Married Men!! What do you want from a wife? I need help with my marriage!?

Question

My husband is the bread-winner. He makes good money. However, he doesn't pay the bills. We have 3 kids-I stay at home. We both have agreed the cost of daycare is not work me working. How can I make him happy-I want to be the best wife possible. We have communication issues. We fight about money. We fight about sex. He was very spoiled growing up-family had lots of money. He is selfish. I am in college-working towards a degree-should finish by the time all three of my kids are in school. I am tired of fighting. I want to get along-if he is happy-I am happy. Help me-give me ideas. What do you want from your wife-most important. What do you hate about your wife?

Answer 1

The biggest complaint you get from men in marriage is lack of sex. Its not the only one, and plenty of men are happy - but it sounds like your husband would be in the large group of sex-complainers.

Apparently, most women view intimacy as leading to sex, whereas most men view sex as leading to intimacy. Women who don't feel close to their partner don't want sex, men who are sexually rejected don't feel close to their partner. Obviously, this can lead to a vicious circle. To break the circle takes one partner stepping up and (probably repeatedly) making an effort to please their partner. Since you're the one posting here asking for advice, I'll give it to you - sleep with your husband as often as you can! You'll probably find him more cheerful, attentive and giving to you if you do, and find yourself enjoying the sex more as well.

Money is a second issue, I'd guess. You say he makes good money but doesn't pay the bills. I'm guessing you worry, he spends? How would the two of you feel if there was more of a defined budget, which you were running? When he got paid, some money could automatically be moved into an 'expenses' account which you'd run, and some into a 'discretionary' account for him (you should have one as well - from a budget standpoint, but you might not need to keep money separate). His discretionary money he can spend on whatever he wants, no questions asked, the bills get paid, no more fights. You agreed up front what costs had to be covered, and what money was available for whatever, then don't fight about the 'whatever' stuff.

Answer 2

I want a partner and a friend. My mother use to say when the bills come in the door the love goes out the window. There are 2 types of people in marriages givers and takers, and three types of marriages. the first is 2 takers there doomed from the start, the second is a taker and a giver, that works for a while until the giver gets tired of just giving. then there are 2 givers this is the one that works because they both try so hard, that means following a budget and supporting each other, when something un expected comes along. If there is stress then the sex is mechanical, always find down time for each other. If he was spoiled then he's probably a taker, you will have to make it black and white for him to accept something, and he will need to accept resposibility for his actions. Having a wife at home Iwould expect aclean house a meal ready at dinner time and all phone calls to be handled, like did you call the plumber. The less stress the better, things should be organized

Answer 3

Communication, Comprimising, Compassion, Caring as far as the attributes I thing are good.

What I want from my wife is R E S P E C T and love and acceptance. Give him complements about how he provides for you. Tell him how hansome he is (works for me). Tell him how lucky you are to have him. Personnally, I'm a terrible mney manager. She manages that. I would forget to pay the bills. I would sit down and divide up the responsibilities and try to make him understand (nicely) how you need some help b/c of all the work the kids need. Be a team. He is your partner for life. I can understand your frustration in your words you write. I have agreed to have "couch time" w/ my wife when I get home from work and try to unwind w/ her being next to me. Differences in marriage can be overcome if both parties are willing to work through differences. Talking is the only way to achieve this. I know this isn't much help and I really don't know you or your situation but give it some time and be patient with him. Hope everything works out.

Answer 4

If your husband makes good money and you are fighting about money then you must be living beyong yourmenas. Change that and you will stop fighting about money. Spoiled husband is a harder issue. I dont know how to solve that. But its not up to you to make someone happy who has unrealistic expectations. There must be a reason why the sex has slowed down. Only you can determine what that is. Sounds like a really busy house hold and it also sounds like there isnt a lot of time to relax. I think you need to change that. Look back to the early days of the relationship and see what pleased you then. It takes work and it seems like someone has slasjked off in that department.

Answer 5

Their is no affair proof marriage.......... you can decrease the possibility of an affair with communication, being honest with him. Second ? I can't answer for all the other men that had an affair, but I lost trust with my marriage and didn't care about what happened any longer. the other woman was a lot younger 18 I was 33. Was able to talk to her. No I don't love her she was convenience. Love is an interesting feeling. I still care about my ex-wife but don't think it's love. I know at this time we are better apart than we were together. F99

Answer 6

I'm not a husband nor a man. But I will say this... my grandmother always says that the woman controls the mood in the household. It's so true. You say if he is happy you are happy. It's the other way around. If you are happy, he's happy. Did I misread this - he doesn't pay the bills? I'm confused by that. Make a sincere effort the next time he comes home to love him. Hug him when he walks in the door. Take a moment to just be a couple. Do it for a week. No fighting. It changes the mood of life. Do it for another week. Then when problems do arise, the arguing won't be nearly as bad. I wish I had believed my grandmother when she told me this when I was a teenager. I didn't. But I believe it now.

Answer 7

Well I am a man, and for right now I am still married. The things that have killed our relationship, is that my wife is no longer a wife or a mother for that matter. She no longer takes care of anything at the house including our daughter. She will not cook, clean, or help with any household stuff. She is very successful in her career, and has symbolically became the head of household. I don't resent her success, I just resent the secondary effects that her career success have caused.

Answer 8

My wife is my best friend and soul mate. We do almost everything together. We talk about everything. We accept each other and our faults. Marriage has to be about cooperation. Both of you have to give some and take some. One cannot always be the giver and the other the taker. You'll lose yourself and be miserable. That's what happened in my first marriage.

Answer 9

Men like to be men and women need to be women. Forget post modern ideas on what female and male us. When all said and done a man will look for exactly the same thing a women does, thats is true feelings! Men will do the things that suit them and things that suit you both, men like to look after their partners and do the things they wouldn;t expect a women would wnat or could do (this is a scientific fact men are biologically different from men) and women like to do the things for men that men can't do with other men. Don't forget women need to be able to relate to men *** women since men cannot do that for other men and this should happen in the most insticntive way possible. Men like women who are independent but in being so, women would choose to be semi dependent on their husbunds, they do not want to become a chore but do not want to demand as well, they like women who are able to make their own choices and be sure of their own characters. Also men are not as tough as media would like you to believe even the biggest of us and we can get run down, so a down to earth, serious but sensitive lass helps, men are also aware of this and like to feel relaxed in a hectic environment. Basically men likes to know that when all said and done the whole point of a relatioship is to truely love each other and have that love grow together in a natural and semi effortless way, since this is the truest meaning of love and not a love of convinience. Materialisim can be a boundery as men likes to know a lass can take care of herself but not like the devil in prada. women like to metophorically think of men as the stronf but soft looking jewel on thier finger just like men like to have women as the crown that adorns their heads.

basically love him and he'll begin to know what to do, becasue hell want to whether he knows it or not.

Answer 10

You should be asking your HUSBAND this question. The most important thing is what he WANTS and what you are willing to do.