About a yr ago, i found out that he was talking to a married girl.He said I pushed him there bcuz of my jealousy.He stopped talking to her.Now hes talking to someone else.I confronted him and he said that it was a guy friend, i called that # and its a girl and he said that it was his friends wife, that she sometimes has his phone.I checked the mthly stmt and the minutes to that # are long.I know its not a guy's #.He told me that if i keep checking the statement that he's gonna disconnect that phone and get another since I am the primary on this acct i can see all the activity.He's lying to me and I promised him that I was not gonna check his phone again, and that if i did, that I would be the one walking away.I think part of it is bcuz of my weight.Im trying to lose weight, but knowing that he is talking to someone else is killing me inside.We've been married for 5 yrs and this just started about a yr ago.I cant confront him bcuz i dont want him to leave me.
2007-03-16 09:41:02 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He is taking advantage and doing that because you let him. So what if he leaves, you can do better. Let him do that to someone else, it isn't worth being unhappy and living that way. Take it from me, been there and done that.
2007-03-16 09:44:16 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I feel for you, but you are allowing him to treat you that way. A huge part of marriage is trust, and your life should e an open book to your partner. There should be nothing for either of you to hide. If he has a problem with you looking at the monthly statements, he's hiding something. And the reality here is he knows that what he's doing is wrong, that's why he's getting so upset, and because you are insecure with yourself you're a perfect target for him to turn it around on you and make it your fault. Don't let him walk all over you anymore. Tell him that his relationship with whoever that is, weather it's sexual or not, is making you uncomfortable, and if he respects you he will end it completely. Also I would suggest counseling, for yourself, and as a couple, it sounds like there are some deeper rooted problems here, and you guys just don't know how to communicate them to each other.
2007-03-16 17:06:58 · answer #2 · answered by coffee_inthe_evening 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to take a slow, deep breath. You called the number, and he said it's his friend's wife. That makes sense. My wife answers my phone about half the time. Did you talk to her at all, and ask her? If not, then maybe you could call her back and ask now? Or if you can't (sounds like a touchy situation) then I would say let it go for now. Keep an eye on him, it does sound kinda fishy, but long conversations do not a romance make. Maybe it is th guy, and they're talking about work blowing off steam or planning stuff for work. If he is innocent, you don't want to drive him away. If he's guilty, he'll slip up eventually.
2007-03-16 17:53:27 · answer #3 · answered by Sean J 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
look, I know your frustrated. I would be too. There is a way to handle this so that you win. Sounds crazy but go with me on this. ok. Get your hair "did" and by that I mean change the color get a style etc. Women do this when they all undergo change and i am guilty of it. Get new clothes. work out. spend time away from home doing what you want to do. maybe its a pilates class or pottery class. IGNORE HIM. pretend that he doesn't exist. don't cook for him. don't even sleep in the same bed. He will totally cave in and think that you are having an affair. the more you pull away the better off you will be.
2007-03-16 16:55:05 · answer #4 · answered by workaholic 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My husband is doing the same thing right now and we have been together for 16 yrs. Keep a record of everything. You can go online and review all of the phone calls made on that phone every 30 days. And steaming his mail open really works. It is illegal but at least you will know what is really going on. Save all of the money you can get your hands on, lose weight and start making a life for yourself now. When you are financially, physically and emotionally ready. Get up and leave but in the meantime let him think you adore and trust him!
2007-03-16 17:30:15 · answer #5 · answered by Sunshine 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He is lying. He will stop talking to this one and then another one is going to come by.
What you need to do is go to the gym, get your self a trainer and loose the weight. Use this a self motivation tool, show him that he has everything he needs at home. If cash is the problem they are community centers that have gyms in most urban areas, just get out of the house go for walks or jog. This will help you get your mind of him and whatever it is he is doing.
Most importantly you don't need him in your life if he is not giving you the respect you deserve.
2007-03-16 16:58:24 · answer #6 · answered by hayde_kat 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
first of all you're already beautiful-so what do you mean you're not going to confront him--listen to yourself.
no wonder he walks all over you, you lie down like a rug.
I wouldn't bother with reading phone statements.
work on losing the weight, don't wait for him to treat you right first, it won't happen until you do, sounds like he is shallow,
but as you blossom into a lovely young lady, you will be a happier person.
for now tell him you are wise to him and he will pay for these antics by this summer., you know what?? when he sees you getting back your figure he will become insecure!
SEEING IS BELIEVING
2007-03-16 17:00:47 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well have someone else call the number and ask if (guys name) is there. That should tell you alot. But honestly you have low self esteem and you shouldn't put up with this crap. I think it sounds fishy and your instincts are telling you somthing is wrong. DO what you need to do. Wieght is not a reason for him to treat you this way. If you need to talk about this some more E-mail me. I am more than happy to help.
2007-03-16 16:50:01 · answer #8 · answered by Chrissy #1 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Since you have the number call her and ask her if she knows your husband, say you see that number on the bill and for long periods of time. Most mature women will be up front and honest because they would want the same. If he is cheating dont blame yourself for your weight gain. If he loves you your weight should affect his feelings. Sounds to me that he is sneaking around. People always try to justify their cheating because their mate pushed them to it. Right! No that is not right. Girl get a hold of yourself and boost your self esteem. You dont deserve to be lied to or cheated on due to your weight. After 5 years its hard to walk away but staying in that relationship isnt healthy for you or him. Good Luck
2007-03-16 16:47:54 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
He is cheating if he loved u he wouldnt be talkin to some one else and trying to hide it .... i would leave him because im the same way ill be damned if my man want s to talk to some b*tch and tell me its his guy friend you know a woman always knows when you get that feeling its the right feeling and he seems like he is hiding it from you and he shouldnt no wonder you feel the way you feel you need to take control of this situation and tell him if he dont straighten up u might be force to seperate he would be the one to leave ofcourse you can get alot in the divorce just keep the phone records.... good luck
2007-03-16 16:48:07 · answer #10 · answered by Reina 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You have 2 choices - trust your husband, stop checking his phone bills and acting suspicious and accept things the way they are OR admit that you can't trust him and walk away from the relationship. Accusing him of having an affair, arguing and making him paranoid are only going to push him farther away. Decide what you want, and stick to your guns, even if it means having to leave the man you love.
2007-03-16 16:45:54 · answer #11 · answered by eileezy2002 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋