My wife told me about having two different affairs 5 months ago. one was 20 And 27 years ago. Been Married 30 Years. See asked for my forgiveness becouse see felt so bad all these years.also one affair produced one of our sons. I Forgive her ,but i know these guy. By the way thay were her bosses and much older.The problem ever time we make love all I can think about is them doing her its driving me crazy Even worst her doing them. HELP
2007-03-16 11:04:43 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
OMG get over it already, 1) feel lucky your even making love, most married men i hear from arent that lucky..2) it was ages ago, give her a break already,,3) have you been a complete angel these past 30 yrs?..4) IT HAPPENED ALMOST 3 DECADES AGO!! 5) perhaps actually you get a kinda thrill in the knowledge, and thats why your retaining it for so long 6) give her a pat on the back for being honest with you at least!.im thinking she may never want to be so forthcoming again with you..7) get over it or dont- its your call..but im certain playing the poor victim has got to be rewarding for you~~
2007-03-16 11:24:31 · answer #1 · answered by ~Cindy~ 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hi Gary,
I've been following your story and definitely understand how to deal with this part.
First, understand that ideas only stay in your head because you allow them to. Nobody else controls your mind, only you.
I have a little trick that works to show you how unnecessary and bothersome this all is for you.
Write on individual postcards everything which is concerning and disturbing you and realise while you are doing it that these are only ideas in your mind.
Tie all of these cards on to a piece of string at about two feet apart and tie the piece of string to the back of your belt. Carry on with your normal life while wearing your tail of worries and you will soon understand that you don't need them any more. Get rid of the tail and the worries and bad memories at the same time and go on to solve real and immediate problems.
Just out of interest, the technique is a part of neural linquistic programming and it really does work to reprogram your brain if you want it to.
Good luck.
2007-03-20 03:04:17 · answer #2 · answered by John B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow i don't know buddy, im sorry man. Dont listen to these self righteous women it ok its so long ago thats all bullshit. She cheated on you and took advantage of you. The only reason she stopped is she got pregnanat and felt guilty you were raising another mans child you though was yours. Idk tell her how you feel. Im a young guy never married i would go through the roof and leave and think at least
I am so sorry this happened to you
Additition
I am almost truly sorry for writing this given your decision but i could not sleep, is the only reason she told is because the kids are grown up and you were a father to her son and hes grown up. Though however, she may have never told you and you might have never know, i dont know im sorry best of luck maybe ask you wife some of these things. and tell her about this and explain to her how much it bother you view her and the other guys no matter how hard you try. I think it would bother me to, I dont know how i would get over it do what i said above. Im so sorry man and best of luck
2007-03-16 21:09:00 · answer #3 · answered by holdencaufield 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
She choose to stay with you, you have chosen to forgive her I know its horrible what she has done but you can get over this it happened along time ago and she is obviously really sorry for what she did. I think that the two of you have to talk through whats goin on in your head and get some counselling because the longer you leave it the longer your goin to brood over it and that will just make matters worse.
2007-03-16 18:21:35 · answer #4 · answered by sm 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know it's difficult, but it was so long ago. While we were still dating (but on a break) my current hubby slept with my stepsister(best friend at the time) and I still think about it every day and it has been 5 years. It hurts extremely bad. My advise to you is to go to counseling together. It would be beneficial to both of you - maybe she can figure out why she did what she did and you can learn to cope together.
2007-03-16 18:31:36 · answer #5 · answered by Racheal B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you both need to come to a solution about this ,you either got to forgive and forget as I am sure your record is not perfect and you haven't told her and if you can't then you better go your own way because it will only get worse and for the sake of the children I would be very discrete about how I went about it.
2007-03-16 19:32:48 · answer #6 · answered by MARVIN R 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you may need some marraige counseling. And as for the son that isn't yours, if you raised him, then good for you. I'd say get some help, you may just need to express to someone who's not going to judge you. Good luck.
2007-03-16 18:09:18 · answer #7 · answered by -Bibee- 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow man, first of all I have to say I'm really really sorry about your wife cheating on you. I don't know how I could EVER forgive my wife for cheating. (if I had one) Its going to be tough man, but time is the ultimate medicine. Give it time.
2007-03-16 18:08:35 · answer #8 · answered by pyroman162 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you can work through this! Tell her how you feel and maybe take some time off making love to her! She should understand considering the fact that she cheated on you!
2007-03-16 18:09:11 · answer #9 · answered by Lollipop 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
those affairs were a long time ago, and i understand they still are very fresh wounds for you, may i suggest that YOU go for counseling, because until YOU are able to work through this,nothing will change for you..there will be no relief for you..good luck to you
2007-03-16 18:15:36 · answer #10 · answered by angeleyes 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋