All smart english people, may you please read this :)?

Question

I have to hand an application for one of my Universities and this is my only paragrpah that just does nto make sense, may someone please proof-read it and let me know if I should change anything, Thanks :)

Furthermore, I am the President of the Parent’s Night Committee and have been part of the club since grade nine. Every semester, we organize Parent Teacher Night to run smoothly and efficiently. This job may seem easy, but when 2000 students bring their parents with them, this job can be challenging. We have meetings a month before the event so we can acquire more then 50 volunteers; have fund-raisers, makes lists and tags, and lots more. Throughout my time with the club, I have learned many skills.

Answer 1

Furthermore, As the President of the Parent’s Night Committee I have been part of the club since the ninth grade. Every semester we organize Parent Teacher Night to run smoothly and efficiently. This job may seem easy, but when 2000 students bring their parents with them, this job can be challenging. We have meetings one month before the event so we can acquire more than 50 volunteers; have fund-raisers, makes lists and tags, and lots more. Throughout my time with the club, I have learned many skills.

Answer 2

Furthermore, I am the President of the Parent’s Night Committee and been a part of the club since grade nine. Every semester, we organize Parent Teacher Night, to show parents that our school, and its programs are ran smoothly and efficiently. This job may seem easy, but when 2000 students, parents and faculty attend, this job can be very challenging. We hold meetings a month before the event so we can acquire more then 50 volunteers, schedule fund-raisers, make lists and tags, and lots more to help sponsor the event. Throughout my time with the club, I have learned many skills that will benefit me in life .

Answer 3

Furthermore, I am the President of the Parent’s Night Committee and have been part of the club since grade nine. Every semester, we organize Parent Teacher Night that runs smoothly and efficiently. This job may seem easy, but when 2000 students bring their parents with them, this job can be challenging. We have meetings every month before the event so we can acquire more then 50 volunteers. We also have fund-raisers, makes lists and tags, and lots more. Throughout my time with the club, I have learned many skills.

Answer 4

It is very good, but here are a few suggestions if you want to expand it a bit more:

I am also the President of the Parent’s Night Committee and have been part of the club since the ninth grade. Every semester, we organize Parent Teacher Night to run smoothly and efficiently. When 2000 students bring their parents with them, this job can be quite challenging. We have meetings a month before the event so we can recruit more than 50 volunteers; have fund-raisers, make lists and tags, and handle many other planning activities. During my time with the club, I have learned many organizational skills.

Good luck with your applications.

Answer 5

Furthermore, I am the President of the Parent’s Night Committee and have been part of the club since the ninth grade. Every semester, we organize Parent Teacher Night to run smoothly and efficiently. This job may seem easy, but when 2000 students bring their parents with them, this job can be challenging. We have meetings one month before the event so we can recruit more then 50 volunteers, organize fund-raisers, make lists, tags and much more. Throughout my time with the club, I have learned many skills.

Answer 6

It looks good. There are a few changes that I would make but over all it's done very well. The changes I would make are in caps(like you couldnt tell)......

Furthermore, I am the President of the Parent’s Night Committee and have been AN ACTIVE MEMBER of the club since grade nine. Every semester, we organize Parent Teacher Night AND ARE RESPONSIBLE TO MAKE SURE IT RUNS smoothly and efficiently. This job may seem easy, but when 2000 students bring their parents with them, this job can be challenging. We have meetings a month before the event so we can acquire more then 50 volunteers; have fund-raisers, makes lists and tags, and lots more. Throughout my time with the club, I have learned many skills SUCH AS TIME MANAGEMENT, INTERPERSONAL SKILLS, AND LEADERSHIP QUALITIES.

Answer 7

Additionally, I have acted as President of the Parent’s Night Committee and have been involved with the club since the ninth grade. The Parent Teacher Nights are held each semester. Organizing this event, which involves the gathering of 2000 students and their parents, is challenging but rewarding. The recruitment of over 50 volunteers for each of these events and the organization and operation of fund-raisers and numerous other responsibilities that support these evenings, offers me the opportunity to gain skills, knowledge and abilities that will prove invaluable to my goals and future success.


Good luck ;)

Answer 8

You have done a good job with your writing. One typo I spotted is "more then 50 " should be "more than 50."
I do have a question for you. Is this topic worth this much space on your application remembering that this is an application for "university." I would consider shortening it a little. Such as:
Furthermore, as member and President of the Parent’s Night Committee I have learned many skills. Every semester, we hold meetings to produce an organized Parent Teacher Night. This job includes, but is not limited to, acquiring volunteers, fund raising, and organizational skills.
Good luck with your application!

Answer 9

Ok- There are a few things you need to correct. Some have been noted, but you have a couple more. The sentence that begins "This job. . ." also has "this job" later in the same sentence - that's redundant. Change the second one to "the task" or "this task." Change the semi-colon to a colon (the one after the word "volunteers"). And your last sentence is not a very good conclusion at all. If you have learned "many" skills, prove it. Tell what skills you have learned, how you learned them, and how you can put those skills to use in your future. Some examples could include communication skills, organizational skills, management skills, etc. Be specific - that's a biggie for an application.

Answer 10

Put the apostrophe after the "s" in "parents". As well, you weren't parallel with your use of semi-colons and commas. If you are having difficulties with making the sentence sound clear, make it into two. Example:

"We start meetings a month before the event to acquire more than 50 volunteers. Utilizing these volunteers, we have fund-raisers, make lists and tags, and much more."

or

"We start meetings a month before the event with more than 50 volunteers. Utilizing these volunteers, we have fund-raisers, make lists and tags, and much more."