tears full as the river flows, my haert cry's out but i'm all alone, is the end near i hope so, hope for the earth what is that? but will i ever go back to the world that was kind and thoghtfull? i don't know but a new day will dawn in my eyes as i cry for a life we all had befor the world dies.
by
Ariel. (me)
2007-03-16 11:48:36 · 6 answers · asked by ? 2 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Other - Arts & Humanities
I liked it that you write what you're feeling. But you're not writing ALL that you're feeling. DON'T PUT LIMITS ON YOURSELF. Let your soul f l o w. . .
but to be honest, and a hard critic, what I loved most about all you wrote was your name. Sorry but you have to keep on practicing, NEVER GIVE UP. Don't let other people put you down from critics, USE them to fine your way of writing. You can learn from your mistakes.
Why don't you start with ryming poems?.
Just some advice..
writing dosen't come from when you're born, it piles up with time, and wisedom fills up your spirit, and lets it out.. with godly words..
2007-03-16 13:40:06 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ariel, I liked the elements of it...the pace was a little jerky thought or as Randy Jackson would say" it was a little pitchy for me dog".
I did like the last line thought..It was very emotional but optimistic.
Heres' my favorite:
Rose's are red
Violets are blue
I'm schizophrenic
and so am I.....lol
2007-03-16 19:00:06 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
its ok but i like more rhyme in poems of course that depends on the critic this definetly needs some work but has a good start
2007-03-16 18:52:31 · answer #3 · answered by David R 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you want HONEST critique from someone who has studied a lot of poetry, let me know. I would be more than happy supply it.
2007-03-16 20:44:01 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
it is beautiful i luv it
2007-03-16 19:00:03 · answer #5 · answered by yaya 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no
2007-03-16 19:27:47 · answer #6 · answered by Jeffrey C 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋