thinking about marrying him i dont know if i can deal with it. I'm very close to his children, but i just never imagined marrying a man who has already been married. We argue about it all the time. I wanted to always be the #1. He thinks i'm crazy because he says i'm his #1. I havent been exposed to divorces/step-parents/step children so it freaks me out. What should i do?? I cant change his situation because it is what it is, how can i get over it and accept the whole thing. Can i be able to live in the same house every other weekend with someone elses children?
2007-03-16 11:32:51 · 25 answers · asked by Arianna 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You are his #1. Even though you will never be his first wife, that doesn't negate you are the number one woman in his life. We all have a past, and that helped make us the people we are. I know it isn't the same as having ex boyfriends or girlfriends, but there is almost always going to be an ex love who was there first.
As far as living with and being a step mom, that is something you really do need to question yourself on, because if you honestly do not think you can do it, you should get out now. These are not just someone else's children these are the children of the man you love. You love them too, I assume as you said you were very close to them. You can be and probably already are an important part of their lives, but if you really feel this is something you cannot do, it is best you bow out now rather than subject them to another torn apart household.
2007-03-16 11:42:14 · answer #1 · answered by kalea_kane 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Marrying someone with kids from a previous relationship is challenging. Being a step parent can be tough at times, but it can also be very rewarding. Since you haven't had any experience with kids, you will do what all first-time parents do - learn as you go. Bottom line is, you get out of it what you put into it. You are still his number 1 - even if the kids were yours and his, he would still have to divide his time between you and them. That's how a family works. You can get over this by enjoying your closeness with his children, and look forward to being a big part of their lives. That aspect can be very rewarding for you all, if you want it to be. Of course it's up to you, nobody should ever pass judgment if you decided that you can't deal with somebody else's kids, it's your life. Hope this helps, kind regards Penny xx
2007-03-16 12:53:27 · answer #2 · answered by Vanessa 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
ME & my husband would not have a project with it.Why could we.IF he replaced into cheated on he had each and every precise to break up.and what's incorrect with the reality that he has a baby from his previous marriage.little ones are a cutting-edge your mum and dad would desire to be responsive to that.i don't comprehend what you're so apprehensive approximately.I recommend for starters you're 24 you're a grown person.What in case you have been married and had a baby and your husband died and to procure remarried this is the comparable project.And one greater project little ones at the instant are not bags they're people.OOPS I basically found out you have been conversing approximately YOUR daughter..MY suggestion to you is pass away her on my very own she is an person and what do you think of which you're some saint because you under no circumstances have been given divorced.
2016-12-19 07:09:07 · answer #3 · answered by clapperton 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My aunt is divorced and is getting ready to remarry again. The guy she's engaged to has two children who she's very close to. She had doubts about it but if you really love him then I think you should be able to deal with his children and the situation you're in. If you aren't then something's not right. Work it out before you get married. Make sure he knows how you feel about it and ask for his support and love.. As for feeling like you weren't his #1, he may have had relationships in the past but those no longer matter to him. You have to believe him when he tells you YOU are his #1. It's going to be hard but it sounds like you two love each other very much. I would prefer counseling. =] good luck with everything.
2007-03-16 11:53:36 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your having serious doubts then for the kids sake get out now.....if it's nothing serious then you need to sit down with him and his ex and go over yours and their expectations in this situation....you must ALL work together for the best interests of the children ...and never ever let them know about, or be involved in, any conflict between you 3 adults...they may even rebel against you...depending on their age ...young children tend to have a fantasy that mom and dad will get back together....you will be the #1 enemy .....learn how to overlook these things and remind yourself who the adult is and don't say anything hurtful or mean....and NEVER bad mouth their mother..if you are going to marry this man their best interests should come before anything....even your feelings and for the record his children should be #1 always...before you, before him and before their mother's wants and needs...i wish you love, peace and happiness...good luck
2007-03-16 12:13:47 · answer #5 · answered by backwoodscountrywoman 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well if you want to be number one you'd better not marry a man who has children from a previous marriage. They will ALWAYS be the priority. I don't know if you'll be able to live in the same house every other weekend with someone else's children...that is something only YOU could possibly know.
2007-03-16 11:37:59 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Do everybody a favor and leave. I understand how you feel, you want to be number one and that's okay. However, he has children, so you will never be the one and only. If you resent the children now, that's not going to change. It will only get worse, especially if the two of you have your own child. You will treat your child differently and you will hurt his children. You may not think that this will happen, but based on your attitude you will, and you will become the b----y step mom. You even said the two of you fight about it now. Marriage will not change anything. Find someone in a situation you will be happy in.
2007-03-16 11:47:06 · answer #7 · answered by ? 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
His children will always come first no matter what. It will never change. Even if you do marry and have a child of your own with him , it still will not change. His children from his first marriage will more than likely give you a run for your money if you two do marry. It could be a ruff road ahead.
2007-03-16 11:53:05 · answer #8 · answered by Annabelle 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well i say dont marry him..i mean IF u cant handle the fact that his children ARE rightfuly so his number 1 priority...then get out now..
this is a quality that you will appreciate if and when the two of u decide to have kids..think about that.. it sounds like hes a good dad.. thats a good thing!
MORE important tho, the're not SOMEONE else's children..the're the MAN U SAY U LOVE's CHILDREN!! big differance!
if u love him..then u need to step back and understand ..just bc he loves his choldren doesnt mean he cant love u also.
i dont want to sound harsh i really dont..but maybe u need to grow up a little!
2007-03-16 11:52:00 · answer #9 · answered by lisa baby... 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What bothers me about what you said is that you said you are very close to the kids but you can't handle them being there every OTHER Weekend? It's 2 or 3 weekends out of a month and you can't handle that? I thought you said you were close to them? I think you need to tell him how you really feel so that he can decide if he wants to be with YOU or not? I think you are playing him and he needs to know.
2007-03-16 11:52:13 · answer #10 · answered by ♦ Phoenix Rising♦ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋