How can i get my husband to care?

Question

(I have been married for 1 1/2 years now and my husband and I are currently seeking counseling.)
I feel like my husband does not want to confide in me, or tell me anything about himself. He talks more (about himself) and jokes around when we are out with friends, but doesnt include me unless I make some large gesture of interest in him like kissing or touching.

We argue everyday over stupid things, but even though they are little, they still hurt my feelings.

1. a friend took us and another couple out to dinner and forgot his wallet. I go to the bathroom with the other wife, and as im coming out, see my husband paying the bill. I said, "what are you doing? we dont have $150 in the account, we cant afford this." and he says dont worry about it and hands the card to the waitress without even looking at me. (our account was overdrawn, he does it alot)
2. He has an "I dont care" attitude that affects every aspect of our marriage.
3. When we get into an argument he clams up

Answer 1

just keep up with the counsling sounds like u r doing all that u can.

Answer 2

I t seems to me that your husband has no respect for you. Why do you allow this behavior. I think there is a control issue going on and you need to take a stand and stick up for yourself. Do you both work and share bills. Tell him you will not support him paying for friends meals and such. Start doing things without him. Do for yourself. This guy needs to realize what a good person you are before he loses you. Start feeling good for yourself. When he sees you changing and feeling good without him he will change. Don't make that gesture of a hug or kiss make him miss it and wonder whats up. Show him that the stupid arguments don't rattle you that much. Be strong. Let him feel the stuff hes dishing out to you. Take care of yourself, maybe start working out looking really good. Don't argue with him over every little thing. Maybe he is seeing you as a nag and is turned off. How is your sex life? Don't always be the one to feel bad about yourself because hes a jerk. Be your own person and see if that works. Good Luck!

Answer 3

1) somebody had to pay
2)bummer, hopefully counseling will help that
3) don't argue, I don't blame him for not wanting to join in an argument; try and adult conversation; that doesn't mean you have to agree, you can have differing opinions, it means LISTENING to what he has to say and he LISTENING to what you have to say.

Since you argue every day, this will be easy, the next time you want to start an argument, and usually it starts when one person has an idea of how something should be done and the other one doesn't do it that way, stop and think, does this really matter in the scheme of things? The answer is most often No, let it go then; if you argue over how he folds the towels, does it matter, NO, be glad he is helping to fold them or just do it yourself. Is it that he didn't take the trash out? Is that really so important? NO, take it out yourself if you need it taken out.....


Keep going to counseling

Answer 4

It sounds to me he is kinda of a moron, or he just need to grow up.

Ok, let me tell you what I tell everybody. The key to a good and healthy relation is communication. You must be able to talk to each other, be honest, understand each other, and try to help each other.

If you really love him, and you know he loves you, then you have to work out into the relation, and even when you are going to counseling, the only ones that can really do something here is you and him.

You need to sit down with him, alone, and when nobody can bother you, and have a serious talk. Promise each other that there will be no fight; that you will listen to the other, and will remain calm. You are not there to win, you are there to help each other, admit that any of you can be wrong, and sacrifice for each other.

What to talk about? Everything, from romance, to sex, to your feelings, his feelings, what you think he does wrong, what he doesn’t like about you, what you like of him, why you love him… so many things.

And is not just one session, is many, as many as possible and needed, and then more. You two should talk all the time until the day you die. That is why you are husband and wife. To share your lifes.

There is obviously a deeper problem in the relation, and it just “spikes out” by having little fights about stupid things, but it becomes something big as the real reason for the fight comes up.

But as I said, you two must really love each other. I have the feeling that you do love him, but he might not be there as you are. To love, is to care, to be willing to help and sacrifice anything without waiting or asking for anything in return. Do you really love him? Do you think he loves you, or at least that he can love you? If so, you have to fight for it.

Otherwise, save yourself from the pain and leave. You need all three of them: love, communication and understanding to be able to have a relation and a family. If not it will be hell for at least one of you. And I think it is you.

Good luck, and hope you can work things out.

Answer 5

First thing first, counselling is the best step you have taken.
From what you have written i just think both of you are going through the initial stages of getting used to each other.

AT the end of this stage, one of the two things happens: you feel and care so much for him and your love is too strong to let the candles of relationship blow out or you get tired and feel it's just not worth it and move out.

I wish it is the first one but believe me there's nothing wrong in the second one, just that marriages are not always made in heaven and one can't expect his/her partner to change , that is not natural and may not last...

Answer 6

get rid of him. It is obvious he has no boundaries to any situation. He is in denial and blames you. What a jerk. Get out before he charges thousands of dollars and you have to pay it cause he stuck you with the bill. GET OUT! He is giving you warning signs and you need to listen to those signs.

Answer 7

1.do u earn more income than him at work?trust me when this happen the guy enter into either a competitive stage or he totally ignores you , cuz he feel overshadowed by you{its a natural male reaction}
2.do u let him walk all over you at least once?this give him the key to do it again
3.are u guys sexually active?if not , this could be also be a reaction to the lack of it

Answer 8

An "I don't care" attitude means just that. He doesn't care. You can whip a dead horse all day but he'll still be a dead horse. Don't let this jerk ruin your life. Financial problems he makes are YOURS as long as you're married to him. If your feet aren't nailed to the floor, run girl run!

Answer 9

It sounds like HE wants to be BOSS. Plain and simple. And that means you keep your place. Keep going to counseling because HE needs it.

Answer 10

Counseling seldom helps anyone...It is a scam perpetrated
by counselors...
Sounds like you married the wrong guy...