I was married to my ex-husband for 13 years and have a 5 year-old child. Our marriage was rocky, to say the least. Last October, I finally couldn't stand it anymore and I told him I wanted to get a divorce.
He says he still loves me and keeps repeating that even though he was a complete jerk to me in the past. So, NOW he loves me...
The problem is that I still don't have a full time job to support myself and my son and my ex keeps threatening me. He says that he has been too "nice" to me and that maybe he should start by getting my credit cards (which I never use) and by cancelling the Internet (which he doesn't know how to use).
He wants the house and wants me and my son out. It's like, if I can't love him, so I might as well be out.
What do you think? Is he acting fairly? Am I wrong to want to stay in this house until I can properly provide for my son? Something that I hope will be soon?
I need your advice, please!!!!!!
2007-03-16 10:51:22 · 30 answers · asked by Flor 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The house is in both our names. And, no, we are not legally divorced yet.
He says he loves me and wants to work on our relationship. But he still treats me like I'm a piece of furniture or something...
He had the audacity to tell me that I had to have sex with him as long as I stay in this house...
I don't have a full time job. However, I've done 2 years of college and my school is also helping me get a job...
2007-03-16 11:27:13 · update #1
If you live in the house with your 5-yo, you should be able to stay there until such time that you can find a more affordable place for the two of you. In addition, b/c your family live in the house together & you are married, you have a right to 1/2 of the profit from the sale of the house. It doesn't even matter if his name is the only one on the deed. It is considered marital property. Even if he owned the house before you married, if you lived there for 13 years as a married couple, you are entitled to however much $ value it appreciated in those 13 years.
Sounds like he is trying to control you & bully you into staying - that's emotional abuse. If you haven't worked full-time b/c you are home caring for your child, he will have to pay spousal support and child support. Spousal support is generally a limited period of time, usually until you think you will be able to get back on your feet financially. Child support continues until your child is 18 or done with college.
I divorced when my son was 2 (he's 16 now & I'm remarried), and I only worked part-time at the time of my divorce. I was able to stay in the marital home for a while & I received spousal support for a limited time (it was about 9 months in our case) until I could get on my feet & had a full-time job & smaller place for myself and my son to live.
I wish you all the best, good luck to you and your child.
2007-03-16 11:05:04 · answer #1 · answered by sweet pea 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep to your guns Girl! Keep looking for a job everyday, let him take the credit cards and pay for them. The Internet is a little iffy if you aren't paying for it and he is. After you find the job, file for divorce, temporary custody of your son and support and the right to live in the house/apt until the divorce is final and any other bills you can get him to pay in the mean time. Just don't let on to anyone that you are doing this because he will find out through the grapevine if you do. Good Luck. MOVE ON and get over a bad relationship.
2007-03-16 11:01:33 · answer #2 · answered by justme 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to get a lawyer, and file for divorce. Go get a temporary order that sets out that you have the house, custody of the child and child support until the courts decide how things are to be properly divided. That will at least buy you some time to get your own stuff in order, where you're safe from him. If he keeps threatening and harassing you, tell him to leave you alone, it's over and if he doesn't you'll get a restraining order, and then do it. You need to feel safe, and be able to do what's right for you without worrying about what he's going to do to you if you don't do what he wants.
2007-03-16 11:03:58 · answer #3 · answered by coffee_inthe_evening 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He sounds like an abusive JERK!
No judge in their right mind would force you and your son out of your home...you will probably get it in the divorce, and he knows if you leave, he can scream abandonment and keep hte house!!! Talk to a lawyer at once to prevent him from stopping your credit cards, and freezing your joint bank account. You may want to get some cash advances from your credit cards and hide the money in a safe place in case he becomes a real jerk and decides to cut off all funding to the two of you!!
HE is responsible for your support until the divorce is final, and then you will be given an alimony and child support settlement. The alimony depends on the state you live in, his income, and your lifestyle prior to divorce!! It will help you get an education or carry you over until you start getting paychecks. good luck
2007-03-16 10:59:33 · answer #4 · answered by kat k 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Go see a family law attorney right away. He will want a retainer so I hope you have or have access to some money. Regardless your husband can't kick you out of the house, in fact you are much more likely to do it to him.
Yes he can cancel credit cards and Internet (since they are guaranteed by a credit card), in fact he really should. However you can get a temporary support order and start getting payments from him right away, the lawyer can fix that.
Don't worry these things happen all the time, just see the lawyer right away!
2007-03-16 10:59:04 · answer #5 · answered by Just a friend. 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your history is not to clear...are you already divorced? Is the child his child? Did you acquire the house together?
Don't let him intimidate you.
File an order to show cause and try to get the house along with child support and alimony.
Sounds like he's trying to scare you into staying with him, unfortunate for him Courts usually rule in the Mothers favor. They are reluctant to toss children out on the street. If you don't have the money look into legal aid they should be able to help you out.
2007-03-16 11:05:23 · answer #6 · answered by Rustb 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop wasting time on yahoo answers,, start looking for a job,, check out craigslist.com they have alot of good jobs,, check out houses or apartments,,on-line while you still have the internet,,, and depending on where you live,, hopefully you will get spousal support,, we dont get it here in our state,, no matter the length of marriage,,, only child support for 18 and under.
My husband acts the same way when I suggest divorce,,, we fight alot to,,, but I just stay ,,, because I know I cant make it on my own.
Best of Luck, I feel for you.
2007-03-16 11:34:56 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you divorced yet? If not check social services about getting some help from a lawyer and find out what your rights are about the house. He should have to let you stay there with taking care of the child. Best of luck.
2007-03-16 10:56:01 · answer #8 · answered by kerry9477 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay, first of all...why are you still living with him if you are divorced? It's hard to stand on your own if you aren't standing on your own. Get a full-time job or two part-time jobs if you need to. You may have to lower your standard of living to be on your own. If you need to be with him for financial reasons then work on your relationship and build a life together. If not then you need to move out so that he can get on with his life and you can learn to be independent.
I can't imagine living with your ex-spouse. I had a hard time living with my ex-husband for the year we were going through the divorce that he wanted and initiated. Just being in the house at the same time as him broke my heart and tore me up.
It is not healthy for any of you to be living in this type of situation. As I heard someone once say, "Tinkle or get off the potty." Make up your mind to stay or move out. But I sure wouldn't be bad mouthing him if he's willing to pay the bills and let you stay after you divorced him. Not many guys are that understanding.
2007-03-16 11:24:09 · answer #9 · answered by DebbieLou 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband sounds very controlling. I dont know what to tell you except to divorce him, sue for half, and file for child support. Maybe the judge will order him to sell the house and give you half--which is enough money to get back on your feet. The child support should help also. Until then, maybe you can move in with relatives--but you definiley need to get a plan to get a job to support yourself.
2007-03-16 10:57:18 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋