12:54:54 · answer #8 · answered by nuttymunkeyjunkey 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you can't love two people at the same time.
2007-03-16 12:53:14 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
nope......he is not IN love with either of you.....I think he is looking for a way out, since he told you some crap like that.....now his x lover.....would that be someone he cheated on you with?....if so, then he didn't love you, because if he had.....he would have never cheated on you and hurt you.
2007-03-16 12:54:07 · answer #10 · answered by mrs_endless 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sure anyone can love many, but the key question is the kind of love he has for each person. I hope for your sake he has the right kind of love for you. good luck
2007-03-16 12:53:01 · answer #11 · answered by lynda 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋