How can I improve my confidence?

Question

I have a problem with my confidence. I get very nervous in certain situations and I start to shake, my heart pounds very fiercely and I get very tense. I recently went to a job interview and was told the company liked what I had to say and liked me as a person but because I was nervous they said I wasn’t confident and assumed I wouldn’t be capable of the job (I have a degree and have had demanding jobs in the past). Naturally I am annoyed about this because in normal circumstances I am a different person who is confident and outgoing. It’s just when I’m on the spot I tense up, for example when I’m at work most times when I am confronted about important issues or have confrontational meetings that involve my performance I feel like I’m going to have a heart attack, I shake and my heart beats really fast and I can’t even talk properly, and can’t think properly. It’s not a panic attack and I don’t know what to do.

Answer 1

you need to speak to your doctor.. you may need medication for anxiety.

Answer 2

Take your clothes off and walk down the street naked. Rush hour would be a good time. People will see you in the flesh so to speak. You will have nothing to hide which means you have nothing to prove. You will be seen for what you are, being yourself. Do this three times a week and you will soon gain your confidence that is of course if you are not arrested in the meantime and if you are use it to your advantage. In court tell the judge why you did it. This is all part of the exercise because you are now talking to a judge, someone important, and if he takes the time to get out of bed in the morning and dress up in his refinery just to talk to you, well I think you got it made. Not everyone can say they had a conversation with someone of such high esteem, not only that but there will be many people in the building listening to what you have to say and it may even be reported in the papers what you say. See how important you have now become in less than a week you are in the public eye you are a celebrity you won't have time to think of heart attacks, panic attacks or any other kind of attacks. The only attack you will have is by your many new found fans and possibly men in white coats. Go for it.

Answer 3

Hello,

(ANS) First of all I have to say that formal job interviews remain even in this day & age a very unnatural kind of situation to be placed in. So anxiety or nervousness would be completely normal for most job candidates, the only question here is how most people manage or handle their nerves. In your case it sounds like you have an exceptionally difficult time controlling your feelings & bodies response.

However, it sounds like your experiencing acute anxiety attacks (not quite the same as panic attacks). The problem is abit of a catch22 to be honest with you, the more anxious you get the more your self confidence is undermined. The more you loose self condifence the more anxious you become so its a circular pattern.

**In situations were you feel anxious or possibly a sense of panic coming on the energy in the body tends to lift upwards into the head & your breathing becomes much more shallow & you end up hyperventilating as a result & this is why the heart beats faster.

With anxiety like this you need to breath deeper into the stomach (not chest breathing) and try to breath slowly and then this helps bring the energy downwards and calms things down and should slow the heart beat too.

**You need to keep yourself grounded, breathing slowly & deeply through the mouth will help this. With anxiety you breath shallow & high in the chest & so the result is you become increasingly ungrounded.

**My guess is that when you get unnerved you loose self confidence but when more relaxed & grounded your confidence isnt an issue at all.

Hope that might help?

Best Regards IR

Answer 4

It sounds like you may have social anxiety. You probably get nervous and then get nervous about how you may appear to look nervous, which just compiles the problem. Aside from seeking the help of a psychiatrist (who may prescribe appropriate anti-anxiety medication) the only way to deal with it is to go in as a character, you, only more confident. You have to fake it. Eventually, it will be real. Think of someone you admire and act as if they would in the situation, even if it doesn't seem natural. And right off the bat, some of the easiest things you can do to look and feel confident are to (1) dress the part, (2) stand up straight and tilt your chin up just a bit; (3) smile, but not a nervous smile, and (4) speak in declarative sentences in an even tone, not sing-songy or too high pitched.

Answer 5

I wonder why you say it is not a panic attack? It sounds like that is exactly what the problem is. It doesn't necessarily need to be treated with medication, but therapy might help. In the absence of therapy, you might want to read up on relaxation techniques. Also, join a local toastmasters group to help you become more familiar with being "on the spot". Also, look for advise for people with panic disorder. Even if you choose not to use that label - the information will be applicable.

Answer 6

Would I be right in saying that you specifically are wanting to find out how to respond differently in certain situations?
If so than the rest of this answer may be of use (if not than it may not be :) ). First have a play thinking of all the ways you could respond instead of how you did and just see which way would feel most appropriate. What you could do at that stage is to find someone to work with you individually (a coach, complimentary therapist/practitioner, medical practitioner - basically someone you feel comfortable working with and who's methods appeal to you). There are loads of ways to find a way of responding differently and it really is finding the way that will work best for you - its just easier to do if you know how you would like to respond instead. Alternativly if you didn't want to work directly with someone why not find a book or written piece on the subject?

Answer 7

I wonder if you refer to self confidence, if so, self confidence comes from success, if you be sufficiently carefull for not making mistakes in the facts of your life and be accurate in your results, you will start growing in self confidence, to do that you first need to domain your cultural, social and professional environment and internally refuse to loose. Once you start confronting diverse situation and achieve your goals, your personality will switch entirely. Sometime this is a long term process but that is the way that all those great and famous personalities have succesfully applied

Answer 8

First of all, it's a natural reaction. Lots of people even freak out for no apparent reason lol.

You have to understand and keep in mind that the choice is yours, as it is your life, and that it'll never hurt to try new things.

Fear is what would hold you back, and being in one place won't get you anywhere, lol. :P

There's always time to change the path you're on, so don't hurry and don't worry. :)

P.S It is not necessary to be pedantic lol. Don't focus on the little details. :P

~ Christy

Answer 9

Take a course in public speaking.

Go out to a public place "soap box" and tell people (the more the Better) a rousing, motivating,invigorating and uplifting story.

Learn to enjoy that feeling (its free), some people take drugs to feel like that!!

That should get it out of your system.

Answer 10

Practice taking deep breathes to relax and work out to relieve stress and physically make yourself confident. I think you just need to learn how to relax. Sounds like you let things work you up easily. Good luck

Answer 11

DO WHAT I DID: Join and take an active roll in a TOASTMASTERS INTERNATIONAL club. FORCE yourself to "put yourself out there (with all your warts)" to build your confidence.
Your explained "condition" is merely an aesthetic result of your own misperception of how others see you.