Am I right to feel betrayed by my boyfriend?

Question

I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years and we have always had a solid relationship...until recently. Over the last 4 months or so he has been texting a girl from his work most weekends and whenever he has a day off. I have read some of these texts and I think they are inappropriate as she tells him she thinks he's lovely and she misses him, etc, and also talks about her ex-boyfriend and past relationships. The main issue I have with this is that he lies to me constantly about it. When I ask him if he has recieved a text from her he says no, even when he has & he deletes all his messages to and from her. Now, I don't think he is cheating as she always texts him first and the replies I have seen from him have been of a platonic nature. However, I feel so paranoid at the moment and I can't take anymore lies - why lie if its an innocent friendship?? I have spoken to my b/f about this and he says he understands my concerns, but yet the situation goes on and on! Any advice appriciated!

Answer 1

I can understand your pain. It seems as though co-worker has a problem in finding her own man and has her sites set on your man. There is no reason for him to lie if it innocent, and there is especially no reason for them to keep up this constant texting no matter how platonic. He may be afraid to let her know that he is in a serious relationship and does not and cannot work out all of co-workers situations. He needs to be able to stand firmly and let her know that he is going to share the texts with you and I thinks she may stop texting him as she would not want you to know her personal business.

The real problem is she needs a man and b/f needs to stop texting her - weekends should be a time for the two of you and to focus on one another and your relationship needs.

So don't be paranoid, be gentle and firm - sit down and let him know how you are feeling about the texting and ask why is it that she is signalling him out? Then you can discern how platonic it is or isn't.

Answer 2

Perhaps he is lying because he feels backed into a corner by you constantly interrogating him? Why not trust him more? Snooping through his text messages is just wrong. People can have friends of the opposite sex and still carry on a relationship. Believe me, if your partner wants to cheat, he will do it whether you nag him or not, and take this to heart - if you nag him enough, you will most likely drive him to look elsewhere for affection. When a person feels controlled in a relationship, it is only a matter of time before they want out.

Answer 3

:You say he hasn't been cheating because his responses have been platonic? Yet he discards how you feel, puts little value in his relationship with you by constantly lieing to you. I mean, how much crap are you willing to take from this guy? He obviously thinks of you as a pushover and has no respect for your feelings. If he really cared he would have stopped this girl from texting him right from the start. Anyway, how did she get his email address to begin with? I am more angry for you than you seem to be for yourself.. Something is wrong here. If it were my guy I would have booted him out the minute I saw the first text , let alone me embarressing myself my always having to check up on him and finding he is still lieing. This is what your guy is doing, and you are taking it..

Answer 4

iF HE IS CONSTANTLY texting her and hardly spendin time with u then u have more then a right to be betrayed. And from what i read, If he really understood your concerns why is he still text messeging her? I think there is stuff he is not tellin u. If i was in your setuation i would feel the same way. He might just be her freind but like i said if he constantly commin up with excuses not to talk. The fact he said he never texts her when u said that u saw he does the fact he lied to u is a very big sign he might be cheating on u. Because if thee was nothin goin on i would think he would be intirely honest with u. I meen does he let u look at the texts or do u peek why he isn't looking? another thing to consider. Also check for the sign. Like is he making up excuses not to spend time with you? Is he always doin this? stuff to consider. And if he shows any of these signs its a very high chance he's cheating. Its also kinda weird that she has his cell number that kinda weird to me but that just me. Anyways i hope this helps and best wishes to u. PS. To me though it sounds like he is cheating on u it really does sound like it to me.

Answer 5

This is how my now-ex's affair started. Texts, deleting so I wouldn't see them, lying about when he corresponded with her. It got to be too much. A year after it started, she texted him on Christmas and ended the text with a casual "i love you" and I left him. It's been a long road and a hard realization to make, but I guess knowing what I know - I wouldn't trust him. I know that's hard to hear, but I was with my now-ex for 4 years before this issue started and he could never be honest about it until I caught her saying i love you, and knew we were over. And I was glad. You don't want to be with a guy who thinks the other chick is more interesting and more enticing than you are. You deserve someone who will tell you the truth and it's obviously not him.
Good luck.

Answer 6

maybe you,your b/f,and that girl should talk about this situation. and a true boyfriend would never cheat he would always be beside you. but it sounds like you have nothing to worry about because you and your boyfriend have been together for 3 years and that girl has only been with him 4 months! or if you ever see her and your with your boyfriend you can kiss him on the cheeks all the time and act like he is your love of your life! which he is ... i think. than she would become jealous and stop texting him. you never know maybe she doesn't know that he has a girlfriend. and you could call her one day and say "you know that (his name) has a girlfriend which is me on the phone.

Answer 7

Sometimes men can be so stupid and blind. Tell him how much it bothers you, again. Then maybe try showing him this question, and let him see what other people think of what he is doing. Sometimes it helps to have a little back up. Cheating to me is doing anything you wouldnt do in front of your partner, so in a sense he already is cheating. No relationship needs a third party, even if she is just a friend. Its hard enough to keep it together with just two.

Answer 8

THIS HAS BEEN GOING ON FOR 4 MONTHS?!!!?? Honey, if he REALLY loves you he would have told this woman that he already has a girlfriend and to lay off the messages. Would you want to marry him, and for the rest of your life, from the minuet your standing at the alter to the minuet you are in you're coffin, wondering wether or not that he's really,"working," or kissing that girl while his wife stands at home taking care of Jr.? Do you really want that kind of relationship? if not it sounds like it's about time you two ended it. And to ," I'm your friend!," you need to lay off the ," home Improvement." i just got done watching that and Tim said the same thing.

Answer 9

TRUST YOUR GUT!!! There is more there than a friendship, why else text when outside of work. Trust me, I was in a similar situation where the guy would email me from home when he was out of work and had a girlfriend. When they broke up, he asked me out!!!

This is not good at all and what kind of friend feels the need to tell another that they miss them?!?!? Not right and completely DISRESPECTFUL!!!

Answer 10

well, if he lies about the little things, he will lie about the big things! And if he is lying then there probably is a reason why. The reason is either that he is attracted to the girl or he is afraid you will start a fight if he tells you the truth. Either way, he should want to be with you over this girl and lying is ALWAYS wrong!