At the beginning of the year I met a guy through a dating website and in May I met him in person.
We got engaged in August and we chose a ring and decided to pay it off (I only work 2 days a week and he only works casual as a supermarket shelf packer so we don't have money). I called the jeweler a few weeks after we chose it and found out that he had cancelled the purchase, then his mum called me and told me things were happening too fast and he wanted to call off the engagement.
I spoke to him and we are now secretly engaged and planning on telling our parents next year.
The thing is he has called off the engagement 3 times so far and I'm scared he is gonna leave me so I am going to try for a baby so he stays.
My friend thinks thos is wrong of me but I don't agree.
I'mm 33 and he's 36
2007-03-16 09:50:50 · 37 answers · asked by Paige 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Getting pregnant in hopes of "keeping him" is not only foolish, but unfair to the child that may be born. There's no guarantee he'd stay because you got pregnant and then you'd have a baby that the two of you apparently can't afford because it doesn't sound like there's a lot of money available now (before any baby).
If he keeps breaking off the engagement, that's a clear sign he's unsure of a long-term future with you. The better option is probably to go your separate ways as someone who really wanted to be with you and be married, wouldn't keep having a change of heart.
Don't punish an innocent child because you've made up your mind you want this, no matter what he or anyone else thinks...it's likely to backfire on you and then you'll be a single mom with a baby, and a lot of bad karma.
2007-03-16 09:56:19 · answer #1 · answered by . 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are wrong...Are you that desperate? Can't you see this guy is a loser? He has no money to support you, and he has backed out of the engagement several times, and you want to get pregnant to hold this guy? He will run for the hills if you present him with a baby... He is 36 years old and a real loser, working in a supermarket as a packer. Wow, what ambition this guy has...Oh he is going to support a baby on that measly salary...How charming. I am sure you will get your parents involved and they will end up bringing up the baby. It is quite obvious that both of you do not have educations, otherwise at 33 and 36 you would not be working part time in a supermarket and he as a packer. Get real! He is trying to tell you that he doesn't want to be engaged or married. He doesn't want the responsibility. Now you got him to secretly get engaged. What a farce. Break it off with him and move on. Also, why don't you go back to school and get some form of education like maybe being a nurse, nurses aide, or x ray technician and make something of yourself. As far as that clown is concerned, he will be a loser the rest of his life and he is a lost cause. Dump him and call off the engagement. Stop being so desperate and clingy..You are acting like he is the only man on this earth?
2007-03-16 11:01:00 · answer #2 · answered by cardgirl2 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is wrong on so many levels I don't even know where to begin.
A few items I noticed were conspicuously missing from your post, maybe you should read it over again:
Do you love him? Why do you want him to stay? What are you so scared of if he leaves you? What makes you think he will stay because of a baby?
You met a man online in January, met him in person in May (5 months) and were engaged in August (8 months)? And in the last 7 months, you two have gotten engaged and called it of TWICE?
It doesn't sound like he's committed to you or in love with you with a long-term future in mind, especially if his mother had to call you the first time because he was too much of a coward to tell you himself.
I agree with the above, the baby is being used by you as a tool. Your plan won't work, either; if he doesn't stick around because of you, he won't stick around because of the baby. You'll be raising the baby all alone, and it doesn't sound like you earn enough money to support yourself!
That's right, I'm playing the "biological clock" card for why this relationship is still together.
2007-03-16 10:07:34 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Having a baby to keep a guy can backfire in SOOO many ways. You'll regret it in the long run. The guy will either dump you if he's not ready for a baby, or he'll step up but resent you for what you did. Guys do not want to be trapped because of a baby. Even if both of you are ready for a baby, it's gonna be hurtful somehow in the long run. If he stays, but you break up for some other reason, you're attached at the hip for 18 years. DO NOT HAVE A BABY JUST TO TRAP A MAN INTO STAYING WITH YOU!!!!! I'm almost 23, and I know better than to do that crap.
2007-03-16 09:59:43 · answer #4 · answered by all_on_the_floor 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not to put you down or anything but sista girl your 33 and I'm 28 you should be teaching me..but that is the most ridiculous thing I ever heard of..that's why most men don't have respect for half of us now..hell if he wanna walk away let him go..then you get yo sh*t together, get a better job and do you..just because you have a baby doesn't mean he will stay..there is a saying " Mama's baby Daddy's maybe" please think about your life first make yourself happy and get some self esteem and you will find someone who will be there for you regardless of how much money you have or vice versa..if he loves you he will stay but please for a child's sake, don't bring a kid into this for that reason..it's wrong!!! A baby don't ask to be put here..especially not to keep no man...so what happens if he say well you know i was broke so i ain't raising no kid and you never speak to him again...PLEASE GET IT TOGETHER!!!!
2007-03-16 10:01:56 · answer #5 · answered by T-MAC 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What type of idea is that? You have to have more confidence in yourself then that. You're going to try to trap him because you don't think that you can keep him without doing so? I say if he leaves then he leaves. Sounds like he is not ready anyway so if you are so desparate to get married then you need to find someone else who feels the same. Having the baby to keep him is one of the dumbest things that you could do. Have you ever heard of single parenthood? Yeah, he can still leave you when you have the baby only then you will have a kid to take care of by yourself. Is it even worth it? Just let him go. You've only known him for a little while anyway.
2007-03-16 09:57:52 · answer #6 · answered by Vince R 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh honey having a baby to keep someone is never a good option. You are gonna hurt you, the baby and the potential daddy in the long run. He might freak out and leave you if you tried to get pregnant without him wanting one. So i would suggest stepping back and talking to him about the whole situation. If he has called it off 3 times he is probably not ready to make that kind of commitment.
2007-03-16 09:59:09 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
How about leaving the engagement called off indefinitely and concentrate on your relationship?Sounds like he feels a little rushed to me.Just calm down a bit and let things flow.And NO,do not have a baby to TRAP him.That's just evil and underhanded,probably not qualities he is looking for in a life partner.
2007-03-18 01:10:46 · answer #8 · answered by Jane Doe 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, having a baby in order to trap your boyfriend into marriage is incredibly selfish, self-centered, and wrong. Sorry for the tough love, but it's true. You are putting your "wants" ahead of basic fairness and honesty.
First of all, you don't know that your getting pregnant will "seal the deal" - it may just cause him to panic and run. If he's unstable and unreliable enough to rush into engagements and then cancel them repeatedly, he's not likely to committ to something as permanent and life-altering as fatherhood.
Second, he will eventually find out or suspect that it wasn't really an "accident," and he will resent you for trying to manipulate him. You child will resent you, because you used him/her as a pawn in your marital game.
The two of you need to enroll in couples counseling immediately to work out why marriage is such a difficult step for the two of you. Be mature, be honest, and work on the core of the problem instead of using sneaky traps.
2007-03-16 10:04:18 · answer #9 · answered by teresathegreat 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
YES, you may have a baby. 33 is the right age! But... this is FOR YOU, not for him to stay. If you feel able to take care of a baby on your own, that's OK. If not, you should wait.
Do you love him? Does he love you? If you love each other, why do you act like jealous women! If one of you doesn't love the other, anyway your marriage wouldn't solve the problem. On the other hand it is said that, in a marriage, one loves always more than the other one.
Is this helpful enough?
2007-03-16 10:27:52 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋