Pregnant, and my partner won't touch me!?

Question

I feel so miserable! My partner and I enjoyed a healthy sex life for many years but since I've been pregnant we have slowed down dramatically. Now that I'm in the latter stages of my second trimester he has totally gone off me and I feel so bad. He feels bad too, but he can't explain it.

Moreover, I keep reading everywhere how the man is still interested but the woman can't stand the idea. But here's the thing... I want him, but he doesn't want me and I feel like it's tearing us apart. The rejection is amplified because I feel so fat and unattractive. I'm afraid that he won't ever find me attractive again. Why should he, as everyone is saying how great I look, but he can't see it. ANY comments would be appreciated, whether you have had experience of this, or whether you have been an expectant father and unwilling to touch your partner, even though you loved her.

Answer 1

i can totally relate, kind of. this is my 2nd pregnancy and both babies were with different men (i am divorced and remarried). my first husband couldn't keep his hands off me when i was preggers - the whole time he loved it and was fascinated. my new husband (who i love sooo much!) seems freaked out by the whole thing - the changing body, the weight gain, seeing me as a MOTHER (which i already am! i have a 6-year old!) and he is freaked out because my colostrum is already coming out. so you have my sympathy. my guess is men are just different. it makes me sad too and i feel your pain. it's especially hard because this reaction is so different from what i experienced with my first husband. just wait a few months after the baby is born, and if it's still a problem, go see a couples therapist (or if it's really bothering you, you could see one now).
good luck

Answer 2

I was in EXACTLY the same boat you're in with both of my pregnancies. Once I got to my second trimester and started to show, it was like pulling hen's teeth to get a hug or even a slight peck on the cheek from my husband. He wasn't being unkind about it--he just said it "freaked him out." I believe he felt bad about it, too, because he really couldn't explain why. He just was turned off. I, too, had a very high sex drive during most of my pregnancy (first trimester and the very last of my third trimester excluded), when all I read about was women who were the ones who were shoving their partners away saying, No honey, not tonight." Basically I'm sitting there begging him, throwing myself at him, trying to reason with him and let him know how good he had it--that I COULD have been one of the women who refused, but I wasn't. It didn't help. Eventually after the births of our sons, it did come back and certainly got better, but it's nowhere near how it was before when we were younger/dating/before kids. That's common though for many people. You work, you have a child (or in my case, children) to raise, a house to keep, etc.

All I can tell you is maybe offer to do something non-intercourse related (sorry to seem perverted/graphic, but maybe offer to "help him out" with your hands or your mouth. God I feel like such a sleeze bag saying that, lol.) ONE WORD OF ADVICE--not trying to throw any doubt into your mind, but you do need to keep an eye on him when it comes to using the computer. Face it--your husband is a man, he has testosterone, if he's not having sex with you, then what's he doing? My husband and I had such a horrible time with this during my pregnancies that I nearly left him after the birth of our second child. (His sex drive came back after the birth of our first, then left again when I became pregnant with the second one.)

Things are fine now, but it took some tearful conversations, arguments, and eventually, an ultimatum on my part to get where we are today. It's all stopped now, things are relatively back to normal, and for that I'm thankful.

Regardless of what happens, keep your chin up and realize that it'll take time, but your husband will come around again. And I'm sure you're not fat and unattractive. You're pregnant! In my opinion, pregnant women are the most beautiful women of all. You're carrying a new life inside of you! :)

Answer 3

There could be several factors -

Like some said - he could be afraid of hurting the baby. It could also be something he personally is not comfortable with. It could be something that just freaks him out. Maybe he sees you more in a mother role now and less of a sex partner. That transition can take a guy a while sometimes.

I suggest that you and he talk wbout it, with your OB/GYN and maybe the Dr can answer some questions he has.

Either way, I expect that things will change after the baby. Guys with partners dont go very long without sex ;)

Answer 4

This happened to me too. Our sex life kinda dwindled down to once a week then to once every week and a half. I started to feel really frustrated but couldn't get anywhere with him lol. The last 3 times that "it" happened, he stopped after I was done, which was really weird lol, after the second time, I asked him if he was scared but he denied it. I told him that it's okay and that the baby doesn't feel anything because he/she is protected in there. The third time it happened I asked him again and he finally admitted that he could feel baby between us and it scared him. I assured him again and things have been getting better. I wouldn't say they're back to normal but at least it's out in the open now.

Answer 5

I was in the exact same boat as you. I'm 32 weeks now. About a month or two ago, I noticed that our sex life had diminished. It hurt so bad because I feel so terrible and unattractive. I talked to him about it and he told me that he was scared. I asked if he was afraid of hurting her with his penis (being to far in) or with his weight. Well he said his penis. I thought it was funny!
But anyway, I took him to a Dr appointment with me and we talked to the Dr together. I think this helped a little bit. Even though he still felt weird and didnt want to. So I started to persue him and after a couple of times, he started to get comfortable. Now he wants it to much. :)
I know it hurts but I really think that maybe both of you talking to the dr would make him feel better. My bf also told me that he cant explain it and that I wont understand. But at least if he has a proffesional's word, it will reassure him. Good luck and dont worry, it will get better.

Answer 6

It could be because he doesnt want to hurt the baby ... but it could also be because he sees what it did when yall did do things and maybe he just doesnt want it to happen again ...
or maybe he isnt diggin the whole sexy wife gone pregnant look it probably isnt you it may just be a mental complex he has ... (i have it too ... pregnant women dont sit well with me ... sorry) ...
probably after you have the baby things will go back to normal ... just for best results dont allow him in the delivery room while giving birth ... after my parents divorced and i got older my dad told me that he was in the room when my youngest brother was born and it totally disgusted him out to see that and it ruined the drive for things like that ... so ... dont let him in there while thats happening for best results ...

hope you get this worked out and get your love life back to normal

xoxo
emily

Answer 7

As a father of two young girls, I remember the drastic change in my attitude from prior to pregnancy to the realization that my wife was incubating our children. As a man, you struggle with the change in your partner from a sexual being to more a nurturing one. The problem may be just that he doens't know if sex and those fun acts are good for you and the baby. It's all about communication. You need to drive it in to him that sex is still great, and that carrying a baby does not necessarily shop that desire in you. Guys think that a baby inside a woman is a pretty profound subject and you just need to comfort his fears and let him know that he won't hurt you if he get's a little frisky with you. Good luck. It's all about keeping those communciations lines open.

Answer 8

My husband and I dont have sex as much as we used to (i'm 23 weeks pregnant) and he said the other day, "I forgot what sex was like before you got pregnant" .. and I asked him, because of my belly? and he said no.
I guess its becuase I make him be gentle now (because of baby) and he said that when we do it doggy, "he sees a clump of mucus in there (my mucus plug) **sorry if thats too much information :(**
And he said he is always afraid he will hurt the baby.
but I know he's still attracted to me. He tells me I'm getting more beautiful everyday.
I think its just because we are both cautious with sex (being rough) because baby is living in there.
It'll get better when baby is born .. I'm sure! :):):)

**you're not alone!!!

good luck! God bless!

Answer 9

I don't have any experience with this at this point and time in my life. but i really don't know what to tell you either, let me shoot you some ideas and you run with them. Maybe you could try talking to him, maybe he is afraid he will hurt the baby, maybe he is afraid that thinking a pregnant women isn't suppost to be attractive. there are many things that could be going through his mind, your best bet is going to be trying to get him to open up! or you will never know what is truely going on. And your right it could ruin your relationship, but only if you or he lets it! I hope this helps good luck and God Bless

I will pray for you!

Brandie

Answer 10

I hear ya on this one! My hubby is the same way he says he's petrified of hurting the baby! All I can do is live with it. Let's just hope it all changes after we have the baby! Good luck to you and me!

33 weeks, 3 days with my first! It's a girl!