today she's crying
tomarrow she's dying
no one is there
no one to care
left alone is a world of hate
left to suffer by untold fate
loving whose love has long since gone
not to be right but eternally wrong
hidden soon by shodow not sun
as soon as its dark her life will be done
knowing her pain and sorrow unseen
she falls into an endless dream
no one will stop
no one will cry
alone she lived
alone she will die
remember these words her last to be said
she is unspoken when she is dead
say your good byes
she losing the fight
forever she loves you
forever goodnight
2007-03-16 04:20:58 · 9 answers · asked by fzw_chick 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Except for spelling, it's good.
2007-03-16 04:27:18 · answer #1 · answered by grrl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I pray this is an assignment for school. It is almost too good. I got a chill up my spine that someone is threatening suicide. I would make one change -- "alone she will die" to "alone she'll die". If my heart is right and you are threatening suicide -the line about noone caring is not true, I am scared for you and we have never met. There are always many people who love us even when we don't think so. If this is just a school assignment -I'd give you an A- the emotion is there the rhyme is there - very well done. Good luck -k-
2007-03-16 04:29:37 · answer #2 · answered by kbama 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's very good. Reminds me of my illustrations in Joe Bruchac's book, The girl who married the moon.
Mine are the black and white circle drawings. I think I would love to illustrate this in black and white line.
gee... wonder where to publish? it's wonderful. Thanks.
or maybe blue on grey paper. It inspires me as ... well, we are at moments with out voice or empty words that mean nothing when we change... I think sometimes that's why the spirits attempt to speak to us and we can't hear.
except sometimes... just sometimes in our dreams... but you don't go there. It's wonderful just as it is.
2007-03-16 04:33:37 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is really good, a little depressing though but that is a good thing because its only a poem but makes you think like its real.if you get what i meen. well done.
2007-03-16 04:25:53 · answer #4 · answered by ♥ Wild-@-Heart ♥ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you've done a beautiful job writing this, but it's so very sad that it brought tears to my eyes. did you write this about someones else? or did you write this because it's about you? please write back because if this is about you I'm very concerned and would like to talk to you.
please write back.
2007-03-16 04:35:18 · answer #5 · answered by atiana 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It touched me. Sad but well written.
2007-03-16 04:26:19 · answer #6 · answered by katydid 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
very good but depressing
2007-03-16 04:45:14 · answer #7 · answered by AnnaG 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it nice and depressing
2007-03-16 04:25:51 · answer #8 · answered by Patty 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You spelled "tomorrow" and "shadow" wrong..
2007-03-16 04:25:00 · answer #9 · answered by zee-rohhh 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋