All this is to much
I'll just stop trying
All these wasted months
trying to fix everything
but its all wrong.
I'll just stop trying.
I'll let everything slip away
and fall through the cracks
I'll just stop trying.
Who cares about me or anything else in the world?
I'll just stop trying
2007-03-16 09:06:32 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Books & Authors
Yes i do think that it is good from 1-10 i would proble give it an 8 it is a good poem.
2007-03-16 09:11:54 · answer #1 · answered by Matthew B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Until the end, your meter and flow was pretty good. Say the last part aloud and see how the flow changes. Can you reword that last part slightly to flow a bit better?
Also ijn the first sentence the word is too - too much not to much.
On a more personal note, the subject is kind of disturbing. I pray that you arent suicidal. Im afraid that if your parents read that, they would sense something was wrong. I went through that with my son once. He made up this website with these really scary words on it. I thought he was suicidal and contacted his guidance counsellor. It turned out it was the lyrics to a song by Evenscene (sp?) Freaked me out completely.
You sound very young. Kids all seem to go through this phase of writing very self defacing, morbid poetry. I dont really believe nobody cares about you and I hope you dont believe that either. Im sure many people care. Please do Persi a favor and write a happy poem? I remember how bad life seemed when I was a teenager. I wrote poetry like that too. Trust me - you are loved. Please dont feel you arent. C.
2007-03-16 16:16:53 · answer #2 · answered by Persiphone_Hellecat 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I like the repetition of the line "I'll just stop trying". The structure could work. Otherwise, eh. References to 'this', 'everything', 'its', etc make the poem a bit vague and hard to follow. Basically, there's no clear dramatic situation.
2007-03-16 16:18:30 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
no, it could use a little more spice.eliminate( and) then eliminate one or two of the(i'lls)then it a kool poem.constructive critisizm rules..don't you agree/ let me try the second paragragh,,,,,,,these wasted months remind me of bluntz,but it's all wrong,this sticky thong,,just stop the frying
2007-03-16 16:14:55 · answer #4 · answered by deezel09 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow this is really good! It seems that you should try and get this published because it comes strait from the heart. Wow! i applaud you! Great job!
2007-03-16 16:13:09 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Kinda depressing, but flows well.
2007-03-16 17:22:11 · answer #6 · answered by Samantha 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yeah thats tottaly kewl
2007-03-16 16:12:33 · answer #7 · answered by jade c 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can see whats going on.....I love it.
You express your feelings very well.
2007-03-16 16:11:33 · answer #8 · answered by Artgasm 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah it's really good
2007-03-16 16:09:57 · answer #9 · answered by katiejean0013 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
very sad dear!very!
2007-03-16 16:17:13 · answer #10 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋