Ok she has a 20 year old daughter. We all live together in the same house. Mom and I are in a relationship. Should I be paying for dinner out for all three of us? What's the answer Emily Post?
2007-03-16 09:16:25 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
You have all brought up some good points!
I pay all the household bills, mortgage, electric, water etc. Mom buys groceries and other various toiletries for the house.
Daughter - has no job but might be working soon as she is going through a backround check and then should be hired.
2007-03-16 09:30:25 · update #1
No, sometimes it would be the right and decent thing to do if the daughter or mother would pay for all three. After all you guys are living as though you are a family and sharing a roof. You should not be expected to pay for everything all the time.
2007-03-16 09:23:24 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Simple answer: NO.
Why? Well because with three adults in the household expenses should be shared proportionally according to what each of the adults earns. Of course if her daughter is still in college or not working you may both feel you don't want her to pay for you. That's ok I think as long as it doesn't stretch out for years and years.
However if your mate does make a living she should offer to pay her share of expenses and dinner out is an expense too. Let's imagine she makes less money than you? Well then let's say she pays 1 time out of 3 to even things out, but if she has her own money and never pays and even imposes her grown up daughter on you too, it sounds too much like a sugar daddying to me. Sorry for my bluntness.
Of course how to approach this topic is another issue, she might honestly not have considered you would feel bad about this. If she was raised to the myth that men should pay she might really be blind to the unfairness of it all.
So I'd say why don't you offer to have a jar in the kitchen to which you'd all contribute proportionally to your salary and use that money for this kind of expenses? It might be easier on her than just asking her to open her purse at a restaurant?...
Also I feel she might be touchy on the topic (especially if she honestly hadn't thought about that, she might feel guilty and react aggressively) so a open heart quiet and loving explanation beforehand may also feel good (no witness it might make her defensive if her daughter is around during the conversation).
Just my two cents :) I hope the three of you will sort this out!!!!!
2007-03-16 09:30:46 · answer #2 · answered by Andrea 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It would be nice to buy them dinner once in a while. How about paying for dinners out from the joint account or credit card you use for communal expenses (such as utilities, etc.) Don't charge her 20 year old daughter for her meal. That's kind of tacky? Your out to dinner as a family unit, not as friends or strangers. Makes me wonder if people charge their children each time they take food out of the cabinet or fridge.
Why is this an issue? If you live together, shouldn't you have a clearly understood financial situation, plan?
2007-03-16 09:24:55 · answer #3 · answered by Answer Girl 2007 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is a difficult question. I think you should pay for her daughter if you go out to dinner. It really looks cheap of you if you ask her for money. When she gets her first job, then she should offer to pay her way when you go out, but now you should pay. Why does she have to come with you all the time anyway? She is not a minor that she cannot stay at home alone. Discuss it with your g/f and see what are her feelings on this. But seriously, when she gets her job, she should offer to pay sometimes.
2007-03-16 12:03:24 · answer #4 · answered by cardgirl2 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Emily Post I'm not. obviously! Ha! If someone is 20 yrs. old, why hasn't employment of some sort been an issue so that the daughter can have at least "pocket change" for eats? I'm not being judgemental. Unless it's a special occassion and all three of you go out, provided daughter has no income, each person should go stag.
2007-03-16 09:21:59 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you are all going out on your suggestion then yes. If it is her suggestion you should ask if she is paying, or to be more diplomatic: hey, great idea are we going dutch? or the old stand-by: I really don't have the funds, do you? Personally, even though I am married I never suggest dinner out unless I know I have enough money to cover the bill. I'm never sure how much cash my hubby has on him at any given time!
2007-03-16 09:23:09 · answer #6 · answered by Barbiq 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does the daughter contribute to the household income and does she have her own income? If she does then there isnt any reason why she shouldnt contribute to dinners out.
Its a bit more difficult if she is supported by her Mom though and it depends on how you and your partner share living expenses.
2007-03-16 09:21:17 · answer #7 · answered by Tiffers 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I believe costs should be split evenly when you're living together. If you were married, your money would be mom's money and vise versa. Daughter needs to get a job and start pulling her weight around there.
2007-03-16 09:54:28 · answer #8 · answered by all_on_the_floor 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, i don't know what emily post will say but as someone who lived with someone before marriage - our money was pooled. it was never spelled out "this is yours, this is mine" but we also were younger and didn't have any kids. i would think you guys almost need a family fund - money that goes for family time or entertainment/food.
i don't think it's fair for you to have to pay all the time!
2007-03-16 09:21:21 · answer #9 · answered by Suzanne 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My boyfriend doesn't always pay for myself and my son when we go out to eat. He does a lot, just to be chivalrous, but I don't ever expect him to. Many times we split the bill, and I say that's completely fair.
2007-03-16 09:21:02 · answer #10 · answered by chaotic_mum 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋