i want you opinion.............?

Question

this is my hubby s frst marriage.my second. he is 51 ...he told me when i touch him in public he has the creeps. when we are together in public.he never touches me...even to hold my hand...if someone took the time to notice us......they would think that we are total strangers. we can be in the car traveling for hours and we dont talk...in bed...he turns over and goes to sleep.in the morning before work.......tv is on while he eats breakfast.....when he comes home....he watches tv till bedtime. i have told him this hurts me, but he doesnt change his behavior that is driving me mad.what should i do?

Answer 1

start looking for number three.

Answer 2

If he's 51 and never been married, he's quite set in his ways. This isn't an excuse, mind you; but it's a fact.

Some people, and it's usually personality driven, just aren't public-display oriented. So you don't get your hand held... big deal, get over it. The bigger of your problems is that you two don't talk. You can't have a relationship without communication.

I'm going to suggest a couple of things here:

1> while he's sitting there watching TV, go sit next to him and don't say anything. I know you're going to be thinking about all the things that need to get done while you're just sitting there. I also know it's going to be difficult for you not to say anything. But do it. Women have face to face relationships; guys have shoulder to should relationships. So sit there for an hour or so, don't say anything unsolicited, and be patient.

2> Think of some things that you respect about him. Note the word respect. Get a couple of things in your mind. Out of the blue some night, come into the room and tell him something like, "I really respect you when you " Then leave. See what happens.

3> Be patient. I know it probably goes against your personality and genetic make up; but keep trying these. Don't get habitual, just do it at random. Sit with him, tell him you respect him, be honest.

Good Luck.

Answer 3

Tell him that you not getting the love that you need and you are moving on. Tell him you are going shopping for someone who prefers you to TV. Tell him that you want a touching and feeling relationship and that he simply is not filling the bill. If he has no response to these messages, he is probably as dissatisfied as you and you should think about separation. You cannot bring someone out of this behavior withut strong action. Since you are already telling him that this hurts you, he could be holding a grudge against you or someone else and is deriving some satisfaction out of this information. At any rate, it is time for assertiveness. Tell him for you that this is over and start going out. Since this is the second time around for you, I know that this decision is probably the last one you want to make. No one likes to admit that a second marriage is going wrong just like the first. Also take a good look at him and see if he shares any of the traits or behaviors of your first husband. We often pick the same kind of people that hurt us before in the same way. Time to break the pattern if the pattern is there.

Answer 4

Your man was so lonely that he did not develop the manners of being in a couple or relationship.

You are the only person who can change his life style. Turn off the TV and do something that will make him pay attention.

Talk to him about it, tell him you love to hold hands when you both out and talk with him in the car in things that enjoy him and you too.

I hope it works, however, your husband is 51 years old. It's very hard to change his mind about anything.

Answer 5

I don't care what anyone says, this is not a "man" behavior. It is the behavior of someone who has some major issues that need to be dealt with. Tell him you are willing to give him certain areas of space if he's willing to give you a little more attention physically and conversationally. Compromise. If talking to him isn't working, suggest going to therapy....it's not all about what he wants from the relationship, you need to feel secure in it as well.

Answer 6

Question, did you two date each other for awhile before getting married?

When you were dating was your husband acting like this?

But it actually sounds like you have two problems and not just one:

#1: Husband is unable to express affection in public;

#2: Husband doesn't want to have sex.

Sounds like you need to go to a pschiatrist, marriage counselor, or maybe even a sex therapist.

Also you seem to have already talked to him about this and if that hasn't helped then you need to seek professional help.

Unfortunately you said that he hadn't changed his habits after talking to him, but you can't change him, he must be the one to change himself.

Good luck!

Answer 7

If you've already expressed how upset this makes you, then suggest counseling. If he's not into that (which I'd have to say, most men aren't), tell him he needs to change, otherwise YOU will be the one making changes. That should get his attention for a minute! Good luck!

Answer 8

I think I would sat him down and have a heart to heart chat. A marriage is not suppose to be like that. A marriage is about love, itimatcy, and honesty. Good Luck.. I wish you the best.

Answer 9

Sounds like there was a very good reason he had never been
married at age 51...
Sounds like you should not have married him...

Answer 10

Truthfully your husband sounds like he doesn't want to be married for whatever reason if he's gay or just set in his ways.

I'm sure you knew all this before you married him. You need to ask yourself what's wrong with you that you married someone like that...?

Answer 11

dump him

find somebody kind and responsive at least

sounds like he was abused in one serious way or another

maybe his mom ignored him when he was litle or something