is my husband jealous of our kids?

Question

MY HUSBAND IS S TRUCK DRIVER BUT HE HAS NOT BEEN WORKING FOR THE PAST 3 WEEKS. YESTERDAY WHEN I GET HOME FROM WORK HE ASKS ME TO MAKE HIM A SANDWICH..MY RESPONSE WAS...YOU ARE HERE ALL DAY AND YOU WAIT UNTIL I COME HOME SO YOU CAN EAT.....ONE OF OUR KIDS HAD A FIELD TRIP THIS MORNING SO I GOT UP EARLIER TO MAKE HER LUNCH...WELL MY HUSBAND BLEW UP AND I ONLY CARE ABOUT THE KIDS....WHAT AM I DOING WRONG...MY KIDS COME FIRST...I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR THEM...BUT IS SEEMS TO BOTHER HIM....WHAT SHOULD I DO? I HAVE TRIED TO TALK TO HIM BUT HE DOES NOT WANT TO LISTEN....HE ALWAYS THREATENS ME THAT HE IS GOING TO LEAVE AND NOT COME BACK BECAUSE I DON'T DO ANYTHING FOR HIM....SORRY BUT IF HE IS HOME ALL DAY I JUST DON;T GET IT HOW HARD CAN IT BE TO MAKE SOMETHING TO EAT ESPECIALLY A SANDWICH....WHY DOES HE HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL I GET HOME...NOT ONLY DO I HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF MY 3 KIDS BUT ALSO HIM.....WHO TAKES CARE OF ME?

Answer 1

Don't feel bad. Let him leave. I am a mom of two kids and I agree with you. They come first. A lot of people don't understand that but your children should come first. I would try marriage consuling but if he doesn't want to go or listen, then I would leave or let him leave. I also agree if he was home all day and then waited for you to make him something is stupid. I would be like.."do you not have hands?" He's a grown man. He needs to start acting like it.

Answer 2

FIRST THING. STOP WITH THE CAP.S ALREADY.
Its like shouting and its really hard to be sympathetic to a person shouting.
Presumably your husband normally works and this time off is either a vacation or a temporary layoff.
Guys put a big emphsis on providing as a measure of their manhood. If this guy is laid off he has taken an esteem beating already. There really is nothing worse than being out of work and not knowing when you are going to be working again. Then he gets back to the house where you have taken care of the kids every need. He looks around and thinks that your marriage is all one way to you and for you and the kids.
He is laid off and you have no sympathy. Not bad. Why don't you kick him as well. Yes I know it was just a sndwich and yes he could have made it himself.
His sandwich is a metaphor for your attitude where it is up to him to work because you do and he can kiss off asking for anything.
It was nice how were you able to turn this around from his asking for some attention to your"what about me" chant.
He is threatening to leave and your thinking , you can't because you are not working and won't even take care of yourself. Go ahead, kick him again.
Now I know you are thinking this guy does not know the whole story. You're right I don't. But I'd bet that I'm close.
I'll make a little prediction here. Keep this crap up and there will be a point where he is back on his feet and does leave.
Apparently you consider him not worthy of just a little attetion
while getting up early to see the kids needs are met. Keep on lady it will be just you and the kids soon enough.

He may not be able to articulate that he needs some help here and the sandwich became the focal point. Maybe he was asking for just a little of what you give the kids willingly but are totally selfish about where he is concerned.
Is he right? Do you do anything for him? Because it is supposed to go both ways.

And no the kids should not come first. The marriage and couple should come first. That way there will be two to take care of the kids. Kids grow up and move out. Without some attention when that happens you will be alone.
Then who will take care of YOU?

Answer 3

Your husband is definitely in the wrong on this one. My husband WAS exactly the same, and yes they are jealous of the kids. My husband and I had a long talk and I make sure to provide certain time that I am "his" so that the time I allocate to the kids and taking care of the family as a whole is considered okay and he is much more tolerate of it knowing he's going to get his fair share. Your husband could also be experiencing some anxiety about being off from work for so long. Men feel a lot of pressure about providing for the family and they don't show it well and often can't verbalize that this is the problem, it just comes out with them being grouchy and iritable. After you put the kids to bed sit down with a hot cup of tea together and have a good heart to heart. Tell him you understand he needs you also, but that he is an adult and that he can handle things while the kids can't and need more of you. Let him know that certain nights will be his (check your calendar and tell him which night will be good - no dance classes, sports practices, etc.) My husband even appreciates it when I just sit and watch one tv show with him while I crochet (even though I hate the shows he picks) -its time spent together according to him. He is old enough and verbal enough to outright say it if he needs more time with you (tell him he could arrange for a "date night" - you hire a babysitter and go out to dinner and a movie). And remember to show him you care in little ways (a note in his jacket pocket with (I love you or miss you or thinking of you) and a foot massage while watching a show together or a hot oil massage at night after the kids are in bed (warm up some baby oil on the stove or in the microwave). If you do these things he will lighten up and maybe even reciprocate with a hot oil rub of your own. Men are just big kids - add him to your list of things that need to be done. And marriage is a very hard job, but one with great benefits if you put the right effort into it. Good luck and God Bless.

Answer 4

You probably won't like this, but would it have killed you to make him a sandwich? Sure, he could have made it himself, but that really isn't the point. Your husband probably is jealous of the kids. They have taken the place that used to be his in your heart and mind. Your marriage should come before the kids, and yours obviously doesn't. Marriage shouldn't be a competition about who does the most. It should be about both people doing everything they can for the other. Try being sweet to him, and see how he takes care of you then. So what if you have to be the one to make the first move. In the end, it's about having a happy home (better for the kids), not who was the first to break.
p.s. You mention you have tried talking to him. Here's a hint. Stop talking, and start doing. Actions do speak louder than words.

Answer 5

Men never want to do anything for themselves. They think they need to be pampered when they are home. I know I've seen my mom go through this with my dad. And now that us kids are all grown and my mom and I take off for the day to go shopping. My dad hangs lip when she gets home. So I can't even say it will pass in time.
I think maybe if at all possible you and your husband need to have a few days alone. Just the two of you. That might make him a bit more happy.
Send the kids to grandma is you can. Your husband just wants some attention from you and he doesn't want to share. Give him a few days of that and then back to your regular rountine afterwards.
My mom just ignores my dad from time to time. Let him be a baby... he'll get over it.

Answer 6

you are right. you work too. and a threat is just a threat but it does get old real quick. hopefully you didn't make him a sandwich. you didn't do anything wrong so don't go there. the person who takes care of you. will always be you that way you know you will always be taken care of and your responsible for your own happiness. even though help from a spouse is much needed and appreciated.

Answer 7

your right if he has been off for awhile he should be stepping up his part of the house work , and caring for you . i am sure that his jelousy toward the kids is part of him is mad cause he isnt working and directing his anger toward the first thing that comes accross his path .which happens to be you and the kids .youll see have a chat with him be really nice about it this will disgust him even worse when he figures out hes been a horses butt ! when he gets back to work things will go back to normal . as far as the threats to leave throw him a set of keys and tell him there is the door you can support the kids yourself ! your bluffing of course, i did it to my wife! funny it is never brought up in any of our arguements anymore. goodluck

Answer 8

God comes first your husband is second and your kids are third. good luck

Answer 9

let him be a baby he will get over it as time goes by.