I just don't get it. When we first met, he said he had a drinking problem and wanted to stop drinking and smoking weed, and he was so happy he met me and I changed his life. I know, stupid naive me, I fell for it, I truely believed he wanted to change and would " because he cared about me so much".
Well, guess what, it's a few years later. We got engaged a year ago, and he is always whith his guy pals drinking or smoking weed because he can't do it around me. I ask him why he doesn't stop. He doesn't answer me. It makes me feel as if he never cared, or he would stop. I feel like he out right lied to me. Now, instead of 'you make me so happy and you changed my life and i am going to stop drinking and smoking weed" its 'I don't like her she is getting on my case about weed". I know. I should have known. Well, I finally woke up and smelled the coffee. The one thing really bothering me is Why doesn't he answer me when I ask why he doesn't stop and why he said he would? (Doesn't care?)
2007-03-16 09:09:43 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He is just telling you what he would do after marriage
2007-03-16 09:12:57 · answer #1 · answered by jokimben_el 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You say you waked up and smelled the coffee? You need to come off of your dream world and see this guy is bad news. He only told you about him changing to win you over. He had no intentions of changing his ways. Remember this, if you marry him you are kidding yourself if you think you will be able to change him. What I do not understand is this, why bother with a guy who will give you so many problems when you can get one that doesn't. Ask yourself, would you want him to be the father of your children? Do yourself a favor, if you marry him, don't have children. If you are naive enough to believe this guy then you don't have to involve children to be a part of this huge mistake. Get a good comfortable chair, TV, a lot of good books as your wedding gift. These things will come in handy on all those nights you will be spending alone while he is out with his friends. Not trying to be cruel, trying to save you a life of heartache and dispair. Hope you listen.
2007-03-16 09:23:23 · answer #2 · answered by pictureshygirl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Andrea,
Your fiance is still in his party boy stage. He will continue until he grows up and becomes a man. Sometimes that takes awhile for a guy to look towards his future of kids, a wife, a 9-5 job, and a house in the burbs. If you can wait around that's up to you. Don't expect him to change until he's ready on his own to put that life behind him. The only other option you have is to get rid of him and find someone that's ready to settle down to an adult lifestyle. Good Luck.
2007-03-16 09:17:26 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He won't answer your question about his drinking and smoking problems because he knows it's a weekness, he doesn't want you reminding him of his weekness everytime you see him, i know you won't like this advice especially if you love him but i think you need to leave him, tell him your gonna leave if he don't stop, and if he doesn't stop make sure you follow thru with your threat and leave, if he truly loves you this could motivate him to seek help, if he doesn't make the effort to stop then your best off with out him, if he don't change his ways he's just gonna make your life a misery, Don't allow that to happen
hope it all works out for you
Paul
2007-03-16 12:11:39 · answer #4 · answered by paul R 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's an alcoholic and addict! He can't stop without help....you certainly can't MAKE him stop -
He was upfront with you when you met him.....and told you about his problem(s) - why would you get tangled up with him in the first place if you knew he had these problems. Did you really think you were that special that he'd stop for you - FAT CHANCE!!
It isn't that he doesn't care - it's that he just can't stop!!
You need to do some research on addictions
2007-03-16 09:53:01 · answer #5 · answered by brenny_boo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
a drinker or a smoker will not stop until THEY want to stop. You can nag, you can whine, you can pout all you want but if he doesn't want to stop drinking and smoking then you're not going to get anywhere. Take a lesson to NOT get into a relationship thinking that YOU are going to change the other person and make them into the person YOU want. It simply doesn't work. Time to move on.
2007-03-16 09:26:25 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
take advise from someone that has been there, if you dont like how they are when you date them , they wont change when you marry them. He has made a choice, his friends, drinking and weed over you...my advise would be to break off this relationship now....if it is meant to be then maybe HE will be the one to come to you, if that is the case tell him what you expect and dont expect, if he cant live up to that then tell him good bye...some men never grow up, it sounds like your headed down a broken hearted trail..it wont be hard but there are too many guys that will be happy to give up things for the woman in their life. good luck.. i hope it helps
2007-03-16 09:16:07 · answer #7 · answered by doing my best 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is telling you what you want to hear. He is not ready for a marriage or even a serious commitment. First he needs to get help for his addictions. Until he gets help and stays sober for a while and gets rid of his friends that he drinks and does drugs with he can't commit to anyone.
Leave him. Tell him why you are leaving him and if he would like to get clean you would be there to help him through it. If not, you're better off without him.
2007-03-16 09:24:12 · answer #8 · answered by QT 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your future husband is a piece of garbage. He will never stop if he hasn't yet. Not to sound like an asshole but if he can get this by you without you doing anything what is stopping him from doing other things such as cheating on you. He is garbage!!!!!! Drop him and find you a real man who will love you and not his habits.
2007-03-16 09:23:40 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
he'll never stop my husband dranked too were separated because of abuse you would be better off breaking up with him and find some one who doesn't use pot and drank he's no good just like my husband he'll never change he can be abuser when he does get married and a drunk alcoholic probally wake up and really smell the coffee for if you think he'll change you really are in a dream world
2007-03-20 09:00:06 · answer #10 · answered by sweetgranny06 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why doesn't he answer you? Because he knows why. He's a pathetic weakling who would rather alter his mind than face reality.
Dump him and move on. Even if he cleans up his act. He has no spine and will go right back to the booze and the dope the second one little thing challenges him.
2007-03-16 09:20:07 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋