Lack of financial security with a partner, is this always going to be an issue?

Question

I don't want my relationship to come down to a money issue, but I'm in a serious relationship, and my partner is horrible with money. He'll save up long enough to get a car on the road, or buy something that he wants, but he never just saves up thinking that he may need a little extra cash in the future. I know people shouldn't have to constantly obsess over saving money, but I want to get into some more traveling within the next few years, and do some big things that do require savings. And then if kids ever came in the picture, I know we'd be seriously screwed.
I know you can't tell me exactly what to do without knowing us, but do people with these tendencies become financial burdens for their whole lives? What could I do to make a change? I love him, but I'm seriously concerned for my own future because of the bad spending habits.

Answer 1

baby girl, yes, you need to worry. in your heart money and love can't be mixed. but it will be issue. you got a good head on your shoulder to think about the future, you need to make sure he understands about financial jepody. if you need help, setup a meeting with a financial adviser. (i think it's free with most banks)

Answer 2

Financial issues are among the top three reasons why marriages fail. There are so many reasons to save money. I cant imagine why he wouldnt want to just put a little a way for the future. Maybe you can start him out small and build him up a little at a time. Try 25 a week into an account he can get at. Then move him to 150 -200 a month.

Answer 3

Lots of relationships end because of money issues. I would take a good look at your situation (like you are now), and really try to figure out if you want to be dealing with this later on in the future. Maybe you two can get some financial counseling?? I just thought of something, maybe he continues on his unhealthy spending because he knows (thinks) that you're always going to be around with the extra savings... have you ever thought of that?? Just something to think about.

Answer 4

How about first thing you try talking to him about his spending habits- nonconfrontationally. Ask him how he got started saving money the way he does. If you're both young, he probably thinks he has plenty of time to save for his future. Sit him down and work out a compromise. You don't want to take away his entire way of doing things because he'll eventually resent you for it. But try asking him to take half of whatever he was planning to save for his next toy and put it into a savings account for you both. Every week you both contribute and whatever is left he can use to save for his interests. And last but not least, YOU cannot change a person, only they can do that. You either love him how he is- or maybe you need to look at the relationship a little closer.

Answer 5

There are many money management and financial classes offered to people who have trouble with money. Also, it would probably help to have you in charge of the finances. Sit down and talk with him about the issue. Explain to him exactly how you feel and what your concerns are. You can allot a certain amount for him each payday to have fun while paying bills and putting some aside into savings. My wife is the same way so I take care of the finances. She comes to me when she wants to make a big purchase and together we sit down and figure out whether or not we can afford to do it. It has been working for us for three years now.

Answer 6

You said you are in a serious relationship.. A suggestion... go together and open a joint savings, even if you don't have a joint checking, most of the time, a bank officer opening your savings will talk about goals wanting to be reached and the best way to get there!
If you have already taken that step and you have tried talking to him and telling him how important this is to you and you are still having problems, then....it seems that his wants are not the same as yours, and if he says they are, he is obviously not as committed to these goals as you are. Unfortunately, you may have to accept or... you are both on two separate paths, that just seemed to cross and he is content and you are not...you might want to consider, making those goals just for you (and possibly someone new) best wishes to you and your boyfriend.

Answer 7

You are very smart to be concerned about a future with him if he can't do a bit of compromising with you on this issue. It is definitely something to think about if you are thinking of a future with him. Why not plan a trip for the future and start a savings account together for that trip. I think if you gave him a goal to work towards that would be something to look forward to, he would go for it. Try it and see. If he is willing to try, then you know that he isn't hopeless financially. Good luck.

Answer 8

The problem seems to be prioritisng what you both want, getting a car on the road is important. The both of you should make a list of priority things you want and maybe a budget. The other thing I found that help with money is a second job.

Answer 9

My ex husband was horrible with money. He always spent more than he should. He wanted people to think that he had money. We were comfortable and had a house on the lake, boats, etc.. But lived paycheck to paycheck. I did divorce him after about 5 years, as I couldn't take it and it made me resent him and eventually lose love for him. I still love him, in a different way, and we are still friends. I just couldn't take it anymore and resentment is a horrible thing to try to get over. Good luck! protect yourself!

Answer 10

You should tell him exactly what you just said. Then put a trip or cruise on layaway and tell him he has to pay his bill and you way yours. When its time to go on the trip if has not paid. Then go have fun by yourself. And consider the fact that thats how its always going to be. When he needs money for something tell him you don't have it and keep saving on your own. You might need it when you seperate.