Ok...I have a friend who has been with her b/f for more than a year now. Since they have met, he has, talked to women online(not just chit-chat either), signed up on dating sites using fake names, once even made arrangements to meet with one woman, but never went through with it, and quite a few other things along the same lines.
He lives with her and the most he has ever given her towards bills in one month was $300, it's normally between $100-200, more often, $100. He has also a few times, asked her to loan him money to buy large items. She hasn't yet, done that!
I know she loves him but it hurts me because I think he is using her BIG TIME.
If you agree, do you have any suggestions on how I can convince her of that, before something really bad happens??! She is one of the sweetest people I have ever met in my whole life and I would like to see her with someone that knows how to treat a Lady!
2007-03-16 07:52:49 · 16 answers · asked by Sandy 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Yes I agree with you 100%. Your friend is on a dead end street with this one, He sounds like a complete loser and a user. She really needs to open her eyes and see this for what it is. My goodness she has so much to offer and gets tangled up with something like that. Tell her that things will only get worse if she continues to support this low life. Suggest to her that she be firm in making him pay half the expense and if he does not make the payment he can find a new place to live. That might help open her eyes and make her see that she is just a safety net for him not a true love.
2007-03-16 08:02:17 · answer #1 · answered by mellow 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can try and try but she is not gonna listen. Ive had many friends like that and the only way they would relize it and broke up was on their own. And still some of the girls actually stay with the men. If you push her or start saying bad things about him to her it could very well ruin your friendship. She prolly feels she is in control because he NEEDS her. Just give her some time. If she doesnt relize before something really bad happens (like cheating) then she will learn from her mistakes hopefully. What doesnt kill you makes you stronger. Good luck with your friend.
2007-03-16 07:58:59 · answer #2 · answered by krazykronix 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunatly therre isn't a darn thing you can do but stand by her and love her through whatever this guys dishes out. if she considers marrying him, then you need to have a big sit down and tell her your concerns...expressing that as long as it was a bf/gf issue, you stayed out of it, but lifetime is different.
I have a friend in much the same situation and i tried to tell her many times that he man was not good for her....it caused distance between us until i told her I would accept whatever she truly wanted for her life.
Don't make the same mistake I did......just be her friend and love her. She will need you at some point down the road when the lightbulb goes of in her head and she sees the turth for herself.
Good Luck and God Bless!
2007-03-16 08:00:43 · answer #3 · answered by brookebjpl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, have you spoken with her? You can start by telling her that you love her very much then go on to tell her what you've told us. Explain to her how concerned you are about her and how she is being treated.
If you are afraid to confront her, then email her. That way you can be careful how you put things and read it over before you send it to her. A good way of keeping your foot out of your mouth. It is a sensitive situation, but be ready to back down if you talk with her and she decides to remain in the situation.
Good luck.
2007-03-16 07:59:17 · answer #4 · answered by BluePassion 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell her to setup some spying software on her computer and then she can see what he's up to when she's not around.
I'm sure the truth will hurt but she will see for herself and you won't have to 'convince' her of anything. Oh yeah, if she refuses to do it then tell her if she is so positive he is doing nothing wrong then what does she have to lose by trying?
If your friend would rather not spy, she should ask straight up for the truth.
2007-03-16 07:58:16 · answer #5 · answered by sirdufus69 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can't if she doesn't want to know. Just be there for her when the time comes. You can be her friend, be honest, tell ehr you don't approve, but don't push the issue. That will only damage your friendship. Let her know how you feel and leave it at that. Tell her you will help her do whatever she needs to do if she is ready to give it up. If she is ready to see it, she will accept your offer now. If she is not, she won't do anythign but know that you are there for her.
2007-03-16 07:57:55 · answer #6 · answered by Betsy 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Tell her you are only being a friend, then point out the behavior patterns you see in him, and her. Neither of them may be fully aware of it. Be sure she knows you are only concerned for her, not being a busy-body. Be ready in case she is mad at you - people sometimes don't like having the negatives in their life pointed out to them. Good Luck.
2007-03-16 07:56:35 · answer #7 · answered by Steven D 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
your friend is very lucky that she has a friend give her all this care and wish her to have the best like you . but if you tell her with no evidence she won't believe you and you might loose her friendship , because it seams that her bf. has got her totally . so try to catch some evidence and then tell her.
2007-03-16 08:21:10 · answer #8 · answered by m 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately if she is aware of these things and it wasn't enough to get her to do something about it then there is not alot you can do, except be there ready to pick up the pieces when she has had enough
2007-03-16 07:59:42 · answer #9 · answered by Brian D 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can't. She is in an abusive relationship and it is up to her to get out of it. She won't listen to you anyway and it will damage your friendship. Just tell her that you are there for her if she needs you.
2007-03-16 07:56:48 · answer #10 · answered by notyou311 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋