judge this poem?

Question

I AM NOT an acyual poet or whatever. I just got bored so i made a poem. but i still want to know what you all think.

I think I love him
But I'm not sure
He's always messing around
With other girls
I know I'd love him
If he'd just stop
But that's impossible
But it's the hope I got
My friend caught him cheating
just the other day
I said "that's who he is"
But it just won't go away.
Some say get over him
just move along.
But others say forget it,
just stay strong,
he really does like you,
and no other girl.
But it's ripping me apart,
tearing up my world.
I don't know what to do
and don't know what to say
but I am constantly thinking about it
every single day.
Part of me says go with it
don't let his actions mess us up
while the other part says forget him
he's the one who screwed up.
I know I shouldn't waste my time
letting him control my mind
but this is all I can do
to see this through

i havent made the last sentence yet. thats all i have 2 do.

i know it seems long just please read it! it really duznt take that long.

Answer 1

Very well written. You would never know that you haven't been doing this forever.

And as a sidebar--dump the jerk!

Answer 2

This free writing you created is beautiful, but your boyfriend cheating on you sad to say every time he cheat and have a affair he will bring back a disease that is not worth to die for. See females are the beautiful creations in the world without all of you mankind will not survive. To me, as a poet, females are symbol like roses and males symbol as the suns and weeds. If one of the suns makes you bloom and lift you out the ground to put so much unconditional love into a rose then that one. But there will always weeds that destroy such a beautiful flower, just tell him to kick rocks and your relationship is over or you will definitely end up regretting it.

Answer 3

I loved your rhymes. But you need.. something. You need artistic inspiration. Play with words, savor them, twist them up, and harbor them. Place them warm, on the earth like seeds, then let them go, they won't ever be weeds. Then when the sun beams down it's light, words will grow, oh what a sight!. And after mothers they become, they will inspire much to some. Clip them off their branches with graceful hand, put them in a wooden basquet, without demand.
Then hopefully you will see, how words a beauty as all can be.
They'll burst like flowers, with sparks and showers, of tiny tear drops, that come to end.

Conclusion: It dosen't have to write all the way, you can grace yourself, don't go astray.

Keep on writing, darling, and please, answer my last question! Oh I'm Fortune's fool!.

Answer 4

Nice job. You don't need another line. It sounds complete the way it is.

Now that you've found out poetry is a great way to release your inner turmoil, keep going. Write some more. Submit them to your school paper or literary magazine. See what happens...you could find out that you love poetry more than this jerky boy. And you could be our next Maya Angelou or Gwendolyn Brooks.

Answer 5

I really love it. The only thing that kind of stopped the rhythm is that last part 'but this is all I can do to see this through'. Maybe " but IT is all I can do" would sound better than the two this. :)
It's a great poem and I'll bet many people can relate to it.

Answer 6

It's great to write for your own reasons, to help you sort out your feelings and express them; emotions put onto paper are easier to sort out and understand that emotions which are trapped in one's head, whirling around chaotically, so from that point of view it's good.
However as a poem, it's absolutely appalling - by which I mean it has no commercial or artistic merit whatsoever. By all means keep writing for yourself, but it's probably best not to show anyone.
All the best!

Answer 7

Yeah, the end does sound awkward.

The worst-written poems are those that result from boredom.

It sounds more like a diary entry than a poem.
Sure it rhymes and the lines are broken up. But it is not art.

Answer 8

You need a thesaurus and a rhyming dictionary...


and about 5 more years worth of reading the classics as experience in sound and meter and form.

It's a start though...

Well done!

Answer 9

I think that the peom is great!
Why not put your talents to good use with someone who respects you?

Answer 10

very good dont bother with the idiot