He just recently divorced his wife and we got together. Everything was great we never fought he told me how much he loved me and couldn't wait to spend the rest of his life with me. Everyone told us how happy we were and when someone would comment on us he would come home and tell me how great it felt. He would say that he couldn't remember his life before me and couldn't picture his life with out me. The day before he broke it off he told me how much he loved me and we slow danced together. He would say how much we fit and he couldn't believe anyone would let me go. I asked him after if it was because of another girl and he said it had nothing to do with that. That he still loves me and is in love with me but he doesn' t want to be in a relationship and we were happy and I had done nothing wrong. He made the comment that he can't define himself without me....should I think that he just needs time and he really does love me??
2007-03-16 06:07:13 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sugar, do yourself a favor and buy the womens bible...Its called "He just Not that Into You" by Greg Behrendt. That "its not you, its me" crap is the oldest story in the world right after, "Don't worry, I can't get you pregnant".
Do exactly as he said....give him distance, don't call him, don't stop by to see how he's doing, read that book and become a much stronger woman, you won't be sorry.
2007-03-16 06:13:07 · answer #1 · answered by LoneStarLou 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Ouch!!!... well he should of said something to you while during the course of his divorce. It almost sounds like he is trying to let you down easy without hurting your feelings.. It removes his guilt.
Yet he was telling you how much he was looking foward to the future with you... very conflicting,... Its possible he needs sometime to himself.. After all divorce does affect people differently.. Really it does .. Doesnt matter if you even hate the ex or not.. its that final signed paper to end all of it. And could effect the next time a person thinks about getting married.
For now I would take it at face value he just needs some space... but also its possible he is just letting you down easy for what ever reasons. You wont get those answers right now.
Dont call him either.. keep your distance cause if you dont you will truly hurt yourself more in the long run. Also if he starts calling you after a few days after saying this...... and just wants to talk.. I would advice letting the answering machine pick up his calls for awhile. Him calling isnt giving either of you space.. it would feel like he is checking on you to see if you alone and at home. Plus people who need space dont phone you just to talk.....it becomes a game... Dont let his fancy words misslead you.
Just keep your distance... keep a level head about it.. I know it hurts.. and is going to bug the **** out of you for a long while. For now.. try and keep youself busy.. bedtime always sucks thou... Dont let this drag out too long either.. its not fair for you to wait and see if he choses not to return.
2007-03-16 13:39:28 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweety dont take this wrong but reading what you wrote all I kept thinking was "what a load of crap" if you two got together right after his divorce you were and are a rebound thing. Yes he wants his space give it to him and he gives you those lines so he knows that you'll be right there waiting for him if he cant find someone else. Just my opinion though. Not to many man or women I know can go from married to involved wanting to be remarried right after a divorce {unless they have codependent personality but that's a whole other ball game} there is a healing process and most date women/men as rebounds..I wish you luck though you'll need it
By the way stop giving everyone thumbs down that isnt willing to blow smoke up your butt like your bf is doing you wanted opinions you got them now wake up and face the truth
2007-03-16 13:12:09 · answer #3 · answered by texas_angel_wattitude 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If the man recently divorced his wife and started to date you then yea I would say give the man some space. That doesnt mean he loves you any less It just means he wants to find out what It is that makes him happy besides just you. I wouldnt want my whole life to center around one person and my only thought to be just about the happiness I have with them..I would want my own friends and my own hobbies and things to do..I mean wouldnt you? He obviously cares for you so just give him some time. If you start to have your doubts after a month or so such as he is seeing someone else or along those lines then It would be time to have a chat with him. But not now. Good luck
2007-03-16 13:12:17 · answer #4 · answered by Jessica B 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
A divorce is a very painful and disillusioning experience. It sounds like a case of the "too-soons" to me, he really does love you but is still affected by the former relationship having fallen apart. So yes, he does need some space to think things over... don't get all crazy and clingy or weird like that with him it will turn him off. Remain available to talk, go out, be friends and that sort of thing.
2007-03-16 13:11:58 · answer #5 · answered by SodaLicious 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
if he loved u like he said nothing could keep him away from u, he left the relationship making u feel good about yourself, when a man says he needs time, he has someone else, its a thing they say when they can find no fault, and no reason except they want to be with someone else. he also is keeping his options open in case it doesn't work out with who he's with now. he doesn't want to burn any bridges with u. his words and his actions just don't match up. and actions speak much louder than words.
2007-03-16 13:14:18 · answer #6 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie, he's lying to you and it's got EVERYTHING to do with another woman. If he really loved you and wanted to be with you, then he would be with you. Needing his "space" is men jargon for I'm too much of a wuss to tell you that I don't want to be with you and I've found somebody else I'm more interested in having sex with than you. Yes, it's painful, but it's better it happen now than for you to marry this idiot and him cheating on you later. Count your blessings that it's happening now and before you've vested even more of your heart and life into this loser. Move on with your life and away from this jerk. Btw, Joan is absolutely right when she says this guy is keeping his options open with you just in case things don't work out with this other woman. Kick his sorry butt to the curb and keep on going with your life. You deserve so much better than this moron!
2007-03-16 13:15:00 · answer #7 · answered by saylavie2u2 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I have to agree, it was a rebound relationship. That worked out very nicely for him. He had a distraction after his divorce, someone to take care of him, sleep with him, etc. Now he's feeling like he wants to see what's out there. Now he can picture his life without you. Sorry. Next time, date someone who is truly available.
2007-03-16 13:15:55 · answer #8 · answered by Tiss 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Good luck...
sounds like a soap opera to me.
I think divorce is a disaster, and for anybody to get involved in another relationship so soon after divorce, that is a foolish thing to do... Oh well, foolish is in style these days.
maybe when he says he loves you he is thinking with his hormones... and his hormone levels just took a plunge and now he has to actually think with his head.
2007-03-16 13:17:42 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Honey, he used you to get over his wife. As much as it hurts, this guy wants to knock boots when he wants but doesnt want to be tied down. You deserve better. This guy is sending mixed messages in the extreme and you'd be better off going your own way.
2007-03-16 13:16:57 · answer #10 · answered by nanacakes06 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋