My boyfriend is over his ex wife, they had been separated for years before divorcing and had been seeing other people for a long time. He admits, though, that getting divorced was painful and that it's hard to understand for people who haven't experienced it. I try to be sympathetic but it hurts a little bit when he talks wonders of his wife (who btw cheated on him), and wants to remain best friends with her. They have no kids. Is it OK if they meet every week?
2007-03-16 11:50:31 · 12 answers · asked by chloe 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Not OK, at all. You , dear, need to find a guy who is actually single.
2007-03-16 11:54:40 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
When someone cheats, it is the ultimate in betrayal, and knocks your self esteem around pretty bad. He obviously loved his ex wife, but she didnt love him, and when she cheated on him, he lost a lot of his self esteem. You know the saying....treat em mean, keep em keen is not just a cliche because you see it all the time....the worse you treat someone the more they sometimes hang on.....read the questions on here and you will understand what I mean.
This is probably the reason he wants to see her and he is probably not even aware of it himself.....he wants her to be sorry, he wants her to show him how much he really means to her.....all because of her cheating, because it really and trully would have affected his self esteem badly.
No, its not OK they meet every week....he has to let go of the past and if he cant do it himself, then I strongly suggest the both of you get some counselling because it is affecting you too. He hasnt let go of her, nor the hurt she caused him. He should be angry and a normal response would be that he wouldnt want to see her all the time.....He hasnt got over what she did to him......he hasnt got over her. If he refuses to stop seeing his ex, then I would have serious doubts as to his commitment to you.
They havent got any kids so there is nothing to bind them to each other...there is no reason why he should be seeing her....its not fair to you. This thing about telling you that divorce is painful, is true, but you dont have to go through it to understand what hurt is....we have all been hurt in our lifetime and if we are understanding people, we can certainly see how something like divorce can affect someone badly. Maybe when he says that to you....tell him that you really do understand how he was hurt.....but if he is not prepared to get over it and move on, then your sympathy can only go so far before that excuse will wear thin.......and it is an excuse...he is not over her yet and he needs to be reminded of that.
As hard as it is going to be for you, you have to give him an ultimatum....its either you or the other woman. You need his loyalty.....you need his commitment and right now you are getting neither.....You have to decide if you are prepared to have half a man....because the other half is with his ex-wife.
This is a problem and he needs to see it as one, and like I said, if he cant come to terms with the fact that she is his ex, then he needs some professional intervention to learn ways to let her go.
This cant go on....he either cuts ties with the ex, or you should love yourself enough to move on and find a man who can love you exclusively.
Take care.....I hope you find the strength to confront him on this issue.
2007-03-16 12:36:14 · answer #2 · answered by rightio 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that what ever the attraction was when they met is still there and even though hard times and bad feelings may have polluted the relationship, men especially wonder "what if things had been different?" My b/f broke-up with me in an attempt to get back with his ex (there's a little girl, too). I said go for it 'cause I really believe people deserve every break they can get. Boy did I suffer. The resurrected relationship failed painfully and he came back to his good hearted woman...me.
2007-03-16 11:57:10 · answer #3 · answered by smecky809042003 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the two regrets seperating, or at least one of them isn't over yet! So many years, and still as close as yesterday? and why should they meet every week, isn't the divorce final?
they don't even have kid and they are behaving this way, I'd say girl be on the look-out or check out!
2007-03-16 12:01:24 · answer #4 · answered by She-whom-shall-not-be-named 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
HELL NO!!! If they had KIDS I would understand for the sake of the kids that are not to be blammoed for the divorce!!! Sorry to tell you this, but if she cheated, and he walked, and now he wants to be friends......HE IS STILL IN LOVE WITH HER!!!!
2007-03-16 12:44:21 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There really should be no reason for them to meet every week. Doesn't sound like they are over each other at all...
2007-03-16 11:56:25 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
With no kids that sounds a little much. I would ask him about it again and let him know about your concern.
2007-03-16 11:55:42 · answer #7 · answered by kerry9477 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no...its not ok...i've been in a similar situation...i was the one continuing to be close to my ex....i wanted to keep that relationship because i wasn't completely over him...and i still wanted him to be a part of life because i was scared of this drastic change in that was a big part of it...
you should ask him what is important to him, you or her? make him choose... its not fair to you...
2007-03-16 12:03:35 · answer #8 · answered by lara 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He still has not cut the cords on his feelings for her. Just watch out for that one.
2007-03-16 11:54:51 · answer #9 · answered by ♦ Phoenix Rising♦ 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
NO! its not right.
2007-03-16 11:54:40 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋