I mean, my husband is a great person & I really love him. But, I think he is trying to be a little posessive now that we are married. He also expects me to change several things about me or my lifestyle that were just fine before we were married. I accuse him of trying to mold me into what he really wanted, that makes him mad but I don't think he gets it. I am fine with comprimising, but he hasn't changed anything, because he doesn't think he has any faults(my opinion, not his words)
2007-03-16 04:28:00 · 10 answers · asked by Dr. Worm is back 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
OH BOY! You've got a dandy, well then sounds to me that you need to tell him that you're not a possession, You are a person, who is not going to be controlled. Do you tell him what he needs to do? If not, then tell him he's not telling you what to do or what you can and can not do. Been through this in the past year, I don't tell my husband what to do, he doesn't tell me what to do. That's not to say he doesn't try, I just shut him down. And most guys don't think they have faults, oh yeah tell him you're not perfect either and not to expect it. (yeah touchy subject for me)
2007-03-16 04:36:39 · answer #1 · answered by dns618 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People cannot be changed if they have no interest in doing so. I would indicate to your new husband that he chose you for who you are, as did you. If he's dissatisfied with that arrangement, show him the door.
Regarding the possessiveness, you might think about reminding him that you're a human, not an object, and if he thinks that he owns you, show him the door.
Not to suggest compromising isn't a good thing, but it sounds to me as though he's trying to establish control. Marriage isn't about control. It's a partnership of equals. If you submit now, you'll wish you hadn't later.
Best of luck. I'm sorry you were tricked with the old "bait and switch".
2007-03-16 11:34:56 · answer #2 · answered by taotedan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's so weird that people think that after marriage there are certain things that should change like "You are my spouse and now this is your responsiblity" When before marriage there was none of that. I think it has to do with lack of communication and honesty when it comes to beliefs of spousal duties. Tell your husband that unfortunately he never communicated these desires to you and that you will continue to be the person you were before marriage and if he can't stand it, he's an idiot for marrying you and show him the door.
2007-03-16 11:35:54 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've honestly never felt that way, but I have a strong sense of who I am and don't change for anyone. I understand that when you are married you have to adapt to different things and be more accomodating, but I'm definitely still me, and it's very important to me that I keep it that way. A lot of people lose themselves when they get married - always remember who YOU are! Good luck!
2007-03-16 12:14:25 · answer #4 · answered by FirefighterWife 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know a man just like that - says he likes who I am but criticizes me at every turn. Also, doesn't take responsbilitiy for any of his misgivings. I finally snapped and lost him - I was lonely for awhile but realize now that it was probably for the best. Life is short and precious, I would rather be alone than unhappy.
2007-03-16 11:31:51 · answer #5 · answered by Dee 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
OMG i got married and almost immediately became a diffrent person trying to please her. Lost almost every friend I had at her request and alienated myself from my family. Im almost 3 years out of the marriage now and im still trying to find my old self. thats what happens when you pick the wrong apple, looks like we both got rotten ones :(
2007-03-16 11:34:51 · answer #6 · answered by geminihawgs 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your husband sounds like my first wife. After we got married she hated my job, hated my friends, hated everything about my life and expected me to keep changing. I did for about 4 years and was miserable. It ended when I finally stood up for myself.
2007-03-16 11:34:49 · answer #7 · answered by bugs280 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Shortly after my first marriage, my husband wanted things to be completely different. He want to control everything - where I went, when I left - only with permission. It was a horrible situation. I couldn't stay married. I divorced him.
2007-03-16 11:34:08 · answer #8 · answered by pinniethewooh 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I have to agree with Donna C, I to would rather be alone than miserable. If he accepted you before you were married, he should accept you now.
2007-03-16 11:35:28 · answer #9 · answered by Michelle 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if he is disatisfied show him the door.
2007-03-16 11:40:54 · answer #10 · answered by jasmine 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋