Please HELP! College students who needs advice on moving out.?

Question

I will be moving soon, but I know I'm unable to survive on my own. All my friends are either lucky nough to stay on campus or are content on staying with their parents.

I'm at an age where I want to grow and develop as a person without family influence. Finishing school is my top priority along with developing my own opinions, experience certain things privately and I want to just understand who I am a little more ... and I can't do all these things living with my parents. I love my parents, but I just feel restrained living with them and I'm ready to branch out. Plus, I want to make my own decisions concerning my career path.

My Questions are:

1. I;m aware that I need a roomate, but what are the pros and cons of getting a roommate?

2. Where can I find a roommate that I can depend on? Are their any websites I could go to? Should I trust those who are online :(

3. What are the important things I should do before moving?

4. Am I wrong for feeling this way?

Both of my parents smoke too, and I don't want to intake the smoke anymore .... plus, I don't want to watch them slowly destroy each other.

Oh yeah, and I've tried to stop them from smoking but nothing works.

Answer 1

First of all, you need an attitude adjustment. Saying that "you cant do this on your own" is defeating yourself before you even begin. Go to a school where there is a girls or coed dorm. Find out how much it costs to live on campus rather than worrying about an apartment with rent utilities, food bills, etc. This is how I got out of my parents house. I checked out the cost of the dorm and meals were also part of the cost. I then worked two jobs. I worked in an office during the week and waitressed on weekends. In a dorm you dont get much choice of who your roomate will be but it gives you the opportunity to meet a lot of people and can help you decide who you might be able to live with. It is alot cheaper to live in a dorm than in an apartment. You can usually get a job on campus through the student union or whoever handles jobs on campus. I worked right in my dorm so I was able to work six hours a day and still go to classes. I worked breakfast, lunch and dinner in my dorm kitchen. The hours were broken up and I never felt like I worked a 6 hour day.
As for your parents..they have to know that you have reached the age where you might want to leave. Just tell your folks what you want. If you present a good plan showing how you will support yourself, they might even kick in and offer to give you some financial support. Do not criticize their smoking or bring up issues that will hurt them. Stick to your issue of being self supporting. Their problems are their own to work out. Good luck I left home at 17 and made it through school all on my own. Also check with the school of your choice... there are often scholarships that are hidden or secret that you can apply for. I got my room and board paid for a semester by a scholarship that was offered to students who had little income. The scholarship was only available to people who lived in this particular dorm. Dorm living was one of the most fun times in my life. Made a lot of friends and enjoyed being with groups of people my own age who were living away from home.

Answer 2

Yes, at your age it's very important to start gaining independence, learning to think for yourself, define your own boundaries, become self-reliant. It doesn't make you a bad person in any way, or mean that you don't love your parents. it's just a natural part of growing up.

Living in the dorms is a valuable part of the campus experience, and I'd really recommend it if it is at all possible for you. But if not, an apartment near campus is good too.

1) You don't necessarily need a roommate, you might be able to find an affordable studio or one-bedroom apartment that you can afford on your own. A good roommate can be helpful for increased safety, preventing loneliness, sharing household chores; but a poor roommate can increase stress, create mess, and make you feel like you don't want to be in your own home.

2) Be very wary when selecting roommates. Many people are not as nice and laidback as they seem online, and it is inevitable that even the best roommate will have some habits that drive you up a wall. Ideally, a roommate should be someone you can peacefully co-exist with and not impact each other's private lives; not your best friend or a co-dependent annoyance.

3) Know thyself. Figure out what you really need, and what you're willing to compromise on. Your identity will change drastically during your college years, so be prepared to experiment a little, trying things that you never thought you would, but don't condemn yourself for any mistakes you make - it's a natural part of exploring the new you, and it will make you stronger in the long run.

4) Absolutely not. As I said in the beginning, it's a very natual part of growing up. Your post does hint to some co-dependence issues and some serious uncertainty about your own abilities - you declare that you are "unable to survive on your own," but how do you know until you've tried it? You'd be surprised what you can survive, and how you can turn weakness into strength. You need to committ yourself to the accomplisment of the goal, not fear every hazard and stumble on the path. Give yourself the support you need - through friends, therapy, whatever - and challenge yourself to conquer every fear that comes your way. That's what college is all about.

Answer 3

Try find a friend who would be willing to room with you or someone on campus. A lot of times ppl put ads in the newspaper or put up flyers around campus when looking for a roomate. Pro's are of course the financial aspect of being able to split bills and so on and so forth. There are a lot and I mean a lot of cons. Can you put up with someone elses habits??? Are they messy or neat freaks? Do they like it super quiet or do they expect you to tolerate late night parties? Do they help keep up the apt or do they expect you to? Different views and living habits, how do you deal with that? I always found living with someone even a friend hard, but then again it's a life expirence. What if your in a lease with someone and they decide to break it? They move out unexpectedley? Can you carry the biolls yourself??? I don't think your wrong for feeling this way at all. I'm 22 I have a 6 month old child, I'm getting divorced, and I plan on going back to school in the fall, and I live at home. I hate living at home but right now it is the smartest thing to do . I have a car payment and ins and I'm only working part time b/c of the baby. It makes sense to live at home until I'm in a better position to move. Just make sure your in a good position before you try to go out on your own.

Answer 4

Before I answer the questions there here is bit of advise.....sit down and think this out, make sure you can afford this move, that you are doing it for the right reasons and that you will be happy with being on your own. Now for your questions....
1. pros...help with bills, someone to talk to,
cons...having privacy could be an issue, you could end up with the wrong roommate and stuck with her/him not paying any bills
2. you are going to college, advertise at college, you may find someone you know that don't want dorm life, does your college have a web site? be choosy who you room with, make a contract up.
3. make sure you can afford it, plan it out, write everything down
4. you are not wrong to feel this way. Every person needs room to grow and expand. You have that right to make your own decisions in your life, just make sure they are for the right reason. I left home at 16 and there are somethings I wish I could take back but all and all I am very happy. You live and learn by your mistakes and if you don't make mistakes you wouldn't learn. I hope everything works out for you...good luck

Answer 5

First, take it easy on your parents. They may not have it as together as you. My mother died at 40 from smoking and I know that your parents can't help it. Cigarettes are made to be extra addictive which is allowed by our government, blame them.
1) get any roommate on the option of replacing when you find a good friend to do so

2)at your college, there is a list of persons looking to share. Contact your ombudsman or other

3)before you move, understand the true cost. Your parents do and spend a lot more then you first think

4)as my wife explains: there are no wrong feelings
(to which I reply: "WRONG!!!")

Answer 6

My younger bro felt the way that you do. He could not afford to rent on his own, so he "boarded" with someone. It was a formal arrangement, and he did it at a place that boarded a couple of college students. They had their own key, use of some cupboard space, total access to the kitchen, bathroom, etc.
It had the benefits of being at home, with a friendly atmosphere, but the rules were all laid out in writing, he had his privacy, and didn't feel the obligations that you would feel at home, and he chose this method of "rooming" until he had a job that supported an apartment.
It was a MUCH quieter atmosphere, and more conducive to studying. He also enjoyed homecooking on a regular basis.
On the other hand, there was a written-in-stone rule of no girls in the bedrooms, you needed to stick to a shower schedule etc.
Just an idea!

Answer 7

About the roomate thing... make sure it is some one you absolutely TRUST with everything...because some people like to steal.... and that you dont fight with alot. Its fun because there is always someone there. But sometimes thats a bad thing when you want peace and quiet.

Dont trust online people... just dont.

Save money and make sure all ur bills are caught up.... its so hard to live on your own when you havent saved up anything... like i did.

No, im just like you...very independant... it takes awhile to get everything you need have your bills paid... but you can do it@!!!

GOOD LUCK**

Answer 8

well one year ago i was in the same position as you! its not that difficult to live on ur own and trust me i am a boy who didnt know how to cook or do any housework and say that!! i was actually very happy about it, u should be too! its great living on your own appertment u will love it dont worry about it! the things i like more is going to supermarket and buying all the stuff i like and returning to home whatever hour i want without have to do silence! dont get a roomate have ur freedom trust me its great!! good luck

Answer 9

1. its got to be someone you know and trust or you can get messed up or just pissed off
2 no find people you know that you go to school with internet is bad idea
3 money, job, friends and the almighty budget
4 no i feel the same way and doing the same thing

Answer 10

pros half is paid for cons your stuff will be jacked and you'll become enemies ect.

roomates to depend on? get a background check

make sur eyour money is saved up for 3 months of rent in case

nothing is wrong its normal, just prepare yourself you'll be fine