My husband and I pretty much live in each others pockets. I've not go a lot of friend's in this country and he's really good about not leaving me alone i.e. ditching me for the boys.
However, when I do suggest more time apart he gets offended and thinks the worst.
The thing is i've always been very independent, but now we travel to work together, come home together have dinner etc. We live with his parents (i hate this, but will be resolved soon) so it's not like we do anything other than just go for out dinner/movies/drinks etc out or sit around watching tv.
Sounds great to have nothing to do, but I feel I don't have any "me" time. I love him dearly, but without a car or anything I can't even leave the house by myself really.
Is it okay to want this "me" time alone, and how can I explain it without him getting offended - he does so very easily. I don't want him to then go fine - well I'll go out here and here with my mates and then I'll be left home alone :(
2007-03-16
05:34:02
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17 answers
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asked by
Anonymous
in
Family & Relationships
➔ Marriage & Divorce
answers have be great so far!
Thanks so much, I am starting to feel better about it already!!
2007-03-16
06:15:11 ·
update #1
It is healthy for couples to have some time away from each other now and then. Everybody needs space and personal time to just be by themselves and rejuvinate. It sounds like he doesn't have a lot of confidence in the relationship.
2007-03-16 05:44:16
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answer #1
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answered by Annie 6
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You do seem to spend an awful lot of time together and everyone needs a bit of time and space on their own. I think it will be much healthier for you both when you get your own place so the sooner you can do this the better.Maybe you could ask him to arrange to go out with his mates once or twice a week and then you could have your own time and plan what you are going to do in that time. You could then possibly have a special evening together and tell each other about what you both did and have more to talk about. It should do you both good to have time apart and then make it more special when you are together. Tell him you appreciate him more when you both have time apart. Good luck and try and get your own place soon.
2007-03-16 07:55:31
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answer #2
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answered by foxy4t 2
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Depending on your money situation I suggest a women only trip/vacation. i have gone on 2 different trips with all women that I didn't know at all. One was a road bike trip for 10 days with 14 other women. Everything was organized and run by the women. Best trip ever www.womantours.com . The other trip was a 5 day hiking trip on the appilancian trail with 9 other women, again awesome experience. At the time I was dating a VERY insecure man that was freak if I went to lunch with guys I work with, but he was fine with me vacationing with ONLY women.
Second suggestion is for the two of you to join some type of club. That was he is totally comfortable with the people. Then you will be able to do things with those people even without him. I met my husband white water kayaking. He has NO problem with me camp and kayaking with others when he is busy.
i also suggest that you take up dancing. My husband and I swing dance. The standard "proto call" is to dance with a person for one song and then switch partners. By the end of the night we have each danced with a few dozen other people and each other. It is a great way to meet people and work on his trust issues...also a great way to have FUN
2007-03-16 06:10:42
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answer #3
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answered by Amy B 2
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I have to say that "ME" time is really something everyone needs.
I've gone through the same thing as you are, with the exception that due to not being able to have "ME" time for the last 12 years, I've lost "MYSELF", and don't know who "I" am. Due to this, I kind of resented my marriage, thus ending up in a separation and on to divorce.
You will have eternity with this man, and during those "ME" times, you will want to come back to the "US" time.
Explain to him that you love him dearly, but you need to have time to be crazy and be yourself. And sometimes this means "being alone". Explain that you both will have the rest of your lives together and you are looking forward to it as you love him, but sometimes a breather here and there would be nice ... time to get a massage, a tan, your hair done ... or even just a quiet lunch by yourself or with the girls. If it's girls that you will be out and about with, just tell him that you need to have the company of another girl to talk about makeup, girl moods, and whatever girls do.
Good Luck!
2007-03-16 11:06:11
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answer #4
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answered by baby star 1
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dont worry babe, you are so so right to want "you" time, you dont say how long you have been together, all i will say is trust comes with time, i know that sounds cliched but it isw true, just tell him how you are feeling, it worries me that you want your time but are worried about him having his, you cant have it both ways, (sorry but am assuming you want honest answers?)you need to find a compromise, maybe go away for a weekend or even a night to a hotel, obviously you feel suffocated with the present arrangements, but as you say this is soon to be resolved, things will get better then, you need to both have time away from each other, find a good network of friends if you dont already have that and go out maybe once a month seperately, that way you look forward to the "you " time you will "both" experience, and indeed need but also have something else to talk about occasionally, good luck
2007-03-16 07:11:22
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answer #5
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answered by Anonymous
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I assume you are both young in ages. Your husband may have a slight problem with trust. Reassure him that he has nothing to worry about. Explain to him that spending every minute of every day isn't healthy for a relationship. Tell him that you are not talking about going out every night. Suggest to him of maybe you going to a womens gym one night a week or join a womens group at a church. Anything that gives you a little time away once in awhile.
2007-03-16 05:46:22
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answer #6
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answered by Anonymous
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Tell him everything you just posted and you love him, but you need some girly time. You want to go get a pedicure/manicure, go to the mall. Just a day by yourself. Then tell him you think it would be good for him to spend some time by himself also. Absence makes the heart grow fonder............You deserve a break from all that.
2007-03-16 06:16:25
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answer #7
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answered by luvnau 2
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no. coming from someonewho was once like this, husband, 3 kids. no time for myself, everywhere i went they went or my husband had to take me. just explain in further detail that this time will only be to keep your sanity and to get much need pampering to destres from all that's going on and reassure him it is no one else or nothing he has done to warrant this, u just want to relax and be alone to focus more on yal''s relationship. There is a song by Heather Headly called me time get it or go to internet and find it and let him listen to it it will say everything u can't
2007-03-16 05:43:19
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answer #8
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answered by yolanda c 2
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Tell him you would like to learn some american customs and join a club of some sort. Crafting bowling scrapbooking or even the local theater. If he scoffs invite him along so he will see there is no hanky panky. and tell him you NEED female friends.
2007-03-16 05:39:41
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answer #9
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answered by Anonymous
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couples need time apart to be themselves and there is nothing wrong with it. He may be very insecure and needs more reassurance that you are just going out with friends. Becareful that he is not too controlling, as this is a sign of it.
2007-03-16 05:39:25
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answer #10
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answered by mayihelpyou 5
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