I dont know what to do about my sexless marriage?????

Question

My wife and i are quite young and recently married..we dated for couple years prior to marriage.
WE have no kids both work and we havent had sex in about 2 months.......
I have expressed my concerns to her about this and we have both agreed to do our parts to help it.
I have made nights more romantic with candles, making her dinnner.....etc.She has put forth little if any effort.
Her response to those romantic occasions i try to arrange is....
"You just did all this so you could get sex isnt it?"
I am at the end of my ropes and i am resenting her more and more as we are slowly drifting apart.
Any suggestions or similar stories???????

Lilpiggy your advice is not wanted i do not need a 14 year giving advice on sex and marriage.

Answer 1

I am having the same problem but it's with my husband. I want to have sex all the time, and he rarely does. He would rather watch tv then have sex. I am like... what's the deal buddy? Here I am naked and willing.

Answer 2

Hello... But you ARE doing all this to get sex - you just said it yourself.

Perhaps if you do more without an expectation of sex, you will get more sex out of the deal.

But truthfully, I really don't know how to remedy a situation when the two people have drastically different sex drives. I'm sure you resent her for not "giving" you sex - but from a point of view of a person with the lower drive, she probably resents you for "always" thinking about sex. So, it becomes a downward spiral. It is really difficult to make it work. Unfortunately, the person with the lower drive controls the situation (you can't exactly "make" them have sex with you, but they can "make" you not have sex with them), so it becomes doubly frustrating. I'm not sure what your sex life was before marriage - whether it changed suddenly, or has always been this way - so I don't know if this might be just the way your wife is (some people have naturally lower drive than others), or if there's some emotional or control issue going on. Perhaps seeing a counselor would help with the underlying issues - I don't know. Good luck.

Answer 3

Well, my first suggestion would be - and this comes from someone in a similar position but WITH kids ...

run like your a.s.s. is on fire.

Its much more likely to get worse then better.

However, if you want to give it a shot, stop listening to these 'do this do that and then she'll want it people'. Your wife will see right through it. Stop treating sex as something she gives you when you perform (which is what they are suggesting). Of course you did all that romantic stuff to get sex! But having direct trades will never work.

Honestly, I'd separate the two more. Give your wife a romantic dinner, then curl up with her with a movie, then go to sleep. Period.

On a different occasion, go for sex.

You know, it might be possible to turn it around, but honestly ... young? no kids? both work? She doesn't care. She's getting what she wants, and she doesn't care about you. Dump her, now.

Answer 4

Your not the only one going through this. I've been without sex for ten years in a marriage. Could you do that? Give it some time. If she's not sick and healthy she might be cheating on you. I would look into that if you think that's the case. If your not in your 60's go out and find somebody that has the same problem. I bet you will find someone out there in the same situation as you are and become good friends with.

Answer 5

Well clearly you too are not meant to be together, since you’re still young you should think about ending it now and save yourself the drama and resentment. In marriage you have to be mirror or damn near come close to it on the majority of issues in life and if your having problems in the sex arena already then you too should have dated longer, so her true colors would have come-out sooner rather then later. Sex ends a lot of relationship trust, so women put on a front until that ring is on then they turn in to their real selves, sounds like you have become a victim of window-dressing.

Answer 6

If she's anything like me she might feel resentful, like you just want something from her that she doesn't want to feel obligated to give. She wants to please you as a gift. Maybe she feels like it's more of a demand than a request (especially because she can tell you're getting desperate and frustrated), even though you are trying to make her feel special. She could feel manipulated; like you did all that sweet stuff just to finally "get what you want." I know you haven't had sex in two months, but she could still feel suspicious and it possible that she has issues feeling controlled. Was she controlled as a child or does she sometimes resent being expected to do things she doesn't want to do freely? I tend to feel resentful when I feel like someone is "buttering me up" to get something from me.

I have a solution. Why don't you suggest physically pleasuring her with no strings attached? Reassure her that you get pleasure from pleasing her and that you don't expect anything in return right now (I know it will be hard to do this at first, but give it a chance....it worked for me!). Just caress her (take it slow) one night while you are talking. Offer to touch her down there and be gentle and attentive. When you're done, kiss her goodnight, smile and be kind with her and don't dare show any sign that you expect anything from her. She will probably wonder what happened but make sure you let her know she should just relax and enjoy the pleasure you're giving her and you don't have motives other than to make her feel loved unconditionally.

Eventually, she should realize that you truly care for her without motives and she will probably start to reciprocate. I know it happened for me. Once I realized he wanted to please me and got pleasure just from that, I wanted to please him too. If that doesn't work, I suggest couples counseling because it sounds like she has some trust issues which she needs to work out if you are to fully enjoy your lives together (I've also had couples counseling...worked wonderfully). Good luck!

Answer 7

I have a close friend going through this exact same thing, from what she's told me, her constant begging to her husband for sex really put pressure on him to perform, because of that...he couldn't. My advice to you...just lay off of it for awhile, let her come to you and make sure you accept her advances. I understand you want to be with your wife, but just remember...there are many ways to be intimate that are not sexual. Try doing things like...the dishes, cooking, laundry, making the bed. For some women , that's a real turn on. Find non sexual ways to show her your love. See how that works. Oh, remember your vows...for better or for worse. Honor them.

Answer 8

If sex is this important to you, go get some help, see a therapist or something, don't just go on resenting your wife.

Answer 9

You said you are both young. Your sex drive is very high right now, and hers is very low. The candles and romance are good, but do you actually PERFORM for her? This means, do you give her lots of foreplay? Do you touch her, kiss her, caress her? Do you make sure she orgasms before you do? Do you make sure she climaxes EVERY time, or do you just get yours and go to sleep? If you are selfish in bed, who'd want to have sex with YOU!

Answer 10

I don't know what to tell you. I sympathize with you, I know you feel unloved and rejected. I hate it when people say sex isn't everything cause we all know it's an important part of marriage.
Just tell her how you feel. talk talk talk