How do you motivate a child to do well in school?

Question

Im the mother of a 10 year old who is more driven to go to school to talk to her friends and gossip than learn anything. She came to me today and told me she wants to be a book writer (not an author) or a model when she grows up. when asked why she wanted to be a 'book writer' her response was "Because they dress casual." What can I do to motivate her to want more out of life and to do well in school without always using the 'reward' system... which really doesn't work that well?

Answer 1

When my son was in kindergarten he said "when I grow up I want to find dinosaur bones" I said well you have to go to college and study hard to do that he said "I can do that". He did go to college but he is not hunting dinosaur bones thank goodness he is a teacher. No matter what she wants to be support her and tell she can do it if she works hard enough if you don't believe in her she will never believe in her self. My son never got punished for bad grades or paid for good grades I made him understand early on his education was his, if he wanted to have a good life he would educate himself or if he chose not to get a good education his life would be a struggle. Sometimes he did badly but he never failed anything and next semester he would bring his grade up because the bad grade was not up to his standard, not his parents or his teachers standards his own that he was allowed to set for himself. He got a full scholarship to college, he accomplished it all on his own, he was not bribed or threatened he was taught the importance of getting an education. Little kids are very smart they can learn so much from having a conversation with you more than if they are getting a lecture. You are so smart to question the reward system I think it is why so many kids are failing in life because when they get to college and get no rewards a lot don't make it and the others find out they don't get a special award for working on a job they won't work. This reward system is setting kids up to fail in life and your daughter is lucky she has a mom like you that understands that. Help her dream her author dream and any other dream she has I am sure one of them will come true.

Answer 2

she is 10. she will eventually mature and learn that this is not realistic. So dont be too hard on her. but if you want to do more you can definitely do so. this may not be your case but children who are constantly rewarded by their parents for anything they do are receiving the message that it is the worlds obligation to reward them in everything and anything. they lose motivation this way when they cannot be rewarded monetarily and they lose purpose. if im not going to get paid handsomely for it why do it? will be their philosophy.

however you may go on and on about how good school is and how important it is to her future. but if she doesnt see the example in you then she will think: if it is not important to mommy why should it be to me?

Believe or not kids do take up after their parents more than parents think.

so sit down and read to her. help her with her homework. spend more quality time with her and tell her to tell you what goes on at school. encourage her to communicate. become her friend.

be patient. she is a child after all. but whatever you do dont spoil her. let her work hard to acheive her goals however small and simple they may be. she will learn to appreciate them more when she reaches them, increasing her self esteem, self-confidence and making her a happier,more fulfilled person. if all her desires are quickly fulfilled she will be an empty, unhappy, insatiable being. not a pretty picture.

this may take some time if it isnt already an established habit but it is well worth the effort.

Answer 3

Tell her the easiest way to get noticed as a model is to go to University somewhere that has a good arts program.

Also, she has an interest in fashion, use that as an in. Teach her about fashion globally. Encourage her to learn more, expose her. This kind of knowledge isn't something bad, it's something good if she's interested. Learning is learning, and fashion is a topic. Heck fashion and clothing history is a huge topic, full of other interesting historical facts.

Also though I'd say show interest in her schoolwork, tell her to come to you with questions and act a bit like her tutor. If you don't know an answer then look it up online(there's tons of websites for all topics). Don't do it all for her, just help. This helped me greatly in school growing up.

Either way, encourage her to do well in school generally, but also make sure to encourage any other side learning that she wishes to do or shows an interest in.

Answer 4

There is nothing wrong with whatever a child decides to do, if it it is in their soul to do it... There is a book called
"The souls code. Character and calling." By: James Hillman Read it...

What is wrong with being a writer?

Send her to NYU... If she is going to aspire towards a goal (a writer being better than a model... right?) then give her the best opportunity and education surrounding her dreams.

She could be the next Maya Angelou or Alice Walker... Would that be such a bad thing? Or would you actually prefer her become the next Tyra Banks? Personally... I would push for the writer...

Answer 5

Let your child get to know the realitites of life, make her meet people from different professions and know them how they had worked hard to reach where they are today, and also make her understand that all achievements are a result of hardwork.
All our efforts are like a savings account which we deposit today and enjoy the benefits later when we need. Opening up an independent account for your kid shall make her understand some responsibilities in life, give her a start...but dont push hard..let her learn at her pace.
Be a wiser friend to your kid, rather than a parent.

Answer 6

http://school.familyeducation.com/national-pta/parents-and-school/38703.html This website is quite good.

I would suggest talking to her teachers and discussing your concerns. Although she is still young and probably isnt motivated.

how about allocating pocket money for good school reports etc this would be the only money you give her. that way she learna that she can only buy what she can afford - thus encouraging her need for a better paid job - so therefore better education.

Stick with her, at least she wants to work - some children dont want to do that. A lot of children dont actually start properly thinking about careers until about 15 years old when they do work experience etc.

Answer 7

I think letting a child knowing how much money he or she can earn in future if they study is not very important unless that is what that motivates them. Maybe you can talk to her, get her to gradually like the subjects by getting some interesting books or perhaps CD-Roms related to the subjects to allow her to learn. If that doesn't work, it will be best to send her for a motivational camp( if there's any), although it will be expensive but it's worth it. (For example, Adam khoo's I AM GIFTED SO ARE YOU workshop). The last resolution perhaps is to force her to study. Once she get good grades and see e improvement in herself, she would strive even more harder. That's what i got to say.

Answer 8

If she hangs out with friends who also want to do well in school, then she would likely want to put in the effort in the school work too. Maybe you could consider sending her to an elite high school or selective school (whatever it is called in your country) when she reaches the age. The students there tend to be more focused on doing well in school.

As for now, find out what is something she would really like to have, or something she would really like to do. You can then "bribe" her... for instance, if she really wants to buy certain very cool/pretty clothes, you could bribe her that, if she achieves greater than a certain mark in the next maths exam, you would buy it for her, as an example.

Hope these suggestions can help a little.

Answer 9

Show her the world. What I mean by that is to expose her to different lifestyles. Tell her how she can accomplish to live a certain way, don't put YOUR wants on her though. It won't work. Show her the homeless - the run down ways people live and then the more upscale parts of life, shopping, etc., and tell her its her choice to choose how she will live her life, not making good grades and taking care of herself and how it can affect the rest of her life...use people in the family as examples, good and bad. Give her something to think about.

Answer 10

Use logic on him. I've found that logic of cause and effect motivates kids. It's also the real-life version of the reward system. Study and you get a good life. And vise-versa