Should I have asked my husband first?

Question

We're having a terrible snow storm in New Jersey today. When I picked up my pre-school aged son from school his teacher told me that she had to stay at the school until 6p tonight for late dismissal. I have a nice relationship with her and happen to know that she lives about 45 mins. away and drives a car that isn't great in the snow. I told her she should call us if she needed a place to stay tonight or at least have dinner to wait the storm out a bit. When I came home and told my husband, he was very annoyed that I didn't check with him first. He thought that was very inconsiderate of me. Should I have consulted him before extending that invitation to my son's teacher?

Answer 1

Well, you extended a generous offer to a person in need. He should see that it was a very nice thing to do. You had no idea whether she would take you up on it or not.

I probably would have called my husband after I made the invitation just to let him know in case that did come about. But I don't think my husband would have shown the same courtesty.. He probably would not have thought to call me. Would your husband have done the same in that situation? called you? I guess that's part of what would answer the question for me too.

Answer 2

I don’t think so, but sometimes it could be bad to invite someone without consulting.

You know, sometimes you feel like getting home, and just relax and don’t have to think about anything else after a long day of work. And right when you are about to be happy because you are about to get home, your wife/husband calls and says “honey, I invited for dinner my friend … blah blah….

So tell me, would you be ok, or you would get mad?

Sometimes my Wife does that to me, and if I was really planning to be home and do nothing, it irritates me. She already knows it, so she usually calls me before doing that, same as I call her before doing it too (I always call her for those things). If we ever bring someone without asking is because it was an emergency, or is a very close friend or is a family member.

Even if we don’t like the idea that one day, we don’t say anything because we know that we also have to give in sometimes.

I would apologize to your husband, and be honest and just say that you didn’t think it would really matter and you were trying to be nice to your friend as you were worried for her. Just tell him you will check on him for this next time, but that if there is some kind of emergency, like this one could be, and you can’t get in touch with him or no time to do it, then you will still do it like it or not and he should agree with it. Otherwise he is being a jerk and selfish.

Answer 3

Let's start by reversing the role. If your husband lets you know that someone is coming over to dinner and might stay over without consulting you prior, would you be annoyed?

I think women are more sensitive to NOT being consulted because they worried about cleaning the house and what not. Men usually don't care.

On an equal footing, don't do anything to others unless you can take it yourself.

Answer 4

Under normal conditions I would agree w/your hubby but when the weather is this nasty (I live in NJ also) I tend to agree w/you. It was very considerate of you to offer this woman those options. Your conscious would have tormented you if something happend to her on her way home. So what if your hubby is annoyed, chances are he's done something w/out asking your "permission" first. And I am sure it wasn't to help another human being.

Answer 5

Let him be.. he could be having a terrible snow storm mood at that time. or.maybe he wish that you could check with him.. as he might need to prepare more food for dinner, getting the guest room ready should the teacher decide to accept your invitation???

Answer 6

Unlike the earlier question regarding the woman inviting her old boyfriend to move in, No you did not need permission to invite someone in to avoid the weather.
Was there something he missed by her coming over?

That was a decision you should be able to make on your own. As for his missing something, I'm sure you can make it up to him if he quits being a jerk about it.

Answer 7

I agree your husband with the first person. He was probably upset about something else, but saw a place to voice his annoyance and he took it. It was nice of you to offer, and if your husband is a decent person he would have extended the same offer. Stay warm and drink plenty of CoCo!

Answer 8

Yes, that's common courtesy. How would you feel if he just came home after work and told you he was having the guys over to watch the game and he needed you to "whip something up in the kitchen for ten of them?"

I know the difference, but it would have been nice of you to inform him.

Answer 9

I think that what you did was very nice, and your husband shouldn't really feel put out by this one time offer - it's not like you told her she could crash anytime, you were just being thoughtful during bad weather. Plus it's not like he would be cooking the meal! (unless he does the cooking, which I highly doubt) If anything you could've given him a heads up on the way home, so you wouldn't just walk in with the woman, unexpected and find him in his undies. :)

Answer 10

As a courtesy to your husband, you should at least let him know as early as possible.

However, if it's like this for other things, too, he may just want to show you who's in charge, an insecurity/controlling thing.

The fact is, you're providing an avenue of assistence to someone who may need it. For that, you shouldn't feel bad.